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My husband of 7 years, with no diagnosis as never been to a doctor. Has been becoming frequently more irritable and angry with me. He is a poor sleeper at times and when he is stressed he states there is under ground tunnelling occurring and he can hear it. At the beginning 6yrs ago he would get out of bed and go searching for the noise. Now he just tells me it is still happening keeping him awake. More frequently when he is having periods of more stress he says all the neighbours call him names, They yell at him when he is outside, when in the shower. He respond to the voices by saying - "you wish' come on have a go...pulls faces back. He is shocked I can not hear it. He says he doesn't know why they don't say it to his face. He becomes very offended when I say I don't hear it, and he says it happens every where. Even when driving with the window up people yell at him.<br>As these episodes happened less frequently over the years I double take and think is it real or not? And actually I didn't want it to be real so I push it away thinking his thoughts will go away.<br>But we have two small boys and at times he is so involved with himself and distracted on his phone, laying on the couch any thing can happen around him and he is not aware of it. Then other times like now he is perfect, happy helpful and involved. But it is only a matter of two weeks and his moods will dip again.<br>Coincidence he was unwell so he wanted to go to a GP so I said great, tell them about your poor sleeping, waking up tired. I contacted the Dr and advised them of a brief concern of mine with his thoughts of others calling him names and left it at that and asked if they could do a assessment. Though he went to the GP, had bloods and not sure when he will follow it up. .<br>My husband also thinks when I cough in my sleep I am intentially coughing in his face or if I roll over and knock him I am intentially hitting him in my sleep.<br>Our old neighbours he was horrified I told them where we live as he said they now know and will do things to get under his nerves. But now the mood is good, but what do I ask him to do? Who do I refer to ? Do I have a plan in place before I mention that I don't think he is mentally stable? That I am so upset that I can't keep holding on to good time and putting up with the irrational comments and behaviour?? Any advice would beGreat, thanks for listening
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Life78Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Hi Again Few developments have happened and on if many set backs. My husband had a 3 hr talk with his sister. And a great ground for him to open up and good for her to listen to his stories and understand what he is telling her. And also cement the idea that it is real for him in her eyes and knowing he needs helps. Light conversation of getting checked out came up and he agreed. I made the appointment for Thursday just been though he thought he was going in for blood results, which was also true but this time I was tagging along. It didn’t dawn on him until 4pm and he appointment was 5pm that it wasn’t just for blood results. Of course he became angry, hurt and in disbelief I wanted to tell the Dr I was concerned for him and his health and thought he needed a good look over. I can’t believe I stayed calm the entire time, listen to him speak/ yell/ ( which is totially expected) . I am gutted it never went ahead, but that would of been to easy. He hasn’t talked to me since, sleeping down stairs, and sendi texts of ‘ignore someone who thinks they know you better then yourself’. But I’m being strong and just getting on as normal for my two young boys. Interesting the more he talked to me about the neighbours the more concrete it is that he must have the voices a lot. From friends if neighbours calling him names. It’s from these stories that he keeps bringing up I guess make me strong to think I am doing the right thing. Because I still doubt myself, because at the moment it is really hard even understand it all. But what’s my next step. I think if I bring it up again I will make him angry. I’m just keeping out of his way. He is not violent. I am just keeping away to avoid the arguement. But I know it has to come up again, or do I just say . Please make an appointment and we go from there. It’s like living an out of body experience. But if I put my self in his shoes- how would he be feeling? Would he have any insight into it? When does this happen? How do they react when they gain insight into them having a problem? Or do they never? Once medicated do they ever realise the neighbours were never the issue or do they still hold a grudge?
I know over time these answers will come but boy my mind is kind of numb but lost I guess. Another though is it ethical to talk to people who have lived through this? Have insight into their condition? Would they be able to tell me the path to take for my husband? How do I support him with out him thinking I am putting him under the bus. I try think logical - if he had heart disease I would pursue and ensure he got the best treatment . And this to me is the same, except he doesn’t see there is an issue?
Thanks for listening. Have a lovely day .
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Good morning @Life78 .....
What you are describing is exactly the circumstance of anyone whose close relative is challenged with a mental illness, without the insight to realise that is what is going on.
All the questions you have raised are valid, and while you don't consider that he is violent or that you and your boys are in danger, I would encourage you to persevere trying to access help, when and how you consider it possible. You will now, at least, have the understanding of his sister who may be able to assist you in seeking help and support ...,, and for the very reason you stated ..... if your husband had a physical illness you would be doing everything within your power to access the best treatment you could for him.
Take care ..... 🌷
In response to: Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Life78Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Thanks @Faith-and-Hope nice to hear your reassurance.
Yes the sister I will turn to and I will persevere. Though the anger and attitude that has come with this, is one thing that gets to me. The blame, which I knew would come my way, but yoru right as the sister has an understanding that just may make him think otehrwise and at least go prove me wrong at the doctors.
Have a lovey weekend
Thanks
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Thanks @Life78 ..... you too ..... 🌷
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Life78Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Hi, So the tension remains in the house and thinking is it worth another trying to talk to him again and bringing up my concern? The sister is OS at the moment and not back for a week. I feel I need to raise the tension and address it. Being more straight up with it, or is it best for him to raise the topic?? This thinking consumes me, and normally if we argue I raise it again and then we talk. This is different but by just putting it to the side and then in a week it may raise its ugly head again, or the sister may have the gentle approach he reponds to. I feel that If I don’t bring it up that I am pushing it aside and it’s not helping the relationship. I am frustrated that he just blocks me and that he just does not listen. Normal? I am sure it is. But if you can’t trust your wife or even listen to them then I don’t see that as good? What do you think? Leave it or raise it?
Thanks!
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
It sounds to me like you need the support of your family doctor to help make your way with this @Life78 ...... professional opinion. It might mean that you need to attend a Psychologist and work with them to try to secure help for your husband ..... not because you are unwell, but because he is.
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Life78Contributor
Re: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
Okay thanks! I will do that. I will continue on as normal put it to the side and see what they say.
Appreciate your quick response @Faith-and-Hope
Thanks
In response to: How do I tell him I think he has an issue?
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