Intro - I'm new and hoping you understand me

Hi @Phoebe

Welcome to the forums. I hope you find the support you are looking for at Sane - there is a lot of friendly wise members here so I believe you will. Others will jump on board in time.

I am glad you have reached out for support - with all the stress you are under you also need to care for yourself lest you become depressed yourself.

What has helped me to cope under such; (I have not only suffered depression but am now a carer for my physically ill husband and my daughter suffers bi-polar and BPD); is to allow myself some respite by pursuing my own personal goals. This was very limited at first and then gradually built these activities up to my own limitations. I made time for myself to do activities I enjoyed, stayed in touch with friends and to get out of the house and give to the community I decided to volunteer one day a week (sometimes two). This has been very rewarding for my own self confidence and anxiety. Finding that balance of caring for others whilst still nurturing a life of my own. To cope its all about balance and keeping a positive vision with not only caring for others but self care as well. Too much one way or the other will lead to burn out and emptiness.

There are also face to face carer support groups in each State that you may find helpful to cope. You can google them and find one near to where you live.

For awhile I was on AD medications which helped but now I just do the above to cope. Also it's important to allow ourselves to grieve as much a we need, but also not spend too much time in isolation alone with our thoughts. When things got really bad it came down to living from moment to moment one day at a time and looking for the good in each day no matter how small. Also living in the day and not thinking and worrying about tomorrow helped me to not become overwhelmed enabling me to cope better. This all helped to move forward and cope under a very heavy load which I am still under to this day. Hope to see you around the forums 😊

Hello again @Phoebe - I am happy to be of some help. I know how tough it can be.

I am glad you sought help and you are on something that is helping you through this difficult time. Grief can be so hard to carry and anything on top seems a mammoth task.

What helps me get up for my volunteer work or other commitments. Largely an act of will - I push myself up, shower, have a banana and then out the door. What helps to make this easier - take any meds about 2-3 hours before bed (I take sleeping meds only now at 9:00 asleep at 11:00). Gettiing plenty of sleep is a big help to getting up on time and to cope. Being very organised gettingnthings done then allowing myself some down time relaxing before bed. Doing what I can around the house when I can without overdoing it.

I understand your partner would be struggling with MI on meds, but she needs to do some things for herself. What would she do if you were not around? And this isn't fair on you as your health is suffering. Perhaps calmly and gently put this to her asking her to do some light duties such as cleaning up after herself and just keeping her room and environment tidy. This is essential to do to improve mental health for anyone. Don't do everything my friend. It won't only help you but her also. That has been my experience.

I hope this helps some. Hugs 🤗

Hi @Phoebe

Great to hear from you again and read that you found a wonderful grief counsellor that is helping guide you through this difficult time. Sitting in front of the TV late in a trance - yes have done this myself when feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, grief and worry. In time as the counselling progresses and you practise more and more of letting your emotions flow and self nurturing you will continue to improve. You will have your days when you will feel stuck, your bad days but these will become less as the good days become more.

Keep going the way you are as you are on the right track to overcoming life's adversities - and grief can take time but does pass. Look forward to that balanced life that will make you feel glad to be alive as it will happen in time. I am working on this myself as I face my own stressors and grief. We will ge there. Please keep posting and know you are not alone 😊

Your welcome @Phoebe Glad you dragged yourself from the TV to pack and get a reasonably early night. Makes coping with the next day so much easier. How exciting - a trip away with your mum!! This will help you to relax more for sure whilst making very special lasting memories. It will also help ease your grief and mental health as a whole. Just what the doctor ordered 😊 It will be a very special time for you and your mum for sure.

Its a good that you will ring your partner everyday to let her know how much you care and to check in. This will also be good for her self confidence to know she can cope on her own for awhile. Good all round for both of you and your mum. Have a wonderful trip away. I Look forward to hearing all about it on your return 😄xx