Unknown userMember
Bored?
Good morning All
I had a bad anniversary yesterday and talked to the helpline here. Well I messaged, I don't like talking much.
In our discussion it came up whether I'm bored. It's pretty outrageous to think I may be bored when I've got all my trauma and job loss and trying to get my life to get back together.
But as i lay in bed this morning and woke at 5am, i remembered how I used to jump out of bed to go training. I rolled over. Then the 6am alarm went off and I checked my phone, saw nothing exciting had happened - well I've pretty much cut 95% of people out of my life and I don't read the news - so there is a very slight chance anything exciting may happen. I didn't know why I should be getting up, so I grabbed my teddy and just lay there. Now my 7:30 meds alarm has gone off. I'm still in bed. I know for many that would be not even an issue, but I am a natural early riser (5am) so 7:30 was unheard of even after a night of partying. I never slept with sunshine, now I can sleep whenever I want. And I sleep a lot, but in general try to keep a good sleep hygiene.
So to come back to the question I was asked. Am I bored? Yes. I think I am. I have no goals. My last goal was to end it all and I changed that one - thankfully. I've gone from being extremely active from 5am to 9:30pm with a very busy full time job, to having a list of 5 chores around the house. And a lot of time to ruminate. And a lot of time to find excuses or feel like I cannot do this or cannot do that.
I feel like floating on my back in a river and I see the world go past. I'm not connected. I'm waiting.
How did you find meaning in life again?
How did you find the discipline to do what you decide to do?
How did you break the biscuits cycle?
I had a bad anniversary yesterday and talked to the helpline here. Well I messaged, I don't like talking much.
In our discussion it came up whether I'm bored. It's pretty outrageous to think I may be bored when I've got all my trauma and job loss and trying to get my life to get back together.
But as i lay in bed this morning and woke at 5am, i remembered how I used to jump out of bed to go training. I rolled over. Then the 6am alarm went off and I checked my phone, saw nothing exciting had happened - well I've pretty much cut 95% of people out of my life and I don't read the news - so there is a very slight chance anything exciting may happen. I didn't know why I should be getting up, so I grabbed my teddy and just lay there. Now my 7:30 meds alarm has gone off. I'm still in bed. I know for many that would be not even an issue, but I am a natural early riser (5am) so 7:30 was unheard of even after a night of partying. I never slept with sunshine, now I can sleep whenever I want. And I sleep a lot, but in general try to keep a good sleep hygiene.
So to come back to the question I was asked. Am I bored? Yes. I think I am. I have no goals. My last goal was to end it all and I changed that one - thankfully. I've gone from being extremely active from 5am to 9:30pm with a very busy full time job, to having a list of 5 chores around the house. And a lot of time to ruminate. And a lot of time to find excuses or feel like I cannot do this or cannot do that.
I feel like floating on my back in a river and I see the world go past. I'm not connected. I'm waiting.
How did you find meaning in life again?
How did you find the discipline to do what you decide to do?
How did you break the biscuits cycle?
