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utopiaSenior Contributor27 Aug 2017, 3:34 pm AEST

HOME

Well I'm finally home (again).
4 hospital stays in 91 days. Wow. No wonder it feels so strange to be in my own house again. Adjusting will take time. Cooking for myself will take time.
My house is in the same condition in which I left it. A pigsty. So no one room has warmth and charm to lift my mood. Will have to slowly start cleaning up - one room at a time.
I did go and watch my son play soccer in the finals. I'd been so sick this year - thst it was the first game I had been to all year. His team lost. But they play again next week. So still stand a chance of playing the grand final.
My son is still living with my mum. Has been since the end of April. Hopefully he will see how much I've improved on my new anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Then he may choose to come home soon.
Was up and doing the washing early this morning. But now reading a book in bed.
Am very bored. But have AA Meeting tomorrow night.
And I have my WorkCover IME (independent Medical Examination) - psych interview with a tough psychiatric on the 30th of this month. Think it could be on Wednesday. And then I have my much waited for Psychologist appointment. Can't see him when I'm in hospital (too far away).
So that's it for now. A new thread for a new beginning.
@Zoe7 @soul @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Bast @oceangirl @outlander @Former-Member @Teej @BlueBay @Owlunar

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In response to: HOME

soulSenior Contributor29 Apr 2018, 8:12 pm AEST

Re: HOME

Been watching some videos by Swiss Philosopher Alain de Botton - very interesting and thought provoking stuff.

That's for sharing that advice @utopia.

In response to: Re: HOME

AppleblossomSenior Contributor29 Apr 2018, 9:45 pm AEST

Re: HOME

@soul My son thought he was quite good when we saw Alain De B was on tour a couple of years ago. A win!

@utopia That sounds very disorienting for your son. Someone decided that house rules was sufficient, but with raising a human child over 20 years there needs to be more.

Values are a great start. I am not sure about dating yet either. I seem to have needed to air all my personal stuff first in order to free myself from loaded conversations with scary revelations.

I think I could do more paid work, but as we have enough atm, I am nearly retirement age and there was confused waste on the part of my son, I pulled back. I try to be present and available for needs as they present. Nothing that money could buy would have changed things for us. Trips overseas were part of the problem.

He made a nice roast tonight and volunteered to cook tomorrow before we have a house meeting and he goes to his dads.

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor29 Apr 2018, 10:57 pm AEST

Re: HOME

@Appleblossom - a roast sounds lovely. Beef, chicken or lamb?
The reality is, parents are human beings. We are not perfect. We make mistakes. But we try and do what we can for our children. And really, that needs to be good enough for them. If our intention is to help them and not hurt them.
@soul - I've never heard of this Alain de Botton. But I'll look him up tomorrow on the Internet.

In response to: Re: HOME

AppleblossomSenior Contributor30 Apr 2018, 12:06 pm AEST

Re: HOME

Just drumsticks, but its the doint it, that counts.

I think he has a really good approach in discussing emotions, relationships and values that speaks to younger generations. His dad was in hi hi finance, so he took a different slant in life. I have been to some poetry talks they have at a cafe near Southern Cross in Melb.

Cheers @utopia @soul @Owlunar @Shaz51

In response to: Re: HOME

OwlunarSenior Contributor01 May 2018, 10:57 am AEST

Re: HOME

@Appleblossom@utopia@soul@eth@Shaz51

Relationships can be so complex and add some children and whoops - how does one untangle all of this confusion that has been created

I have been married once and that is enough for me - I was in a complicated on-again-off-again relationship with a man - not romantically but it did have its great moments and he was too interested in getting through each day to have his green smoke at night to ever be serious about - I was always glad I had my own place to go home to and my own space to have things how I liked them - enough of that -

My daughter was 18 by the time we got divorced - this made things easier legally but I have often wondered about how she felt about all of it - I remember trying to discuss it with her - after all she was legally an adult but she didn't want to and as far as I can tell still doesn't want to and that's okay - after all what can change after all these years

I like my life alone - I like pleasing myself - but the past - aw yes - the past - and honestly as much as I try and work out what was going on with my ex-h I never will - I think our marriage was sad rather than bad but all those years -

I am glad that things seem better for him with his second wife - I wonder why it took getting divorced to make him see a relationship needs to be nurtured -

When it comes to race I am not at all bothered that my son was of Aborignal descent but my family - it enraged them that I was involved with the Aborignal Deaths in Custody and they have no idea how deeply I was involved - my recent therapist told me they were racist and yes they were.

