Unknown userMember
Job loss
Hello
How long does it take to get over a job loss? I haven't worked most of the year and I still go to bed and think about the day ahead until I remember I don't work anymore 😞
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Job loss
20 replies
In response to: Job loss
SaharaSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
Hi @Former-Member,
sorry to come into this discussion so late... It's got me thinking about work and how my attitudes to working have changed over the course of my life. I think that for a lot of people work becomes their identity and their work-mates become like some kind of surrogate "family". Most of us also have a tendancy to see our job as permanent and unchanging, when in reality anyone can lose their job at any time.
Work kind of feels a lot more important than what it really is.
After 28 years in the workforce, I can honestly say that my job is not me. It is not who I am.... not even close to who I am. Other than the fact I get paid to go to work, I don't have any attatchment to my job at all. It's just a job. If I got the sack tomorrow, I could walk out of there with my head held high and I would think "Thank God I never invested anything of my real self into my work."
I think the only time this would not apply is if I owned my own business and worked for myself- then, of course, I would have a lot of myself invested in my work (although not too much, I would hope!)
@Former-Member, I wonder do you ever see this as an opportunity to take a break form working and do some other interesting stuff?
Would your husband be interested in picking up the slack and becoming the main wage earner in your family?
Are you seeing a psychologist and do you have the opportunity to discuss what working really meant to you? I wonder if your job didn't become your whole identity, in a way?
I hope you are feeling better today.
In response to: Job loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Job loss
Hi @Sahara
Thank you for explaining how you feel about your job. I feel very different. I have invested my life into work. I've done start-ups for big companies. My husband has always supported me and when I needed to put in big hours, that's ok. When I needed to travel, that's ok. When we needed to move countries, that's ok. He left his ambitions behind to follow mine and unfortunately he is not able to pick up the slack, as he is a tradesman past his due date.
I talk to my therapist, but we have too much to talk about. There is only so much we can fit into a weekly session.
I just can't figure it out. I feel like I messed it all up 😞
Thank you for explaining how you feel about your job. I feel very different. I have invested my life into work. I've done start-ups for big companies. My husband has always supported me and when I needed to put in big hours, that's ok. When I needed to travel, that's ok. When we needed to move countries, that's ok. He left his ambitions behind to follow mine and unfortunately he is not able to pick up the slack, as he is a tradesman past his due date.
I talk to my therapist, but we have too much to talk about. There is only so much we can fit into a weekly session.
I just can't figure it out. I feel like I messed it all up 😞
In response to: Re: Job loss
SaharaSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
Hi @Former-Member,
I wonder if you would like to talk more about why you chose your career, why you eventually left work and what your illness is like for you now?
I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and I believe it is really helpful to do that. I had counselling on and off for around 10 years and it helped me immensely.
The realisations I had about my work life came to me gradually. For the record, I trained in a fairly specialized field after I left high-school and manged to work my way up to middle management, even though I did not enjoy my work. It was very demanding job- and very, very stressful. But I always knew it wasn't me - that I was simply playing a role and fitting in with what others expected of me.
In response to: Job loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Job loss
Hi @Sahara
That sounds like me, broad university, then very specialised field, then management and then crash, boom, burn and I cannot comment why I left.
Life moves on, everyone moves on and I'm stuck. Like when my Dad died, my world stopped, but no one else's did. I've always worked, literally worked, through every single thing I had in my life, pushed the demons in the background and worked and thrived.
Now I feel like an outcast, I can still polish up the business facade, but for a couple of hours a week and then I just want to curl up and hide. I feel like I've always been a fluke and now everyone looks in my eyes and knows I was the one that made it, but have never fitted there.
I give myself some time to see what can happen and then I will make a cut. I'm not living like this.
That sounds like me, broad university, then very specialised field, then management and then crash, boom, burn and I cannot comment why I left.
Life moves on, everyone moves on and I'm stuck. Like when my Dad died, my world stopped, but no one else's did. I've always worked, literally worked, through every single thing I had in my life, pushed the demons in the background and worked and thrived.
Now I feel like an outcast, I can still polish up the business facade, but for a couple of hours a week and then I just want to curl up and hide. I feel like I've always been a fluke and now everyone looks in my eyes and knows I was the one that made it, but have never fitted there.
I give myself some time to see what can happen and then I will make a cut. I'm not living like this.
In response to: Re: Job loss
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
Hi @Former-Member .....
Just dropping past to see how you're going.
