SPRING-Clean Declutter - Need Help

@Former-Member

ohhhhhh hugs my wonderful friend @Former-Member

❤️❤️❤️ @Former-Member .....

DAY 4
I don't know if I can do this. Its all gotta go, pretty much, so why is it so hard? Its my head - its official - "I'm scatty like my mother" And my body does fiercely protest. Woke with loud ear whistles this morning, swollen lips & sore throat (definitely lost my beauty lol)

CraftGp/Chch friend dropped in briefly after shopping yesterday (i live near woolies), and she had a cold she'd been fighting, coildn'd stay long enough for a coffee (with groceries in the car), asked a lot of questions 😞 ra

She rminded me "you're the only one who can do this you know" (in other words - I can't help you). I offered my substantial load of material to the quilting group - "bring it roundround" she said. Later, it occurred to me - WHY CAN'T SHE PICK IT UP! (grr, now I'm getting cranky - their not worth that). At leart the other chch friend stayed for coffee, brang creamcake and helped me load the car with x6 boxes of books donating to the church library. Oh, she wants me to go to church today. I don't think so. I feel a bit hurt by the lack of support over the yearsyears, andcbusy here - expected too much Ifrom them I guess. But guess they they do pray for me, and care, they say, and welcome me into their meetings... I don't know, maybe it is me. Too much of a loner these days, don't perform well enough to 'fit in' (which usually means - not earningbenough money). Hmm, betta not go down that track atm. Blackdog is down that track.

But Everyone wants to know "what are you doing now?" ... ... Which of cause "I don't know" (other than helping dad 'till he dies & wanting to live within driving distance of my son.

My son rang ladt night to say he's not well & wont be coming up this weekend as planned 😞 Said He's lost 3kg with stomach virus or something poor dear 😞 Now I'm worried I won't get to see him 'cause i really don't think I'll have a spare couple days to drive to Brisbane before having to go back south to the Guardianship hearing / tribunal 😞

Really on my my own here guys and that makes me feel very very sad with life. Sad indeed. Blackdog wants me to come lay with him. But resisting, somehow...

Must read back over all your beautiful posts today, for encouragement.

Really gotta get focused here.

Heres something that made me chuckle when i arrived Tuesday. Last night i packed up the nativity window display in the front window. Yes, its been up all this time - with working solar lights since Dec28 LOL

Well, betta have brekky, take my meds (they help me cope), dress for battle - good shoes, bra etc lol.

Light a candle for me. Please. I'm barely holding together - and hurting.

Wondering how all you guys are coping / doing with your jobs.. Take care...

Candle lit for you @Former-Member ....

@Former-Member

Can't see it yet @Faith-and-Hope, and @Former-Member, but means a lot, thank you. Lots a tears here.

All this 'winding up' - think of Jesus in the Garden crying "Father, take this cup from me" Sounds melodramatic, I know, but like Jesus - I just have to hold the course, do the best I can, say little, keep going...

√ took my meds
√ ate something, apple & toast
√ put good walking shoes on

√ put blackdog on leash
√ talked to someone - you 🙂
- packed x2 boxes √

If I could have, I would have come with you @Former-Member ..... and worked by your side to help you ..... and talk about the beautiful memories you have of the special times you spent with your gorgeous girl. Some of us are only here for a short, or shorter time, and that doesn’t make heart-sense in the here and now, but it will one day ......

Courage, my friend ..... moment by moment ..... and we are here sharing the journey with you in spirit.

Keep telling us of your progress, and your church friends not rolling their sleeves up to work with you, or coming past to collect things for you to save you that extra burden, speaks of their limitations and why you need to move somewhere else ....

Shake the dust off your shoes as you leave .....

https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.gotquestions.org/amp/shake-dust-off-feet.html

I wish you were here.
Just stopping for comfort food & EB Tea, lovely to get your msg (more tears - guess they're a release & not bad).

Just packed my girls special things, including the handfull of ashes I kept for her. You know, I put little purple silk butterflies in with ashes so she doesn't get lonely - how weird is that. I'm not good at this grief thing. In a little pewter gewellery box with her namw on it, And it all went in a purplepurple gift box - her little things. And theres a bigger purple travel bag cause I'm sure they'll be more. Remembering her bouncing on the trampoline, so active, her great love for everyone, especially her Claypan dog. And her hugs were to die for :). And her generous spirit (nick named by the teachers at school as 'the little social worker). Oh his I kiss her smile and nowhere to put the love I have for here but my tears. Sorry.

Better keep going... hand to task as tgey say. Had my cry 😞 Practicing mindfulness as I go... especially with BUBBLE WRAP 🙂 he he!!

Hmm, That gives me a good idea, light some incense for smell and gentle music.

Love the pics by the way girls 🙂 ta xox

Hi @Former-Member

For sure - those people you used to know - perhaps seemed to be friendly - ah no - they are not worth it - they could help but no - they don't. won't or can't and it's rather sad they are that way

But here you are - we can't do anything physical with you because we can't - but we would if we could -

I cried when I read about your little girl's ashes and the butterflies - how much harder it seems to me that it's so much harder for your little girl for you - my son was in so much trouble I focus more on his soul being free than what remained after he had gone - I don't know why this is so - perhaps because of the emotional pain he had and that he is at peace

And my son has been gone for so much longer too - and he wanted to - but still - what you wrote touched me in a beautiful way

It's your story and I love that you have shared it - to me stories are so important - I am a story-teller - the grand-daughter of story-tellers - perhaps part of my Celtic heritage

I am thinking of you between ships right now - or between steps - on your journey - and it's a very lonely journey

Care heaps Lapses

Dec

Remember God is always with you though

And yes - it would be great if the cup could pass from you - there is a choice there - a very hard one