@bookish wrote:
All the more reason for me to try, @Phoenix_Rising. 
I guess manipulative behaviour could be defined as negative deliberate behaviour to make another person react in a certain way.
Standing at the counter of a shop so that someone will serve you is not manipulative.
But if you were standing at the counter, saying in a really loud voice ‘Wow, the service here is SO SLOW!’ so that someone will come and serve you—that would be manipulative.
Or another example:
You’re waiting in the queue at a taxi rank so you can go home. Not manipulative
But if you pretend to limp like you’ve got a really sore leg so that other people will let you jump the queue—that would be manipulative.
@Former-Member...but then we come right back to the clothes alight example. If a person accidently sets their clothes alight, they may run into the street screaming - a negative deliberate behaviour to make a person react in a certain way. If a person is in extreme emotional pain, they may engage in a deliberate act of self harm and then run into the street screaming - a negative deliberate behaviour to make a person react in a certain way. Help seeking or manipulation? I am strongly leaning towards @NikNik's suggestion that we are using different terms to describe the same thing.
Standing at the counter complaining about the slow service is less socially acceptable than standing there quietly, but both are equally actions engaged in to elicit service. One is an appropriate help-seeking behaviour and one is a maladaptive help-seeking behaviour...but they are both help-seeking behaviours. Pretending to limp so you can jump the cue is lying. In this instance the person is pretending to be in pain when they really aren't. But haven't we established that people with BPD engage in the acts that others call "manipulative" due to genuine pain/distress/fear of abandonment? Thus I think this example is disanalogous.
Yep, I am really leaning towards @NikNik's idea.
Just kidding!
