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Something’s not right

i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

i found myself broken

Hi all - I feel as though I need to explain myself...

@outlander@CheerBear@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Phoenix_Rising@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member@TAB@MDT@Former-Member@Former-Member@oceangirl@Mazarita@Maggie@soul@eth

As you may or may not have noticed.. a few days ago my old account @dazedanais left The Forums.. I found myself so broken and unwanting of life and just felt like a complete burden. I had a massive breakdown and harmed myself a lot. I know I made a mistake in leaving these Forums, I have made so many nice, lovely friends and now I just feel as though I have messed it all up. It is all on me. I am sorry. I felt embarrassed of making an account again so early but I realised it was something I need.. because as pathetic as it sounds. You guys are the only people I have to talk to.


I have been breaking so incredibly hard. I have questioned my own safety and have also been too afraid to seek help for my current state. I feel so GUILTY for it. I am so sorry. I have felt like an annoyance too because of how unwell I have been and then everyone concentrates on my wellbeing and I think - you need to contentrate on YOURSELF not @dazedanais who is a complete stranger.. because I do not deserve anyone's time. I do not deserve it I am at such a low. Today alone I found myself needing and actually requiring an ambulance to be called after certain tendencies... I won't mention. Again this is all MY FAULT. I don't know why I am like this. I hate to be such a disappointment to you all and my actual family.

I am so so afraid. So afraid. I no longer feel safe with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I am afraid of the aggressive, condescending and punshments that would come out if I would need to go to hospital again.. so I am avoiding it. At the same time - I don't know if I can remain safe anymore.

I havent stopped crying all day, I feel so numb. I am back but again I am so so so SORRY. it is all my fault

222 replies

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In response to: i found myself broken

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Hello @ohanais, sending you lots of hugs

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

What have you been up to today @Shaz51 ??

Sending love & hugs also ❣

In response to: i found myself broken

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@ohanais

I can write a better response now.

We can work on the studies together. We can motivate and support each other every single video and pop quiz if you like. Im the same way atm will it make me or break me sort of feeling- is that the same for you?
Im hoping itll get me out of this rut and while its not a permanent solution it just might work as a distraction for us both.
Yes the hospital situation is quite a tricky one, it seems you need to have more family and friend support for the long run and not just hospital for the short term. Easier said than done and I understand that. I understand everything your saying.

And yes we are all in this together, I think the only good thing to come out of this mental health crap is that we are all here united and together that makes us not so alone even when we feel we are.
When you feel alone just remember all of us here are walking with you in spirit.

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@outlander

Currently that family support just isn't there and despite being almost at death multiple times whether through my eating disorder or through attempts on taking my life.. just they get more passive aggressive and the totally opposite of how you just hope they would react. Unhelpful indeed.

I think we both need that extra push and motivation. I don't know if I feel up to it tonight - but you can definitely go ahead and watch the first videos (and drop me all the answers.. lol just kidding) but do what's best for you. You don't have to wait for me 💜 I will only hold you back.

In response to: i found myself broken

TABSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Yes. @ohanais yes, day was good enough in the end, bit busy at times, a few changes re work next week etc. I hope you had an okay day😀

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

That is good to hear @TAB
Today has been broken over here - totally down 💕
Sometimes being busy is better than not x

In response to: i found myself broken

TABSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Thanks @ohanais. It is for me atm re busy and better. Sometimes I get lost and go into my shell and blame the World but am sorta going with it/for it at the moment while I can 😀
Sorry re broken. Maybe its a process and something will 'click' even without you realising it. Just letting go in a neutral way can be helpful sometimes

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

MDTSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@ohanaisi hope you are feeling a little bit better this evening compared to how you have in the past

i can see that this forum is great and again thanks for your kind words this morning 🙂 they helped!

Just remember that your mental health is only a part of you. You are so much more.

Sorry to hear about your family scenario. That is tough, but I'm sure you are finding these forums helpful enough for you - even just a bit of advice is helpful !

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

hugs @ohanais

i watched two topic videos. i think youll find it quite interesting

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@outlander
I hope so. Are you going well with it all??

@MDT @TAB

Thank you to you both. I do wish you are well. @MDT as you said - your diagnosis's do not define you as a person.. It is just sadly an illness you have to try to cope with. ❣
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

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