Taking the plunge

I have not agreed with everything, even tried to challenge at times. Mostly I keep at it by working with what I believe is the right spirit and approach.

I am sure there is a big need of people on the edges, not posting much and easily put off. It is really hard to please all the people all the time.

Be sad if we lost you over it.

@Gazza75

Hi @Gazza75

I'm sorry to hear that you do not feel comfortable emailing us (i.e., the SANE Forums team) about your concern and upset feelings regarding our moderation process. We would never want to position anyone to feel unsafe to contribute and seek support on the SANE forums. Unfortunately, sometimes this overarching intention positions us to ask a member to edit their post so that the safety of the broader community is retained. However, if you feel as if we have removed a post without enough consideration, we would love for you to email the SANE Forums Team (team@saneforums.org) to work through this process. Sometimes posts are re-instated as a result, as we acknowledge that moderators are humans and can, thus, make mistakes. Therefore, as @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Zoe7 said, please do consider emailing us.

Kindest Regards,

Amour_Et_Psyché

@CheerBear That image not only resonated with me but made me giggle. My sister has always said it would be easier to putch a match to my house rather than have to sort it out if I wasn't around - she is only joking but is not far wrong. I do have a lot of 'stuff' - mainly school stuff but a lot of books and art/craft stuff of my own too.

Oh procrastination - I know it well @CheerBear Unfortunately that does not get us anywhere or what needs doing done

It is heartbreaking when so much of what you have is broken or damaged Hon. Luckily when I moved I had time to pack and it was a very short distance so I could do it gradually and with care. Some things got damage when my Dad and sister's partner came to help - they were nowhere near as careful as I was ...but that is so different to your situation and how quickly it all had to happen. We used to have a very limited time frame to pack and get things out of houses when I worked with the DV shelter so I understand very much how quickly it all has to be done. We would have police accompany us on most of those occasions for all our safety as we would never know what we would be faced with. It is a really hard thing to have to face but I am so glad you have began to make a home for yourself and your LF again - it is not easy to do but you alone have done that Hon and that is some accomplishment

That is unfortunately not an uncommon story for me to hear @CheerBear I worked in crisis counselling as well as child support within the shelter. It was a full on job but I was part-time so it was more doable. I also worked mostly afternoons/nights so a lot of the time I was on my own. You get to know the police really well as well as other services ...but the job itself had its own rewards. One of the things that we used to find (and I am still sure happens so readily now) is women would be reluctant to leave because they did not see how they could 'survive' without help with things we often take for granted ie. changing a fuse ...they would often focus on those little things they could not do rather than the ongoing violence. It is a scary world when everything you have know is taken away and you have to face even those simple things on your own ...the power continues to be taken away even after they have left - no self worth, no self esteem, no confidence, no knowledge and no hope for anything more and that is what is heartbreaking - that people have been 'beaten down' so much that they feel stuck within their situation. It takes so much to rebuild lives after that but you certainly have done that Hon and with dignity, respect, courage and strength ...so much admiration for what you have done and continue to do for both yourself and your LF

@CheerBear

@CheerBear We often had women coming back 2 or 3 times ...and even after they had tried to rebuild their lives again. It is not an easy cycle to break out of at all - I certainly know that myself ...but my actual survival meant I had to and luckily for me it was the last near-death experience that finally ended it all. Maybe it was the realisation by him on how far he had taken it but that is something I will never know. The fear for months afterwards was so high until I founf out he had moved states - that gave me a little relief but much like you I had to rebuild things up in my life again. Uni had suffered, I no longer did most of my sport and the few friends I had I no longer saw but somehow I finished uni and continued to play one sport (although there were a couple of times I just did not turn up because I had no concept of time or where I was apart from sleeping and surviving). It is so hard to be controlled so severely that you have no sense of self and scared of what each day will bring ...and added on top of that the real fear for your life if you leave or tell anyone makes for a really unhappy, lonely and terrifying existence. I can only imagine what that would be like for someone with kids as well - it becomes not about you but about them and their welfare. So again - so much admiration for you for all that you have been through and all that you have done to rebuid your lives ...truly inspirational CB