Memory is shot to bits

Hi @Bunniekins,

I suffered childhood abuse and have no memory of a lot of years when growing up and some years as an adult. This was once explained to me as the minds way of protecting itself (staying sane). I am happy not to remember those bits as unfortunately I can remember enough. As a child I also suffered psychosis as a result of abuse and what they called then multiple personality disorder but as an adult never had any other episodes of the latter. I did have a mental breakdown five years ago which has left its triggers and mental scars.

I am not sure if what you were referring to is similar to the above or you are suffering some sort of short term memory loss and/or recall? (which is different). As a result of my latter breakdown and hormone imbalance my short term memory did suffer but have since recovered. When one has a breakdown the latter can be effected.

Do you find you have lost memory of days, months and years or more trouble with memorising things like study material and recent events? High anxiety and stress/worries can certainly effect observation, concentration, focus and memory recall. It can recover if stress is reduced for awhile I have found.

(P.S. If anyone wants to tag me in a post please insert a dash - before and after my username (e.g. -enigma- ), otherwise I won't receive notifications. Thank you 😊 )

@Former-Member Thank you for answering my question. I had a complete breakdown and lost days, months and years. I simply cannot remember a good 5 years of my life during and after my psychosis.

I wont go into too many details but our family was put under a huge stress which included a violent member and to be honest it broke me. It has changed me forever ... it changed my family forever.

Now that all of that is in the past I still cannot remember details ... they flash in and out of my mind ... and then go again. That is what happens ... sometimes I am lucid othertimes like now I cannot remember what occurred not even partially.

Now even studying is hard as I find it hard to focus and all I want to do is sleep. I find this forum so valuable. I would be lost without it xx

My memory also is awful. since illness my memory are not good.

i can not comphresive information, for example i have to read book 4 times and still not good memory.

i do not remember past 1 day, i do not know or remember what i did 2 day ago. let alone year. bad memory. i might have some idea of key event , but vaverley.

Your welcome

Your situation sounds very similar to what I experienced more as a young child. Part of the abuse I suffered was violence towards me. Unfortunately this can bring us to a breaking point, it is something no human being should be exposed to. And when it gets too much the mind will find a way to escape in some....It seems that has been the case with us. When trauma has inflicted a chemical imbalance that will also effect memory in my experience. In my humble opinion I think it's a good thing not to remember or not try to as that's the minds way of protecting itself to heal.

I still sleep a lot from the breakdown I had which was about six years ago, but I have also had a lot of trauma since. So it depends on the personal circumstances as to what's doing what now. And medications can induce sleepiness. Have you discussed this all with your psychiatrist? As they can adjust medications if they are too strong or not working adequately etc. If it isn't the medications then this can be the body's way of healing - needing more sleep. Although frustrating it's not a bad thing if it does not interrupt your life to much. And in time you may find you need less as you get stronger - and you will.

Don't feel guilty if you can't study or take in as much as you would like to, it's important for healing to work,within your own personal limitations; doing your best is enough for now and all any of us can do. That's enough - your health and well being if the priority. The fact that you have not given up and still trying is a testimony of your strength. But I do understand how those mental symptoms can take its toll at times. Then it's living one day at a time - sometimes moment to moment.

In my own personal life experience recovering from a complete breakdown takes time to recover - and this time will depend on the individuals lifestyle, supports in place, treatment options and circumstances/stress they are under presently. Trauma recovery time is as Individual as the person - but it is definitely possible. I still have my relapses but have come so far from 6 years ago. And in time you will too. There is light at the end of the tunnel, never give up hope. Don't let it limit belief in what you can achieve over time. Sometimes we are slower than we would like,to attain our goals but we get there with perseverance.

I hope my sharing of my life experience helps a little. But certainly if you are concerned about your memory and it gets worse please don't hesitate to consult a medical practioner as we are all different.

I love your green pea avatar - it is so adorable xx

@Former-Member@neil Hi to both of you

-Enigma- I believe you are right. My mind cannot cope in many ways with what has happened. For me it was when I was an adult. My adult mentally ill son became violent and it last for 5 years ... I was ill during that time and still am.

It is like living in the present ... not to that extreme but not far off it either. I can still do my university work but as for working ... forget it ... there is no way I could do that. That would be impossible for me right now.

Neil very sorry to hear about your issues as well. Thank you for your kind words and am hoping for the best for you now and in the future.

@Bunniekins - feel very much for you. My mentally ill daughter violently attacked myself and husband 6 years ago amongst other things she put us through - we had to put her out of the home at that time. It was heartbreaking. That is what triggered my breakdown amongst other factors. We did allow her back but it's been a very rough roller coaster since. 6 years forward she has turned a corner and is starting to improve and finally I am obtaining the enovirnment to heal completely. All in time. Sorry you had to go through the same.

University study on its own is taxing for anyone, let alone attempting this being ill. You are doing well. Here to talk anytime. Sending a warm hug 🤗

@Former-Member So you know ... you have been there ... Oh am I glad to meet you! It was a living hell wasnt it! and then to become sick (my psychiatrist says it was due to stress for me) is like a double insult.

You know ...xx

Yes, that is the only way to describe it - a living hell. And the stress adversely effects us physically as well. A double whammy indeed and not for the faint of heart ! Pleased I have met you as well. I am here to talk with anytime. The best in life now lyes before us - one day at a time 💕xx

@Former-Member Big hugs! Moving forward onward and upward. Never look back xx

Hi @Bunniekins,

I remember after my bipolar diagnosis being a bit shaken up for a bit and would often fall into these daft states of disassociation where I would float through the day but they didn't last long. Not sure if it's the same as what you're feeling but I would generally be detached and not remember speaking to people etc. Was about a month long. Commonplace after a serious diagnosis apparently though.