When my opinion doesn't count...

@Appleblossom you asked me yesterday if the meeting I'm meant to have is with people I've had trouble with before - the answer to that would be both yes and no. One of the people I'm meant to meet with was involved in treating me quite poorly a few months ago, and I find it quite hard to face them again. IEspecially when I was accused of something that I didn't do and my side of the story wasn't given a chance - so basically I've been labelled as a liar as well as this other thing they accused me of. After all that, I had seriously thought about dropping out of uni and considered hiring a lawyer to sue them for defamation, discrimination and undue emotional damage, but I've ploughed on and continued to get good marks - so far.

It's going to take all the strength I have to face that person again, as I don't trust them and the idea of seeing them makes me both angry and quite anxious (eg, what's their next accusation going to be?). One of the worst things about meetings like that, when I feel anxious, I can't think of things to say properly and it's only afterwards that I think of things and then I end up living the same scenario over in my head 'I should've said this', 'I should've said that'. This just leads in a downward spiral - another reason I didn't want the meeting.

But, I guess we all have to do crap in life that we don't want to do.

It sounds like it was a horrible experience.

Not all lecturers are good or honest. They are under pressure and trying to protect their backs and their jobs. Mostly I have had good to nuetral non relationships with lecturers but one lady at VU was apparently jealous that I came from Melb uni .. and had it in for me .. it is weird and it takes all types.. then I heard about all the problems the poor department was having ...

Maybe prepare and make notes too, write the scenarios down and workshop them rather than let them stay in your head, then maybe you will face it better. Also once bit, twice shy, talk to some one else at uni before you go .. to cover yourself.

Thanks, @Appleblossom. Your acknowledgement of me somehow makes me feels comforted. It gets difficult cos I can't talk about things like this with my family. They think I over-react and don't support my attempt at uni.

I do need to learn to write things down more - I spend to much time playing facebook games. I was taught years ago if I had strong hurt feelings towards a person, to write a letter to them, but not send it. Or even to pretend that person is sitting in a chair opposite me and to verbally tell them how I feel. It sounds strange, but it is useful, especially when all that pent up emotion gets released.

I also have a diary that I occasionally write it. I was meant to be a one year diary, but I don't have enough happen in my day-to-day life to write in it every day, so I just write in it sometimes and that's why it's lasted 5 years and I'm not even half way through.

Well, now I know what to do in the morning, start preparing for my upcoming meeting! Thanks! 🙂

Dear @Ace85

I've found the entry ....been busy but happy I found you. Is all okay ??

Kind Regards,

Anne

Dear @Ace85

I've found the entry ....been busy but happy I found you. Is all okay ??

Kind Regards,

Anne

Cheers @Ace85

Hope the meeting and exam week went ok

@ Appleblossom - Well I managed to pass all my assessments this week, but I have come out the other end full of anxiety and once again fighting the memories of my previous experience on prac work. My next prac work is scheduled to start on 21/9 - but at the moment I don't know if I can do it.

As for the meeting I had mentioned, I actually had gotten the date wrong (wishful think maybe?) and it's actually scheduled for next Monday. Waiting for meetings like that fill me with dread, as I always assume the worst. Gosh, I just wonder what else they're going to throw at me, what other accusations do they have? What other unlawful requests for medical information are they going to make? I'm so angry at them all and so over the politics of it. If someone were to even just offer a simple apology, somehow that would help me to be able to move on, but they won't do that, cos that is like admitting fault. Grrr!

Feeling confused, feel like crying, feeling isolated, feeling like everything is always my fault.....

Fantastic re exams @Ace85

Good luck at Mondays meeting

Yes I have found that it is a rare person who can admit they have done wrong and make genuine amends let alone a simple apology.