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Pregnant...scared!

Pregnant...scared!

Everyone around me seems so excited and doctors are telling me to enjoy this experience.
I am crying all the time. I am scared of what’s about to happen, I am scared that I can’t cope now let alone when a baby comes.
My partner is so calm and has little to say. He suggests I think on it, he does not want to get rid of the baby. I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to terminate either but I am terrified and feel lost.
Help?

7 replies

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In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

Hi @ScaredPanda13
Welcome to the forums, i'm glad you have come here! I think its completely natural to have some fear of such a huge potential change and addition to your life! Its easy for others to say that its a 'wonderful' tie etc but that isnt everyone's experience. It might be useful to talk with a counsellor or get a referral from your gp maybe.. it seems as though your doctors also arent hearing quite how scared/worried you are either which is unfortunate! I'm not sure if @PANDA support prenatal mothers with anxiety but i think they do and might be able to offer some advice.https://www.panda.org.au/
When i was pregnant with my son... things werent good in my life in general and i was terrified. I really thought that i couldnt remember how to look after a baby that i was not going to be able to love him and that i was going to be useless etc. I was really scared and it was an awful long difficult pregnancy with different physical issues as well. My gp was amazing though, very gentle and understanding, and did a lot to help support me and made sure she was there to deliver him. Finding that support probably made the biggest difference in things working out ok. After bubs is born there is a lot that is available to help i.e. mothers groups, childhood health centres etc... and sounds as though you have a supportive partner, which will make a huge difference too.

In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

Welcome to the forum, @ScaredPanda13. It sounds as though this is not a planned pregnancy for you and your partner. That means a major life decision needs to be made. It sounds as though your partner recognises that it is primarily your decision and has left that to you. I personally think this is a good thing, as it is your body and life that will probably most be impacted, though of course the impact of a child is major for male partners too.

It is very difficult for anyone to advise you with this decision, other than to share a personal perspective and any experience with this kind of situation they may have had themselves. When I was younger, I was in your situation too. I was at first optimistic about the prospect. But on sober examination of my circumstances, I chose to terminate my pregnancy. My reasons were: that I suffer from chronic physical and mental illness that limits my ability to even care for myself; that I have lived my life below the poverty line and see no way out of this; that I had no support from friends or family where I lived, other than a partner at the time.

Like you, my partner at that time left me to make the decision. He too was reluctant to talk about it. I think this was because the decision I made would have such an impact on him too. With your partner, I suggest being aware that he may be processing his own emotions about this. With some people this can mean withdrawing inside themselves for a time to be able to do that.

Having revealed here that I chose to terminate my pregnancy, I want to also let you know that I am now past child bearing age and have no children. There have been times when I was sad about this. Overall I feel I made the right decision for me, my partner at that time, and the child that might have been.

I hope there will be others who reply to this discussion to give you some different perspectives on such a major choice for you.

Kind wishes,

Maz

In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

@Mazarita @Former-Member thank you for your replies!
Thank you for being so open about your experiences. I read that if you have anxiety before, when you get pregnant it is likely to get worse.
Why does nobody tell you things like this? It seems everyone is so happy for me and thinks this should be the best experience of my life, but what if it isn’t?
I wanted to come here to hopefully find some women who had been through the same, it’s easy to read a fact sheet from google but I thought first hand experience would be more valuable.
I do have a great partner, I wish he would open up more. I know he must be dealing with his own emotions inside and he said he doesn’t want to sway my decision in anyway, whatever happens he will be here.
I feel like a termination would be awful for my mental health and our relationship but to keep it will certainly put strain on us financially. I’m not hoping anyone can answer these questions for me, but if you have tips on how I can cope with the anxiety and the overwhelming feelings of not being strong enough to cope with this, I would be eternally grateful !

In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

P.s would also love to hear from any men who are going through this or have been through it. Helping my partner open up to me is all I want!

In response to: Re: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

Hi @ScaredPanda13,

I’m so glad you’ve been able to find some support on these forums. It can be tough reaching out, so good on you for recognising when things don't feel right and allowing others to support you.

Here at PANDA we speak to women every day who are having similar feelings about being pregnant. Every woman's experience of pregnancy is unique, and it’s really normal to experience emotional changes throughout this time. We know lots of people can feel scared, confused and sad, and it can be overwhelming to adjust to the idea of having a baby.

I really want you to know that there are supports available to help you. We’d love the chance to speak with you more on our Helpline, so you can make sense of what's going on and link in with some additional supports and health professionals if you need. You can call our Helpline on 1300 726 306 (Mon-Fri 9am-7.30pm AEDT) to speak with one of our trained counsellors.

As @Former-Member mentioned, there is lots of info on the PANDA website (www.panda.org.au). You or your partner might also like to look at our website specifically for men -- there is a great section for expecting dads and some info about supporting partners too: http://www.howisdadgoing.org.au/

Wishing you strength and self-compassion as you take these next steps @ScaredPanda13. We’d love to hear from you.

National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Helpline
Phone: 1300 726 306
Mon-Fri 9am-7.30pm AEDT


PANDA Team x

In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

Hey @ScaredPanda13

This is a big decision. I don't know all your circumstances but I'll share my story as it may give a different perspective.

I have suffered with depression since childhood. At 18 I became pregnant to a man who did not love me. I knew if I had the baby I would have to do it on my own. The DR and friends were all telling me to terminate the pregnancy. I was young, unemployed, lived nowhere near family and had big dreams. However, I felt a connection to this baby that I can't explain. I decided to keep him.

While I loved being pregnant physically, the emotions were out of control. Up and down like a rollercoaster, fear, guilt, tears. But ultimately it gave me hope for a better future, it gave me something to live for.

He was and is the person who gives me hope & joy. He is now 25 and lives overseas and we skyped for and hour and half tonight. A chat with him immediately lifts any bad mood and keeps me happy for days (yes I should find an intrinsic reason to be happy but I can't).

It was not easy and I am not a great parent. I am a good one who tries hard. I winged it a lot of the time. I made mistakes and I feel guilt about those but he seems to forgive me. He was and is very much loved and I think that is the most important thing you can give a child.

I am pro-choice and I don't want to sway you any way. This is just my story. Good luck. Just listen to all the stories then take a moment to think by yourself. You'll make the right choice for you.

In response to: Pregnant...scared!

Re: Pregnant...scared!

@MaryMahem
Thank you for your reply, it means a lot!
Stories like yours ring so true, I didn’t see myself having a child any time soon but there is something that I can’t explain that is telling me to keep this little bean.
Even though it could potentially cripple me financially and ruin any chance of my permanent residency here in aus. I don’t know how I would cope mentally if I decide to terminate.
It gives me so much joy to hear that your son is the light of your life. It gives me hope that we can make it work.
The uncertainty makes my anxiety so much worse, worrying about every different outcome and which decision will bring the most long term happiness.
I hope that you now have time to follow those big dreams you had at 18!
🙂
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