That was hard to take - and even so I know the truth that he was and it was his thoughts and feelings that counted - not theirs - I promised him I would find his birth mother and I did - but he had been gone for 8.5 years when I found her - that was when she learned that he had died

It must have been hard for her but I never saw any reason to have any kind of relationship with her - I sent a lot of photographs and a long letter and learned the truth about his birth father

It might time years or even decades but we all do the best with the information we have - I believe that anyway

Dec

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 11:47 am AEST

Re: HOME

You are an amazing mother @Owlunar. You promised your boy you would find his birth mother. And even after his death, you kept searching, until that promise was fulfilled. That is what a great mother does. She keeps her promises. And you did.
And I believe, wherever his soul is now, that he knows that you honored that promise. And he would be proud of you.
♡♥♡♥♡

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 12:15 pm AEST

Re: HOME

Yesterday mum and i drove down to Carlton Melbourne to the Nova Cinema to see the Documentary Gurrumul.
I bought his new CD the week it was released. Is an amazing album. Orchestral music with traditional cultural songs sung in language.
The documentary was great.
There was video of the people of Elcho Island performing their traditional dances and songs. From the youngest of children up to the elders of the community.
It was wonderful to see how traditional aboriginal culrure is inclusive of all.
On the way home, I said to my mum.
"Just imagine if Victoria was a less hospitable place to settle back in the 1800's. How amazing would it be to have local aboriginal tribes still being able to talk in language. To perform their dances, their songs, their culture.Makes me sad. But iI'm glad that there are still places in our large country where Culture does continue and flourishes.
On a slightly different topic of Aboriginal Culture, I watched a previous segment of Q & A on YTube.
Was an elderly white man, well to do, a professional. He was saying that the 'Aboriginal Problem' - could be fixed. tNot by throwing all the millions of dollars that we have, at them, but by making them Assimilate into white culture & one way to do this is to get them to marry and breed into the White community". Well I was outraged! And surprised that the audience didn't boo him.
Next came a lovely Aboriginal Woman, an elder of her tribe.
She introduced herself, by her name, by her aboriginal tribe name and by her aboriginal nation name she said, " I am not an Aboriginal Problem'. ( I clapped and cheered loudly). She said she has culture. She is a cultural woman. So why does she need to 'assimilate into whiteculture' - when she hhas her own culture.
She went on to say, that her culture is more than 60,000 years old. That this is her land and always has been. They never gave away their land. There was never a treaty offered to them. This is her land. She lives culture and she is not an Aboriginal Problem.
Again I cheered loudly. She spoke so eloquently. Without anger. Simply stating her facts.
I was surprised then that the audience only gave a lukewarm clap at the end of her speech.
Maybe it is true. Maybe I am a rarity among the non indigenous community. Maybe most people really AREN'T interested in this amazing culture we have right here amongst us. This has really shocked me. As I thought that more and more people will be starting to see the importance of supporting the culture of the Australian First People.
So even though I'm shocked, I'm still determined to write my book on the Culture and historical sites that still exist in Victoria. I am already taking notes and sorting through my resources and finding other resources.
I hope that in a few years when this book is published, that there will be more interest in this topic. And that hopefully my book will increase this interest among the general population.
Please tell me I'm not dreaming.
Please tell me there are others out there who feel as I do.
Please tell me that I am not alone.

Feel really sad and discouraged right now.

In response to: Re: HOME

TeejSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 1:27 pm AEST

Re: HOME

Have to dash but I would have clapped her speech and booed his @utopia. I think it’s a fantastic dream and goal for you to have. You are not alone.

Edit ps I heard a couple of tracks of the new album too and loved it. I have his first album.

I just want to tag @eth too to the above post and conversation.

In response to: HOME

utopiaSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 2:06 pm AEST

Re: HOME

♡♡♡ @Teej

In response to: Re: HOME

OwlunarSenior Contributor02 May 2018, 2:19 pm AEST

Re: HOME

Hi @utopia

You are not alone - I feel as you do - I really care about out Indigneous peoples and why should they assimilate into the white culture? Would we want to assimilate into theirs?

Our people took their land, their culture and their children - their religion - forced them from the rich coastal land into the deserts and they did not ask for this - really - I feel so angry about the Lost Generations - what is so great about being white that they would want to be like us?

You are right - people are just not interested - I wonder if I would have been if my son had not been aboriginal - he was fair as a baby but his skin, hair and eyes became darker and his features changed. My mother's family has origins from the Black Irish so my family decided the swarthy good looks came from there - but to me as he grew older he looked aboriginal -

And my family didn't want to know

So you are not crazy or alone - I feel the same way - I feel they first peoples had wonderful religious ideas and I also believe no one should try to change someone else's religion -

I know you are sad and discouraged - I wonder sometimes if people become apathetic because so many people don't care - just go with the flow sorta thing - don't be different. Don't stand out

I have been different all my life - if I feel uncomfortable when I speak out I know I would feel worse if I didn't - my father stood out and thundered is name into the phone sometimes when he was displeased - but racist - yes - he was - and my mother did not want to stand out in anyway - I think she was afraid to be seen as different - in reality though

We are all unique - what a pity people don't rejoice in being unique

I get it Utupia

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