dideohContributor
so hard to keep positive
My daughter is 38 and attempted to take her life about 10 weeks ago. Since then it has been an ongoing saga of sadness. I had to call 000 a few weeks after that attempt and she was admitted to hospital again but released 2 days later. Now she refuses to talk to me and she is blaming me for all her troubles. She has a 14year old and 9 year old at home. Her first attempt was because she finally decided after leaving her husband 14 months ago, she had been totally unsuccessful at finding another partner. He had just started dating an attractive lady and my daughter was livid as she saw him as the villian in their relationship. He didn't deserve to find someone when she was going to have to spend the rest of her life alone.
It was so hard having to call 000. She was angry at me because of a variety of reasons- things like I had not cleaned her floors - I would spend 3 days cleaning cooking caring but I didn't clean her floors spotlessly clean. She sent me away and was angry because I wasn't there for her. She ranted and raved on the phone to me and then started saying "you want me to ...... myself" At that point I felt I had no option but to call 000. I was concerned for the children as she was not getting out of bed to feed them or see them off to school. There was rotten food in the fridge and no one knew what was good or not. She locked herself in her room and would not talk to her 14 year old who was terrified that Mum was going to harm herself again. The 14 year old was distancing herself from her "why should I love someone who doesn't want to be around to see me grow up". My daughter was so miserable to be around that my granddaughter would come out of her room for meals or if needed but otherwise stayed in her room to escape being around my daughter's misery.
It seems that mental illness is just too hard and there really is little that can be done. Her admittance to hospital was a shocking experience. She was only there 2-3 days and I only know what her ex husband has told me. At least she is talking with him and he is taking care of the children a lot. There is a really great retreat for people with depression on the sunshine coast which sounds excellent but it would cost $20,000 for an intensive 4 week stay. However, it included really good food and advice on the necessity of eating properly. It is a truly holistic approach.
I have no contact with her at all. She has even blocked me from facebook. At least I get to see the grandkids every once in a while. I used to see them every 2-3 weeks and stay 3 days and I am very close to them.
It is so hard. Her ex husband brought the kids to see me yesterday and he said she is not any better. She is miserable to be around and sees everything negatively. She is seeing a psychologist but even he is pessimistic about her future. I have been to see him and while he cannot talk about her specifically, he can talk in general terms. I live each day wondering how she is but I know she is so sad, angry and sees fault and blame in everyone else. The hardest part is that sometimes I wish she had succeeded the first time. Now the children, her ex, myself and my husband live our lives fearing her moods and are we going to find her body one day.
