Bipolar 2 - diagnosis

This is my first post. I am so glad to have found this site. Only my family know about my diagnosis and my struggles - my friends only know I was depressed and spent 2 months in hospital. They are wonderful friends, visited me, took care of the garden while I was away... I can identify with the others who are not ready to spread the news of their bipolar 2 disorder far and wide. The general population has only recently begun to understand depression. Bipolar is still beyond most of them.

I was diagnosed at age 59. I always wondered if other people felt the way I did. I didn't understand how someone could just get up nice and early, go calmy about the items on their list during the day and methodically tick them all off. During active periods I was here, there and everywhere. When I was down there was very little happening - and it was slow.

After about six changes of anti depressants, I entered hospital for another change and ended up on lithium. I have a love hate relationship with this drug. I am happy I no longer get terribly depressed, but I do miss my active periods. I got so much done. They were fun. I have found that learning to live with the new meds and the BP is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I used to cook - I can't cook. I used to be an extrovert - now I am much more introverted. I used to be fanatical about my hobbies - now I sometimes don't care. So for me, it seems like a personality change. I am learning to live with it but I do sometimes wonder if the struggle is worth it.

Who is the real me? Like others, I find this impossible to tell. It seems to be a matter of muddling through, just taking each day as it comes and doing my best. And there are lots of joyous times. I purposely make myself acknowledge any pluses. The last four years have been a huge learning curve and it gives me a boost to read on here that I'm not alone. There are others in a similar situation. I salute you and look forward to exchanging views, working together and progressing