Need Help with Depressed Husband

Hi Kaz,

Are you or your husband linked in to any supports currently? For example, GPs, psychologists, support workers, social support networks? I think there are lots of options for support for both you and your husband available, formal and informal. If you can provide a little further information, I am sure people on here will be able to provide a whole bunch of suggestions for where you are at & where to from here.

Take care

Would you mind telliing us the general area in which you live? Somebody will be able to supply you with valuable info. Are you in Melbourne?

Hi Kaz, I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't doing well. A friend recently used the beyondblue website to find a GP. You can nominate an area and it helps you identify medical practitioners who have an interest in mental health issues. Hope this helps and take care!

My fiance has PTSD and depressive symptoms, for motivation for him, I find it's good to tell him in advance that he has to get dressed and do >insert thing here< like...the night before, and if he's struggling, offer to help him with it. So if I ask him to cook dinner and he doesn't have the motivation, I ask him to just chop the potatoes and the meat and I'll do the rest.

I've kind of adopted a I will not leave you alone until you do >insert thing here<. It's pushy, and it doesn't always work, but I give him kisses, and poke him and tell him I will not leave him alone until he gets up and has a shower or helps me with the shopping or goes for a skate with me. He usually gets up and does whatever it is within about half an hour and when he's finished, I thank him for it, tell him I love him and he generally feels better about himself for getting up and being active.

We've also recently adopted a time table of housework. He doesn't work, so it's easy for him to just sit on the lounge all day feeling bad about himself. I'm quite busy now and simply can't keep up with all the house stuff AND help look after him AND keep up with study AND have my own down time, etc, etc. I asked him to pick the tasks he prefers, and write in when it would be most convenient for him to do them... since making the time table and with some little pushes from me to stick to it, I now receive text messages saying he's cleaned the kitchen, put the washing away and tidied the house. Then when I get home, I thank him and he has a sense of pride in what he has completed.

I think check points can also help, though, so your husband can SEE what he has achieved.

hi Brodie, that sounds like really excellent advice to me. I have been a carer but am also a person with a lived experience of depression and I know I respond well to just doing small, simple tasks...one at a time like you have described. My grandmother who had a serious mental illness with psychotic episodes used to say to me when I was struggling "just one foot in front of the other" when it seemed I could not contemplate doing anything at all. And when I was getting back to work after a long period away, I used to lay out my clothes the night before, pack my bag...do everything so that in the foggy morning medication hangover all I had to do was get up, showered and dressed and get myself out the door. I was unable to make simple decisions in the morning but was much better by lunchtime. Take care everyone!

My husband sees a psychatrist but has stopped seeing a psychologist.

He doesn't have a support network, just a few friends who are either depressed or alcoholics.

He's the co-carer for his father with alzeimers in a nursing home

We live in Sydney.

Thanks for the advice I'll look into that.

Oh my goodness... I'm not the only one in this situation. I care for my husband as well who has bipolor type 2 and it's hard to get him out of bed before 10am most mornings. During the day he can get very tired due to his medication especially if he manages to get up before this time.

Hey Melstar71,

It seems like a lot of us are in the same boat!!!

Have you spoken to the Dr who prescribed that medication about this effect the medication has? Maybe he/she has some tips on managing the side effect?

Welcome to the forums by the way!

NikNik