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First Post Just Saying Hi

BythebootstrapsContributor17 Aug 2015, 3:46 pm AEST

First Post Just Saying Hi

I was sitting in my bed (feeling sorry for myself and howling), after several days of not knowing what was going to happen between my 29 year old son and I.

My youngest has been challenged by Schizophrenia, Hep C and problems with his health due to obesity for about 8 years now.
It's a slippery slope. I don't live with my son, thankfully he's in a subsidised govvie flat (scary address though). He's been in and out of psychiatric hospitals, rehab, half-way houses, youth support accommodation, my place, his grandparents' place and even an afternoon in gaol.

I have had to send him home on a bus (with some help from my father), take an AVO out on him, call the police, mental health unit and ambulances.

Quite a different life to the one I imagined with a daughter-in-law, grandchildren, happy family holidays and loving phonecalls. Now I'd settle for an occasional "easy" phonecall and for him to have some quality of life.

I still don't really know how to navigate loving my son, but not liking his behaviour at times...one little bit. He blames me for his life and hates me some days and says I'm the best mother other days.

I feel like a failure as a parent. I am at present caring for my invalid mother while my father has radiotherapy for cancer and I feel like a washed-out dishrag.

Anyway...enough bitching! I must say, last night when I found this forum I was overwhelmed by your compassion for one another and your strength. I'm hoping that one day, I can be a help to another person struggling with a family member with difficult mental health issues, too.

Last night, I thought my son hated me, today, we're fine again! Weird!!

I'm glad that I found this forum. Hang tight and be kind to yourselves. 🙂

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In response to: First Post Just Saying Hi

kenny66Senior Contributor18 Aug 2015, 11:00 pm AEST

Re: First Post Just Saying Hi

@Bythebootstraps I had a childhood of physical and sexual abuse with my parents so I think the possibility of a loving relationship probably never got of the ground.

So I always think that it is a wonderful thing for people to have caring parents.

To the outside world everything to do with schizophrenia seems like a battle. It can often be more distressing to the observer/family member than it is to the effected person.

I can freak people out when I am hallucinating and they can get very distressed about it, but to me what is happening is totally normal. Under some scenarios I don't get stressed by it at all.

There are of course bad episodes which can be frightening up to the point of terror and it is that dark world which can be a facet of schizophrenia that can drive one to extreme behaviour.

Most days I have to assess what is real and what is not real from my experiences on that day. The continual hovering in the grey area between reality and unreality makes it difficult to focus on what is actual.

So irrational and aggressive behaviour may not be a feature of like or dislike but more the difficulty of gaining an equilibrium in a constantly changing state brought on by the illness.

Schizophrenia can make it difficult to appropriately express emotion,and indeed control it, but deep down I guarantee your son loves you just like you do him.

In response to: Re: First Post Just Saying Hi

BythebootstrapsContributor19 Aug 2015, 8:15 am AEST

Re: First Post Just Saying Hi

Thanks Kenny

I can't begin to think how you recover from a childhood where people who were supposed to love and care for you, treated you like that! You must be so strong.
Your insights into Schizophrenia are very helpful. It;s great that you are able to express what you are experiencing.

Thanks so much. 🙂

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