In response to: Job loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Job loss
Hi @Faith-and-Hope
Thank you for asking. How are you?
I can hardly believe it's Friday again, another unproductive week. My time feeling has completely changed.
I don't want to be in this world anymore. Every morning I wake up and I have to make an effort to keep going. I know a lot of you struggle to get out of bed, I still do a lot. But I have noticed that work was a coping mechanism all my life, sometimes excessively, well not sometimes, and it helped me move away from unhelpful coping mechanisms. Now I just exist. And I hope that one day I will see sense in this existence again.
Thank you for asking. How are you?
I can hardly believe it's Friday again, another unproductive week. My time feeling has completely changed.
I don't want to be in this world anymore. Every morning I wake up and I have to make an effort to keep going. I know a lot of you struggle to get out of bed, I still do a lot. But I have noticed that work was a coping mechanism all my life, sometimes excessively, well not sometimes, and it helped me move away from unhelpful coping mechanisms. Now I just exist. And I hope that one day I will see sense in this existence again.
In response to: Re: Job loss
SaharaSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
I hope you are Ok, @Former-Member. That's interesting that you recognise that working was a coping mechanism for you. Do you think that you had some depression before you left your job, but that you were able to keep the depression at bay, by keeping busy?
That seems like a really important realization, @Former-Member. Had you ever been treated for depression before?
In response to: Re: Job loss
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
Good morning @Former-Member @Sahara ..... 🌷💕
imo both of you have tapped the nail on the head .....
My hubby is running himself ragged, quite littlerally, after retiring from 25 workaholic years as a powerful business owner .... I say powerful because he had earned a lot of respect and recognition within our business industry, which is a bad-a## industry .... and he grew up in a bad-a## part of town.
His work was his life's achievement, perhaps moreso than us as his family, but it wI'll be extremely hard for him to come to terms with that.
While that is all about us, I want to encourage you to replace the space that work took up in your life with a variety of other activities.
We have reached a point in our lives where that sort of significant change does impact ..... our kids have grown up, so last year saw the last of the school runs. That leaves me instantly with far more time in the day, and not having to watch the clock. It takes away school washing, and the making of packed lunches ..... it even takes away the need to get up and go at any particular time of day.
These activities need to be replaced by something else, so on that principle, my hubby set out to do the right thing .... he just landed on a slippery slope .... but that is a pitfall that you need to be aware of, but not let the pitfalls stop you from creating new interests and purpose in your life.
Having a basic housekeeping routine can provide some of that scaffolding ..... then add in a personal routine, like a daily shower at around the same time .... keep to meal hours .... excercise (I take a morning walk to a local coffee shop and have my coffee there, which adds in socialising ..... saying hello to familiar faces there).
If you do have an underlying depression, it may be mild, and structuring your day is one way to deal with that .... creating purpose and engagingly self-discipline.
Can you talk with your doctor about this ? I believe under a health care plan you are entitled to a series of appointments free of change.
In response to: Job loss
Unknown userMember
Re: Job loss
@Sahara and @Faith-and-Hope
Thank you for your answers and I will take time to think about them later. At the moment I'm trying to make my face look presentable and wipe away the tears as I have tradies outside working on the house.
I lost my job because of my illness. I receive treatment for complex trauma and PTSD. I'm far too young to retire and no source of income if I don't go to work. So I'll have to get going again somehow.
Thank you for your answers and I will take time to think about them later. At the moment I'm trying to make my face look presentable and wipe away the tears as I have tradies outside working on the house.
I lost my job because of my illness. I receive treatment for complex trauma and PTSD. I'm far too young to retire and no source of income if I don't go to work. So I'll have to get going again somehow.
In response to: Job loss
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Job loss
I agree @Former-Member ..... and it means that you already have support for your mental health.
Have you considered volunteer work as a stand-by, and perhaps a lead-in to new employment ?
I won't ask any more questions than that, and please only answer if and when you feel comfortable to .....
I will tag you from the Good Morning thread occasionally, if you feel up to it .... please let me know ...... and there is a Daily Goals thread that some people find helps them to get up and going in the morning. See how you feel.
💐💕
Have you considered volunteer work as a stand-by, and perhaps a lead-in to new employment ?
I won't ask any more questions than that, and please only answer if and when you feel comfortable to .....
I will tag you from the Good Morning thread occasionally, if you feel up to it .... please let me know ...... and there is a Daily Goals thread that some people find helps them to get up and going in the morning. See how you feel.
💐💕
