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Post natal depression or anxiety?

BluestarCasual Contributor14 Aug 2015, 8:15 am AEST

Post natal depression or anxiety?

hi this is my first post here. I am mum to an 11 week old baby boy. My first baby.

I feel so overwhelmed with everything and cry every day at some stage or another.

I am home by myself all day which starts around 6:30 am and my husband gets home around 5. I find myself just counting down the hours until he gets home.

My little boy cries a lot. He is not a great feeder or sleeper during the day. He has his good days and his bad days. I always feel like I'm on edge that I don't know what is coming next in my day. And panic that I can't settle him.

I feel so alone. I try get out for a walk but he starts crying and then I have to go home again. I've gone to my mothers group but he cried there as well and everyone was just looking at me saying maybe he is hungry even though I only fed him before I went into the room.

I don't know what to do, dread him waking up and feel like I don't really enjoy being around him anymore

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In response to: Post natal depression or anxiety?

ArcCasual Contributor21 Oct 2016, 1:23 pm AEDT

Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

Ive never written on a forum before, but have spent a lot of time reading them. This time I really feel like I need to share my experience and get some support. I have an 8 month old little boy who brings me so much joy, but also fear and anxiety. During the newborn stage I was just consumed by fear that I didn't know what to do and also grief that the life that I knew was over. While I felt love for him immediately I couldn't stop feeling like I wanted my old life back. I became very anxious and obsessive over his care and felt like I was going mad, at times punching and scratching my face and head just to stop the cycle of anxious thoughts. I was in tears most days and any outing made me feel like I was holding my breath the whole time. I would put his monitor on when I placed him in his bassinet, but would keep the monitor away from me and any flicker on it would make my heart jump into my throat. I felt like I had completely lost myself and wanted to just run away.

While the fear that I had has reduced significantly I still feel very anxious of each new stage as I know he will become unsettled. My family live on the other side of the world and my husband works long hours so I have no hands-on help at all. I read so much information on the internet about how to deal with these new stages, but there is so much advice out there and a lot of it contradicts the other, so I find it very overwhelming. My sleep is pretty bad as I wake at 4:30 almost every morning and cant get back to sleep as I'm so on edge that he is going to wake up. I also have to keep dealing with irrational thoughts that I have, which are that just by thinking about him while he is sleeping wakes him up, so I lie there battling with myself to stop thinking about him....it's very exhausting!

I keep wishing my life away, thinking that when he is 3 or 4 things will be better, but this means I'm not enjoying my time with his now. My husband and I always wanted 2 children, but each tough moment has me thinking that I just couldn't go through it again and it makes me sad that our experience could stop us from having the family that we had always wanted.

I'm not sure what help I'm asking for here, I guess I just feel lost sometimes and want to know that I will find myself again and stop being consumed by anxiety, so that I can enjoy my son.

In response to: Post natal depression or anxiety?

utopiaSenior Contributor21 Oct 2016, 3:07 pm AEDT

Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

Such great news @Bluestar. Your right - everything will pass.

In response to: Post natal depression or anxiety?

utopiaSenior Contributor21 Oct 2016, 3:23 pm AEDT

Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

Hi @Arc. It is beyond exhausting and nerve racking to be a parent of a young child.
I remember feeling overwhelmed on many different occasions. I don't think it's unusual for mums and the baby to both cry. Lack of sleep and not feeling confident can zap yoyr self esteme.
Do you visit with the maternal health nurse in your area regularly. They are wonderful to talk to and to explain honestly how you are feeling. They are often the first people to notice signs of Post Natal Depression. So if you are comfortable - have a chat with this nurse.
Alternatively, you may be more comfortable speaking with your gp about your anxiety and exhaustion.
Play Groups, Parent Groups etc are wonderful places for mums to bond with other mums. It's often where strong friendships are made - as you are all traveling the same road. Your local Shire Council could tell you about your nearest Group.
Make sure thatyou are also able to have time away from the baby. Go to the gym or for a walk. Visit an old friend. Go to the movies. Maybe have your husband take the baby out fir an hour or two - & you can just soak in the bath - read a magazine undisturbed or catch up on your sleep.
Try to acknowledge that your baby is happy and healthy - so you must be doing a pretty goid job at this mum thing. Remind yourself of those things you are comfortable and confident doing. Babies change so quickly - that it can be hard to keep up with the next level of development.
So chat to your maternal & child health nurse or gp. And join a mothers group - so that you are not alone.
Other members on here will have some experience with PND & they can hopefully offer you further advice.
Remember - your baby is happy / healthy - so you are doing a great job.

In response to: Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

ArcCasual Contributor26 Oct 2016, 9:27 am AEDT

Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

Thank you @utopia for your reply. I did get home visits from my maternal health nurse once a week for a couple of months while my son was having symproms of a dairy and soy allergy, so he was monitored by them more frequently to check weight gain etc. They did give me info about counselling services, which I did get in touch with and am now still having a 30minute telephone session every 3 weeks, which helps a little. I really make the effort to catch up with my mothers group each week, but I only get a short time with them as it clashes a bit with my son's nap time, so I've not opened up to anyone there. I guess I do find it hard to ask for and accept help. I think I'll speak again to my maternal health nurse and see whether they can give me any further guidance.

Thanks again fort your words of encouragement, it means a lot to me. 🙂

In response to: Post natal depression or anxiety?

utopiaSenior Contributor26 Oct 2016, 9:56 am AEDT

Re: Post natal depression or anxiety?

@Arc. I'm so pleased you will speak to your maternal health nurse. Just be honest. She won't judge you. And it won't be anything she hasn't heard before. Being a new parent is hard. But it also has its happy funny moments.
Is there a person at your mothers group who you think you may have a connection with. Maybe you could ask her for a coffee at a time that is good for your kids.

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