Fk set off by a song!!!

@Former-Member

i hope that you do get those few days respite, you deserve it. im hoping your mothers deterioration is noticed by your sister, she might step up and help abit more too. even though you dont want to be on the carers, maybe check out carers australia becasue they can offer a few nights respite as well where they take your mother and are under the nurses watchful eye for a few days. they can also organise home visits as well to help you out.

it really does sound like shes deteriorating and its understandable that you would be worried about her, i can also see where your coming from inregards to caring for her but please check out carers australia becasue your technically her volunteer carer and are entitled to help and respite.

i go to a weight loss nurse who specialises in nutrition etc so i go to her becasue i cant loose the weight. despite all these changes ive made ive still gained weight and ive been sick not keeping anything down at all or very little. i see my psychiatrist tomorrow and im going to see if i can drop a dosage or see how much this medications contributed to weight gain and how much these will really affect the body in regards to weight. its been a long time since ive been ok and it took ages to get these medications at the point everything is fine, so i worry about even dropping a dose but i also think the weight gain is detreimental to my health because of my physcial conditions and self image so im stuck

Thanks @outlander,I,had tea (hope I don't eat all night),think I'm tired from walking and the way I feel.Is nice without her,I know that may sound awful but in the way I haven't got her as my problem or worry.I am struggling with myself.

I can see your dilemma in regards to weight and medication,I know my battles with body image,it's a tough one,but please take the magnesium,as I heard again today the impact of stress in the gut,cortisoland the impact it has on obesity which I have experienced.

Thanks @Sans911

Since she's been gone I feel less stressed.I have always felt suffocated by her,she never let me or had respect for my life.I feel trapped @Sans911,by her and the position I'm in,might as well have a g** to my head, because I'm in the position where I'm forced into carers. I have many issues with my mother,I was that way the other day where I said to her if the other siblings offered,this house could be sold and they can have the money,I no longer care,that's how I feel.They won't anyway,it's ok,my life means nothing as I'm a failure.

I question as well @Sans911,how my mother's health is as a result of her laziness over the years.Come home from work and washing wouldn't be done or any housework.She would sit on the couch all day and just take me for granted.A lot of my counseling was discussing the suffocation and lack of gratitude/respect of my mother.

My sister won't care,as they know she comes back to me,they are too busy starting a new life with her new boyfriend,the only time they care is when they can open their mouth to make themselves look good,or when my mother passed and I will be homeless and nothing.No one knows the price I have paid @Sans911,in every way.Im so full of anger.I have times where I feel I need to SC to be free,and it seems the only way out if I have no control over my life.My mother has always been my problem,and I question if that's fair when I can be treated like shit.

Thanks @Sans911
I am really struggling with the worth of my life,went into the supermarket I went in for the interview the other day when I was a bit numb with depression and realised I dug my grave when I stupidly said "don't know if I can cope",when I see others doing what I could've done,just my anxiety about confronting people who don't like me or have done a grievance towards me.I can't tell you how many issues I have with my mother,even though I love her,she never let me breathe .The sister she's with now is the one that got the cops and doctor to the house and threw me out accusing me of violence.I was twenty stone,easy to target.My mother made out I was violent, basically I actually only said "no"to not wanting to do something.That caused judgements,jokes about me at work gossip,the sister took off and my mother to this day fails to acknowledge the wrong against me.Never forgive them or the hurt.My breakdown was when I had to get a loan for a garage,and caused inner conflict because of the way I have been treated. my motherI can be kicked in the teeth tomorrow @Sans911,it's been like living on a volcano.That wasnt the first time,my mother got Uncles,friends I to the house making out I was nuts,I dont talk to a Uncle for that.Like yesterdayterday when she picked Mum up,I had to ensure I wasn't here.Then my mother tried to get me to take her hour or so away to make it easy for my sister!You can guess my reaction.I haven't got a life to look forward to @Sans911,I knew that several years ago,it's hard to keep going.Going for a walk now was going to see a movie but don't think I can afford it,only time I can get out on my own without the self centred mother.She makes out I'm abusing her in times of arguments etc,it hurts.
Hope you work out your meds or sleep problems.You are good to chat to.thanks @Sans911 for being here.💌

@Former-MemberI just put up In regards to medication on my other thread.
I know you feel like your questioning your worth, its hard and I understand it all too well. I know many others here do too. You deserve respite Li1, you dont have to feel bad about it, you take care of her anyother time. I really do recommend you speaking to carers australia because they can help in regards to options, home care and things like that, I think some home carer workers are covered by medicare so could be worht looking into that as well that way you dont have to be responsible for her 24/7 and can get that break.
Your not a failure to me, far from it. You wont be homeless, the government will help with that too. And as Sans said try and look into it, you will have rights. Maybe its time for that extra support in reagrds to putting your mother into care. Her deteroration might get worse, you said she has dimentia so theres a chance she will get worse and will need that care of a home.

Your not alone here, we really care for you. I am really sorry your going through all this, you dont deserve it and shouldnt have to put up with it. Sending as many hugs as I can fit through the screen to yourself