Borderline Personality Disorder

Hey guys. So here's the story. I'm a 24 yo health professional with a 3 month th old beautiful boy. Before and during my pregnancy I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression but didn't understand why I continued to be violent towards my partner by screaming and crying at 4am paranoid about everything and breaking doors when he would hide in there from me. J didn't find out until 3 months post partum that I had BDP. The day I was diagnosed my partner said he couldn't do it anymore and left me. He then said he still loves me but wants me to get help but I'm scared he will use this against me in court when it comes to custody with our son. I've called beyond blue, lifeline, saw my therapist and left messages ona local hospitals psychotherapy BDP program unit etc with zero replies. I can't seem to find the support I need. Even a little regular BDP group meetin would be so nice. It would feel so great for me to link with young women as well as many others with my condition. I feel so alone. I've lost so many relationships and feel like I'll never have a normal life or have people who will want to stay .....