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Something’s not right

i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

i found myself broken

Hi all - I feel as though I need to explain myself...

@outlander@CheerBear@Zoe7@Faith-and-Hope@Phoenix_Rising@Shaz51 @Owlunar @Former-Member@TAB@MDT@Former-Member@Former-Member@oceangirl@Mazarita@Maggie@soul@eth

As you may or may not have noticed.. a few days ago my old account @dazedanais left The Forums.. I found myself so broken and unwanting of life and just felt like a complete burden. I had a massive breakdown and harmed myself a lot. I know I made a mistake in leaving these Forums, I have made so many nice, lovely friends and now I just feel as though I have messed it all up. It is all on me. I am sorry. I felt embarrassed of making an account again so early but I realised it was something I need.. because as pathetic as it sounds. You guys are the only people I have to talk to.


I have been breaking so incredibly hard. I have questioned my own safety and have also been too afraid to seek help for my current state. I feel so GUILTY for it. I am so sorry. I have felt like an annoyance too because of how unwell I have been and then everyone concentrates on my wellbeing and I think - you need to contentrate on YOURSELF not @dazedanais who is a complete stranger.. because I do not deserve anyone's time. I do not deserve it I am at such a low. Today alone I found myself needing and actually requiring an ambulance to be called after certain tendencies... I won't mention. Again this is all MY FAULT. I don't know why I am like this. I hate to be such a disappointment to you all and my actual family.

I am so so afraid. So afraid. I no longer feel safe with myself and I don't know what to do about it. I am afraid of the aggressive, condescending and punshments that would come out if I would need to go to hospital again.. so I am avoiding it. At the same time - I don't know if I can remain safe anymore.

I havent stopped crying all day, I feel so numb. I am back but again I am so so so SORRY. it is all my fault

222 replies

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In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

I would love to hear more about you too @CheerBear - do you have your own thread?

Most definitely - and anyways.. flat rollercoasters are always boring.

They most certainly are. What's your favourite flower again?

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

So lovely to hear for YOU @Phoenix_Rising - I always love your attitude and humour. Yes it's been so difficult but sometimes I think we need to be tested to gain knowledge, understanding and empathy. It's treasured.

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

CheerBearSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

I spend a lot of time in a nest here @ohanais. I am thinking of what might have happened since we last caught up and probably the biggest thing in my life was getting housing sorted, because it was making things feel really shaky. Now I might be able to take some steps forward in terms of study etc. Other than that, the three little people and managing life's ups and downs is what's been going on ☺

I love all flowers 😊 A garden has grown since we last caught up I think. Just here if you're ever interested.

In response to: i found myself broken

TABSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Que @ohanais ?

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Getting housing sorted does sound complicated and shaky indeed ! @CheerBear - what were you thinking of studying? Do you have three little humans? There is so much I don't know about you! I guess that goes for everyone if we think about it. I need to re-visit the Nest, I believe I have been there before 😊

I'd love to see how it has all blossomed 💛

In response to: i found myself broken

ohanaisSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

@TAB I am so sorry ! I am not too great at conversations either in all honesty - I am definitely going to be jumping around the forums still to see how everyone is doing.

I am not great a being funny 😂😁

In response to: i found myself broken

CheerBearSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

I had almost finished my degree @ohanais and am too close to completing it to let it go so it's now working out how/where/when etc. It was a pathway to Social Work ☺ Yep, three busy little humans (fish here).

There are so many people here, it would be impossible to remember or keep up with everyone! I think little baby steps and try not to put any pressure on yourself to catch up anywhere is a good way to go. Wander around wherever feels good for you and know it is definitely ok to come and go as you need ☺

In response to: i found myself broken

Shaz51Senior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Hello @ohanais

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

MazaritaSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Welcome back, @ohanais! 🙂

In response to: Re: i found myself broken

QueenieSenior Contributor

Re: i found myself broken

Great to see you around, @ohanais! 🙂

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