evenstarCasual Contributor
I Am New Here, and This is My First Post
I shared this with some friends this morning, and thought I'd post it here also. Apologies for such a negatively geared first post ...
I am generally very deliberate about what I post on Facebook. If I am upset about something, or if I am not feeling 100% for whatever reason, it generally doesn’t make its way onto Facebook. I do this on purpose. I take great pride in sharing the good stuff, the positive stuff, the stuff that makes people smile. But maybe it’s not having quite the effect I expected it to. Not on others. On me. Maybe it’s contributing to the unrealistic expectations I have of myself to be on an even keel all the time. Because when something *does* knock me for six, I have a lot of difficulty allowing myself to feel whatever emotions are appropriate. Sadness. Anger. Disappointment. I am the first to provide a shoulder for others, and to tell them “you’re only human – of *course* you’re allowed to feel like this.” But I find it incredibly difficult to follow my own advice.
Last night I made an admission to the most important person in my life: I’m not ok about not being ok. I hadn’t really realised it up to then, but that’s how it is. I am so good at beating myself up (even if it is only for a day or two), and I have some very powerful little voices that talk into my ear, making things even more challenging to cope with. They generally make me think that there are people out there that I should be trying harder to please. I find it hard enough to put myself first, let alone try and live up to other people’s perceived expectations of me (even though I know I shouldn’t have to, but that’s another story, and not one for this forum).
This is not a bid for sympathy. I am not an attention seeker. Anyone who knows me knows how hard it is for me to bare my soul – I worry so much about being a burden to other people that it’s easier to just hide it, and try and deal with it in my own head. This is more of an opportunity for me to try and resolve these unrealistic expectations that I have of myself. And to show to you that I have my moments. Quite a lot of them, in fact. I just hide them from you.
I suppose it’s also a chance to make a mention of how important kindness is. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. And you never know when just a few kind words might be enough to soothe someone’s turmoil. To help someone. Possibly more than you may ever know.
Will I be ok? Of course. But at the moment, I’m not. And I’m not ok with that. But that’s something I need to continue to work on. And admitting it here – publicly – I think is the first step.
Thank you for reading this.
I am generally very deliberate about what I post on Facebook. If I am upset about something, or if I am not feeling 100% for whatever reason, it generally doesn’t make its way onto Facebook. I do this on purpose. I take great pride in sharing the good stuff, the positive stuff, the stuff that makes people smile. But maybe it’s not having quite the effect I expected it to. Not on others. On me. Maybe it’s contributing to the unrealistic expectations I have of myself to be on an even keel all the time. Because when something *does* knock me for six, I have a lot of difficulty allowing myself to feel whatever emotions are appropriate. Sadness. Anger. Disappointment. I am the first to provide a shoulder for others, and to tell them “you’re only human – of *course* you’re allowed to feel like this.” But I find it incredibly difficult to follow my own advice.
Last night I made an admission to the most important person in my life: I’m not ok about not being ok. I hadn’t really realised it up to then, but that’s how it is. I am so good at beating myself up (even if it is only for a day or two), and I have some very powerful little voices that talk into my ear, making things even more challenging to cope with. They generally make me think that there are people out there that I should be trying harder to please. I find it hard enough to put myself first, let alone try and live up to other people’s perceived expectations of me (even though I know I shouldn’t have to, but that’s another story, and not one for this forum).
This is not a bid for sympathy. I am not an attention seeker. Anyone who knows me knows how hard it is for me to bare my soul – I worry so much about being a burden to other people that it’s easier to just hide it, and try and deal with it in my own head. This is more of an opportunity for me to try and resolve these unrealistic expectations that I have of myself. And to show to you that I have my moments. Quite a lot of them, in fact. I just hide them from you.
I suppose it’s also a chance to make a mention of how important kindness is. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. And you never know when just a few kind words might be enough to soothe someone’s turmoil. To help someone. Possibly more than you may ever know.
Will I be ok? Of course. But at the moment, I’m not. And I’m not ok with that. But that’s something I need to continue to work on. And admitting it here – publicly – I think is the first step.
Thank you for reading this.
