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Good news. The NBN technician installed everything for me today and turned on the NBN so I don't have to wait til next Thursday for the Telstra man to do it.

So back up on the Internet without gigabyte restrictions.

Only problem - I can't get my computer to turn on. Lol. And my son - teenage tech head - is staying at his girlfriends tonight. So I'll have to wait til tomorrow. But I can use the Internet on my phone for tonight.

That is great about the NBN @utopia - call that a big win

Hopefully your son will get your computer sorted when he is home tomorrow and then you will be unstoppable lol

Unstoppable. I like that plan @Zoe7.

So tomorrow I'm going back to the private psych hospital. I had a failed suicide attempt and ended up in the ED. They let me out of hospital only if I went to stay with my mum of bf. So I'm at my best friends.

Mum and bf don't want me to go to hospital - as so far they have never got me better! Mt bf thinks I should stay at her house til I feel better. But even though she has my car keys - I can still make my way to where I want to die.

They just don't get it. This is not a single episode of sadness or depression like they have had.

This has been 4 years of torture. Almost daily suicidal thoughts. Fauling as a mum. Failing cleaning and maintaining a house. Failure to look after garden. Failure to love my dogs or gst any joy from them. Failure to be able to work. Owe thousands of dollars in unpaid bills. Nothing I do is right.

So, one last time in hospital. If it doesn't work. Then I choose to die. This is not living. This is not a life.

@utopiathat like is hearing you.

I hope the hospital visit helps but I can understand how hard it is for you at the moment. Sometimes our closest family/friends cannot understand the struggles we go though daily with our big feelings of failing and intense thoughts.

Will be thinking of you

Oh @utopia I’m so sorry you are so low snd going back to hospital. I feel for you so mych. I’m so sad to hear this.

I hope the hospital stay will help you.

I’m hear for you

sending you a big hug ❤️❤️

Hearing you and thinking of you too @utopia ....

💜💜💜

So sorry to hear how bad things have been for you this week @utopia. It's good to hear you are going to give hospital another try. Every stay can be different and I hope this one will provide you with the support you need to get back on your feet again. Sounds like you have been extremely persistent in challenging your mental health over the years. Keep fighting!

Thanks @Jupiter. I keep trying. I go to appointments, take my meds. Try really hard to do things around the house - but fail almost every time.

My psychiatrist came and saw me and will add a mood stabalizer to my high dose anti depressant. Am a bit concerned. So will have to look it up.

I'm just tired of being like this. I don't think I even remember what I used to be like before all of this started.