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bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

not_fairCasual Contributor14 Oct 2017, 6:22 pm AEDT

bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

I'm struggling with the definitions of bereavement and post-traumatic stress disorder. Everyone says that I am grieving but I'm convinced it's more than that. I'm stuck and every time I think I'm climbing out of this god forsaken hole, I get a call or someone just kicks me back down. Most recently I lost my Mum to cancer. She battled Mesothelioma with me as her carer for 2 years and 10 months. She was diagnosed August 2014 and they gave her 8 months. 2 chemo's, 3 radiations, 1 trial and countless of appointments later, in April this year she died in my arms. Nobody was there for me while I was caring for her but they all came out of the woodwork for a little at the end. Not for me though. Just to save face. I miss Mum coz I was able to be sad with her and talk about how much it all sux but that being said she wanted me to be happy ALL the time; which led to a little substance abuse just in order to keep that smile on my face. I'm now free from all those fun vices and feel completely alone. The strange thing is I'm not. I'm a mother of 2 beautiful boys under 10, I'm a wife, I'm a part-time worker for an employer who rocks and I've been with for 25 years and I'm very very lucky. That’s the rational me. But, I'm failing at all roles. I kick myself when I'm down and I hate myself very very much. I would never commit the big S but I am so so sad. But, I'm not depressed. I'm very confused. Just wanted to start some dialog with some rando's on the line. I have heaps more I'd love to share and if anyone wants to hear it, I will love to offload. Anyway, stay sane (I tell myself every hour)

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In response to: bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

CheerBearSenior Contributor18 Oct 2017, 11:28 am AEDT

Re: bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

Hi again @not_fair. Your tag worked. It's so ok if you don't want to tag and instead you want to write/vent/chat to whoever. Tagging may help your message get through though and it is a way of getting to know people here. It's up to what works and feels right for you 🙂

It's so understandable that you're feeling the way you are at the moment. You really have been through a lot, and a lot of it seems to have occurred in a short space.

You mentioned the need to accept what has happened and I think that's a huge step. The idea of acceptance was really tough for me for a long while (it still can be). A big part of it for me was working to accept myself as I am and trying to be ok with myself as I live in a bit of a bubble that says "traumatised" too. I think I wrote about this idea of accepting myself only a couple of weeks ago. It is recognising and acknowledging that I am pretty sensitive because of what I have been through, and things can be really shaky sometimes but it is ok that they are. Often things don't make sense and I don't have all the answers that I want. I get frustrated, angry, scared and sad, but I also have moments of clarity, joy and hope too. Sometimes I can swing between these feelings really quickly as well. It's hard going, but it is easier when I can be gentle on myself while I go through it. I found working toward acceptance of myself maybe a bit of a step towards working on accepting the situation/s. It would be such an individual thing and there wouldn't be a right or wrong way of going about it.

I can see why you'd be feeling mixed feelings about yesterday with Summer. I'm not really a dog person but I have seen that Staffy smile and it is pretty great. I know the pain of losing my beautiful girl (a cat) was immense. Many years later I still miss her and think of her.

I hope you can do something nice for yourself today. Is it a day off work for you today?

In response to: bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

utopiaSenior Contributor18 Oct 2017, 3:03 pm AEDT

Re: bereavement or post traumatic stress disorder

@not_fair you have had to deal with a lot of illness and deaths in your family. With it all being placed on your shoulders. That is a lot for anyone to bare.
And then to be on your own when you put Summer down. I'm sorry she too developed cancer.
Yes you need to see your grief counselor and pour it all out to her. Try and get as much out as you can. Hopefully you will feel better afterwards.
Happy birthday to you. Can't forget to celebrate the good things in life - like birthdays.

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