Back at work

Hi @Hurtandalone

I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you are having at work. That sounds like an immensely stressful environment to be working in, it’s no wonder you are feeling sick when you are there. It can be so disappointing when people are unable to engage in even the most basic of pleasantries… I really think everyone deserves to receive at least a smile and basic hello from their colleagues at work 🙂 It is so true that we can't always control the way other people react to us, but at least we can control how we respond... I personally take a lot of comfort in that.

@Hurtandalone I wonder if we could perhaps brainstorm some ways that might help you to get through this last week of work before you transfer units? For me, if I have had a bad day at work, I try to purposefully do something nice for myself in the evening, kind of like a little reward for getting through it. For example, a warm bubble bath. Do any ideas come to mind for you? I know a number of our members have walked through similar situations in the past, so they might have some interesting insights about how to cope... Eg., I recall reading that @WombatBoots was once they bullied into sickness by a boss... I also know that @Appleblossom has quite an extensive work history, so also might have some insights about how to navigate these situations. You might also like to check out this thread to read about how other people have got through hard times like this.

@Hurtandalone I hope you can find strength and comfort in these Forums this week, and know that we as a community have got your back 🙂

Stay strong,

Mosaic

Hi @Hurtandalone

I'm glad that you only have a week left, but it'll be a horrible long week. I think it'll be extra important for you to be nice to yourself ths week. I think its disgraceful that they have even talked to clients in the house... that is just terrible and putting themselves ahead of the needs of the clients.

Do you have some friends who you can spend some time with during the week to help debrief a bti with? If not don't be afraid of using help lines like crisis line to help you unload if talking it through with someone is more helpful than writing it, or keep writing about things on here. But as well as debriefing i would also say make sure that there is some time for fun, maybe set a timelimit, that you'll talk about it for 20 or 30 minutes then you're going to forget about it for the evening and focus on fun/relaxing/being yourself 🙂 SO easier said than done!! I know! and i'm terrible at it...

Here with you this week,

be kind to yourself,

LJ

Hiya,

@Hurtandalone it is unfair.. 😞 the world isnt fair.. I have recently been to court against my ex who was violent and abusive.. he was found guilty of one charge against me but even though he's been found guilty, he'll still be able work as a teacher and in leadership after a short probationary period and still gets away without paying child support for the kids but is still able to control and delay all aspects of family court proceedings.. and i've lost my appeal for legal aid and will now have to represent myself in all matters to do with family court. but at least you'll be in a better place away from that negativity (even as i am safer and my kids are happier now where we were two years ago)

Glad that posting here helps.. I'm sure your mum is only too happy to support you but keep trying to find that balance between letting it out and then trying to focus on the rest of your life outside of that situation and keep lookin for the positives.. so hard to see sometimes but always there 🙂

LJ

Thats a great attitude to have, re being as positive as you can.. doesnt take away the hurt or the unfairness.. but if we can keep going and living our lives regardless of these petty people it shows us to have so much more strength and character than them either.. you'll be stronger for it.

Sounds great about the leaders course! go for it! It is great to know that there are people who believe you and that they understand whats going on... even if the system is crap!

fingers crossed tomorrow is ok! good luck!

I was bullied at my previous workplace by my manager, so badly that I ended up with the first bout of depression I had ever experienced in my life (big shock for me as it is not remotely my normal mindset) and while I did ultimately end up leaving one thing I found that kept me going was to turn it into a game.

I set up something like a Bingo sheet with all the ways she would bully me on it eg. 'Tell me that I have not done a job, instead of asking if I have done it' or 'Block my Study leave' all that stuff. Every time she did one of those things I would check it off the board, and at some point during the day she would have done enough that I would say 'Bingo!' out loud and give myself a treat. It made me giggle, and it was a way to turn her nastiness into something absurd and laughable.

I also made myself a little scorecard with my own responses - so if she did something to provoke me, buit I responded with an air of amused poilteness, I would get points, and she would lose them. If I let her get to me, or provoke me into a bad mood or a bad day SHE would get points. For some reason I liked to score this like a tennis match, with Game, Set and Match points. Usually a set per day with an over winner by the end of the week.

By turning it into a game I was able to significantly bypass the fight/flight (mostly fight!) response that I had been having to these 'attacks'. It also made me disociate a little from the exchange and see it from the perspective of an interaction between two people, one of whom was trying hard to be well mannered, and the other who was trying hard to be unpleasant. Seen from the outside the bully loses a lot of their menace and seems pretty pathetic (if not actually sympathetic!) in their snarkiness.

Sorry for the delay in my reply. Thank you so much for all of your responses it really does touch my heart that there are so many beautiful caring people out there.

I thought I was handling things well till I got into Monday afternoon to get a phone all from my manager saying I can no longer work alone with one of the clients due to some complaints that have come through (obviously bullies have made up false stories about me to a clients family) I was shocked as I know I have done nothing wrong. The manger said the complaints are totally ridiculous and she is doing this for my own protection. She then went on to tell me that there has been a complaint from a staff member that I damaged their personal vehicle!!!!! I just started to cry as I would never do that to anyone and I was in total shock. She then went on to say virtually that I have too many good skills that I can't use at the house I am currently at and urged me to apply for a team leaders position.

this made me feel a little better that I was actually believed by magement and she said the people involved are going to be brought into the office for questioning.

i also got an early induction at my new unit yesterday. Staff seem nice but I am not used to not knowing what to do I feel a bit useless and it keeps coming up in my mind about what these people have done I would never even think of doing the things they say I have. I just wonder what I did to make people hate me so much.

thank you again everyone for your advice each and everyone of you has helped so much