Taking the plunge

@Faith-and-Hope There is no doubt in my mind you are a capable caring person, facing daily challenges both on the home front and online. I always enjoy your responses around the forum, and that cheeky sense of humour.

Yes I have visited other threads regarding DID. I was diagnosed at 17 yrs old, but that was it, now get on with it!!!!. The struggle to accept and live within the complexities are challenging of DID took years of accepting but mostly now we function well as a group. I will look up the information you spoke of, always interested in learning more. The best book I've read was " the sum of my parts". So much resembled my personal experiences in the book. The second part speaks of her integration. She is a solicitor and has been responsible for changing the child protection laws in America.

Thankyou for your response, it really is appreciated.

@Appleblossom@Thankyou for responding.

@utopia@Thankyou. Yes a supportive community ok.

@Former-Member I'm thinking, hoping you might be home after hubby so tests. I don't knoe if you have results yet, but I hope you are okish. I look forward to continuing our friendship here hoping safety will return to your life.

Always encouraging uplifting words come from you, even though your personal struggled are demanding and worrying. I will keep an eye out for you here and on your new thread. I hope you can do a little self care tonight, at the least some RAnd R.

My day has been long and demanding somim headed to bed to watch a bit of tv. Thankyou for your welcome visit here.

@Faith-and-Hope You made me smile with WHs kindigarten riot, but on a more serious note the reasons might be surprising. I said in my other post the lady from the book is a solicitor, a lawyer actually. You are right, each one needs to be heard and though many of mine are very small, they can and do speak for themselves. I was fortunate to fine someone willing to walk slowly. Now 13 yrs later and pieces falling into place, things are making a little bit of sense, in a chaotic kind of way. I'm heading to look up sub personalities now. Regarding the inner critic, mine is ruthless. No more needs saying.

I hope your day goes well. Look forward to bumping into you around the forum.

Morning @Maggie .... 🤗💕

Thank you for sharing some more about DID with me.

I have said on numerous occasions around the forums that my personal belief is that a diagnosis is only helpful insomuch as it helps us with understanding what is happening to the person who is at the centre of it .... helping to identify appropriate medication, therapy, medical, family and social support for what they need to be at their most well state.

Without a diagnosis in our situation, we have been floundering. I imagine it was much the same for you. What appeared to be an eating disorder in our case now seems to be headed to much more, in determining the driver behind it. I am not medically trained, but in walking this marathon (support services have stressed that it was never going to be a sprint) I was advised repeatedly to learn as much as I could about eating disorders so I could understand what we were all going through as a result, and what 8 can and can't put boundaries on.

Increasingly it seems to be that a multiple diagnosis is involved, not DID as I haven't witnessed any alters that I am aware of, but there seem to be several co-existing strands to how WH is behaving, and only some of them are directly e.d. related.

I think he has long been nursing injured sub-personalities, with others trying to defend their very young and troubled fears and perspectives, and it is "driving his car all over the road' to use an analogy. It is so incredibly confusing to try to engage with, so we don't. We are just trying to walk along with him until we can find a doctor / doctors who can engage with him and help him to work it all out.

I think that dealing with sub-personalities must be something akin to alters, only they haven't developed as separate identities within the whole of us. The movie "Inside Out" goes a long way towards illustrating the principles of this, only I believe most people operate with about 12 sub-personalities, and they are named according to their function .... eg Jester (acts the clown), Sage (offers wise advice), Teacher (guides llearning), Fiary Princess (young and dreamy inner child) etc

These sub-personalities can try to dominate your overall behaviour and thinking if they are panicked or injured, and others will try to defend or support their perspective, particularly if they are amongst the very young ones .... and under those circumstances it becomes very difficult for the more adult and balanced members of your inner family to remain in control.

As with alters though, each sub-personality is there for a reason, and each needs to be heard, for the value of what they can add to the overall decision-making processes that govern our thoughts and behaviours. Our older, more balanced ones, need to remain in control, and call for respectful interaction amongst the members of the family.

I am sure a lot of this will resonate with you. If it is too much for you to leave it here, I will remove the post.

💜💐💕

No @Faith-and-Hope not too much at all. I have been reading a bit about the inner family this morning and need time to digest it all. In working through things with my counsellor, she put her books down and previous knowledge when working with me. We are trying to write a book about DID counsellor client type of thing. Her view is that there are different degrees of DID, I guess a bit like type 1and 2 bipolar, more severe symptoms. Personally I feel the name is all wrong as my personalities are far more than dissociation. They are both male and female, dark hair, blond hair, one has a pronounced stutter and very much individuals, each carrying memories and desire to save my life. They still do this today. Last year a 5 yrs old emerged with one of the biggest struggles so far, one I didn't think I was going to survive. I did everything wrong in my effort to help, and facing the memories she has brought, well, no words for that. She has become my little gardener. Barbed wire around her heart as she feels too ugly for anything else, but finding beauty in creating her little paradise. So in my own little mad world, I understand some of what you have written.

Your strength comes through amazing, but I'm sure you have your moments of wanting to run and hide, I hope you do at times.

Hello dear @Maggie

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts of my welfare. Hope you managed to get a good night's sleep - I slept about 10 hrs. It has been quite a draining week.

No results of my husband's tests yet - won't know until a week or so time. It's concerning but we are living in the moment keeping a positive outlook as best we can. This couple of years has been tough with no break on the stress levels - it's been one thing after another. But the focus here now is to beat this latest health issues where the odds are against us. That has not defeated us before. I hold onto my faith.

My close friend came over yesterday as she had missed me. She was so loving which boosted my spirit. I don't tell her how I actually feel because she is recovering from kidney cancer surgery. I don't want to burden her which is why I often carry this huge mountain alone. My other friend found out her tumour was not malignant and quite treatable which was good news. When I was waiting for my husband in the imaging clinic a woman I had seen one or twice in the shop saw me and sat down next to me. We had a good conversation and this helped take my mind off things. That was a good thing, she is a nice lady.

The rough time is ahead so I am bracing myself for the storm.

As for safety I have had a lot of practise lol. My acute intuition is my friend and will guide me as it always has to whom I can and cannot trust and where to tread. I can sense negativity aimed at me and will move away (no, it wasn't you ofcourse). I am rawly honest and there will always be critics - I will just keep doing what I do to help others to the best of my ability and all will be good. I miss our fun interesting conversations. I know you are a true friend on here that I can trust. And I will always be there for you as long as you want me to, and others who may need me.

My daughter moves out soon. She is really improving - working around the clock to pay her debts, has her car back on the road and has enrolled to study psychology. Although she has a way to go she has taken a step forward. I feel when we live apart she will remember what I have always tried to get through to her, realise the truth of it and we will grow closer.

The commencement building date of our ocean dream home should be starting within 6 weeks time. We keep our vision of the future on enjoying this life together. We will beat the odds again.

How is your day going? Do you have much plans for the weekend?. How are you feeling in yourself? How is the visitor? I may do some crosss stitching and/or writing. I so enjoy both - I love anything creative. Can't wait to see pics of yours. Have you written any more music lyrics. You are so talented my friend. I left your printed out last lyrics of the lotus flower on my study desk. My husband saw and read it. He exclaimed "this is really good". My husband is a harsh critic. If he is saying tha then the lyrics are truly extraordinary. You should keep going......

I am also looking forward to continuing our very real friendship - something that we don't come across everyday and is to be treasured. We have much in common. Have a wonderful day my friend. Lots of love always ❤️