So exhausted

I'm so mentally tired. I've been up for over 24 hours now. Didn't sleep at all and cleaned and organised packing. My anxiety is huge ATM like 80-90 on suds scale. My visit with my sons was cancelled by my ex. I haven't
seen them fir2 months. I need sleep and mental rest but ptsd and mood is crazy. In pushing through one room to go. But tonight in just awake tried all sleep stuff but can't eat lately either. In so tired of ongoing stressors. That I have no control over. I just want to go home to Adelaide where friends and family are. But I can't leave the town cos my sons are here. In trying to breathe but in am so overwhelmed and teary. My dad being away has affected me too. He's in contactable par random email til end of November. Hold on I must but there's only one human can bear before they really break. Share housing again too is also making me anxious it unknown how the group dynamics will be. It's crisis housing so drama will be there and one woman has two kids under 5. They go to kinda lady said but hope the mums ok at being a mum other Wise being a mum and background with children I won't be able to not help. Can't wait to 4 am I've already had six showers this evening. Man this cyber world is hard I feel so detached from everyone but good things are being put in place so while I'm breaking I look at them. I don't draw either ATM and cos I was so broke I sold my guitar. A release for me now I regret that decision. Desperation is not a good place to be. Well that's where Im at. All I desire is a hug and a warm smile from my sons. QLD law and mental health and justice system is so behind S.A. I didn't realise policies for each state are different. So homesick. But can't move without my sons. One day they and me will have justice against the stigma of mental illness and parenting aren't a part of everyday life.