Taking the plunge

Hi @Former-Member ..... 🌷

Told mr. f&h that his lifestyle choice, which he is not prepar d to alter in any way, is incompatible with me as a marriage partner, and that I was happy to continue with him, and our family life, as “just friends”.

I have told everyone who needs to know about the e.d. behaviours and mindset ...... findings are coming back from S2’s mh team that we have an “immovable” form of personality disorder involved (at least one, if not more) and there are other mh issues that mr. is refusing to acknowledge.

This allows me to be involved as his friend but not have to work with the e.d. as central to our relationship. We are close enough as friends to be able to function ion to all outside appearances, and even to the kids, as if we have a marriage dynamic, but the truth is mr. set himself outside a marriage relationship 8 years ago, and I have, at the advice of a mh counsellor, given up pursuing to get it back.

I am not abandoning him or the family, just “consciously uncoupling” I think a movie star referred to it as ......

I am so happy for you @Faith-and-Hope
That’s great news that you were able to speak up with WH. That’s a huge step for you. Wow! What a relief for you and a great way to start the new year. I’m wondering how he took the news?
👍😃💕

He seems to have taken it well ...... it meant talking openly and matter-of-faculty about behaviours that he was assuming he had hidden well, so it showed him that I have been roller sting the c/s etc in an effort to reach a point of treatment ...... and he stated again that he doesn’t want treatmwnt ..... that it is a good addictive ion that he is self-medicating and keeping under control, and he is happy with that. It has just cost him our marriage. In saying that, I will remain so close as a friend that we will continue our lifestyle with joint finances etc regardless, and “co-parenting” our adult kids ..... so really it’s just calling a spade a spade, but it means that his e.d. and p.d. issues are his, rather than ours ......

Really really happy you spoke up @Faith-and-Hope ❤️
I mean it. 😀. That took strength and no, you’re not responsible for his issues. You’ve done well putting up with it all for so long.

I may be in a better position to help him as his friend @Former-Member ...... because he is less likely to view me as an adversary, which is part of the p.d.

It’s great you can still be friends @Faith-and-Hope. 😃💕👍.

Hahaha “roller sting” = tolerating ...... Autocorrect was too fast for me.

good addictive ion = food addiction ....... :face_with_rolling_eyes:

If we hadn’t encountered the issues we have with S2 this year @Former-Member, and come under the influence of his mh team, I don’t think this would have been possible. They have quelled the control issues and aggression that were knocking us around so badly until then ..... so that has actually ended up working for me, despite what one member of the team chose to do with my disclosures.

Thank goodness you have the mh team for support @Faith-and-Hope