TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Talking about not talking
@Former-Member and @Zoe7 thanks for your replies in the other thread. Figured I would make a new thread for this stuff so that if there is more to say/not-say, it can be said/not-said here.
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Talking about not talking
142 replies
In response to: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
That sounds cool @Pepsimax. Very creative 🙂
I think I might try to go to sleep soon. I hope you can quiet those thoughts a bit.
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
I know I need some help but I don't know what or how.
In response to: Talking about not talking
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Hi @TheVorticon. It's so hard feeling like you need something but not knowing what or how.
Have you ever spoken with the helpcentre crew? I have and I've found them really helpful. I wonder whether it could be something you could go over with them as they may be able to point you in a direction to start? It's hard to be able to offer suggestions as I'm not sure what support you have/have tried. Happy to listen if you'd like to sharw though.
Have you ever spoken with the helpcentre crew? I have and I've found them really helpful. I wonder whether it could be something you could go over with them as they may be able to point you in a direction to start? It's hard to be able to offer suggestions as I'm not sure what support you have/have tried. Happy to listen if you'd like to sharw though.
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Hi @CheerBear, thanks for your message and for the suggestion.
I tried the online helpline chat thing here for the first time tonight. I lasted all of 1 message before deciding it was a terrible idea and saying goodbye.
I'm not ready to try the phone number. Phone calls are really hard for me and things have to be pretty bad before I try that. Plus I'd definitely need a much better idea of what to expect (e.g. expect the line to be busy, that there'll be an answering machine / recorded message first, what sort of opening thing they'll start with etc.). The slightest bit of 'weird' or unexpected wording can make it impossible for me to say something and can just emphasise how terrible of an idea it is.
I feel like it's not "bad enough" for any sort of help. I have previously felt worse, but even that didn't feel like enough of a reason and felt like a complete idiot trying to get help then. I can't even imagine what sort of idiot I'd feel like now. What's ten steps up from "complete idiot"? A couple of years ago I spoke to my GP about things then had one session with a psychologist (who I had already decided wouldn't be a good fit), and could not shake the thought of how bad of an idea it seemed and how much it was not something I needed to be doing. (Strong but need vs weak and want, being a primary issue... if that makes sense.) About ten years ago I did a few sessions with 2 different psychologists - the first being unhelpful and the second being ok but unreliable/too-busy - and I could barely get words out to talk to either of them. Although I think I'd do better this time around, that's far from being a sure thing.
I can't go into it not knowing what I want, or knowing if the person/service I'm contacting can help with what I want.
And I'm just going to quickly hit post and head to bed before second (third, forth) guessing this whole post.
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Good morning @TheVorticon. I'm glad that you didn't fourth guess hitting send last night. I hope it was ok enough for you to hit post too.
I understand how tricky it can be with things like phone calls and how frustrating online chat options can be sometimes too (not sure if frustrated was how you were feeling re the chat, but it's how I have felt attempting live chat anything before). As for calling the helpline, calling a number I haven't before can set my anxiety off big time, and if I am in a not-so-good headspace already, it's so hard. I too like to know what to expect. I think that comes with the nature of anxiety, is that it is the fear of the unexpected, so it makes sense that knowing what to expect helps.
I've called the helpcentre now a few times (I think three). Once it went to someone who wasn't a helpcentre person and they offered to take my details (not happening), and then suggested a time to call back, which I did and it went straight through. When I called then I spoke with Lunar. I also called one time and got straight through to Pebbles. The last time I called I got an answering machine, so I hung up without leaving a message but tried again about 15 minutes later and spoke with Lunar again. From memory they answer with something along the lines of "Sane Helpcentre this is (their first name)". It was really tricky to start talking because I didn't know who would actuallly be answering (whether it was a helpcentre person, whether it was a different someone, whether it was a moderator). I also wasn't sure if I wanted to say that I was CheerBear too as well. This point really took some umming about. Eventually I did say who I was and felt much better for it. (So much so that the last time I called when I spoke with Lunar, I think I started the call "Is that Lunar? It's CheerBear and I am so sad" haha). It's totally your call there. I asked both Lunar and Pebbles if they were on the forum, and they both said they were and then told me who they were, which is when I decided to say who I was. There was no pressure on me to do this at all, and that felt really good.
I hope that helps to hear what I have found with the helpcentre call. It doesn't change that it might be really hard to hear some weird or nqr for you words. Oh, and something else I do is put my phone on private whenever I call someone/somewhere I am not sure about. It's like a last minute out option for me then, as I know I can hang up if I back out when someone answers.
As for feeling "bad enough", I don't think we need to "feel bad" to ask for help, though I can again understand how this might be something that gets in the way of getting support. I've been getting help for a long time now, and for a lot of that I wasn't feeling that bad really. Then for me, seeing my psychologist, was kind of like taking a multivitamin (which I don't actually take - terrible analogy sorry!). I saw my psych to help keep me from becoming "bad". It can take a lot to find a good fit, as it seems you've experienced too. It's painful to reach out, find the (strength/courage/time/whatever) to speak to someone, and then get that feeling that says "this is a terrible idea". It takes a lot to keep getting up and keep trying. I have no suggestions for how to make that part easier. I can say that when I have found someone helpful, it has been so incredibly worth it.
As far as not knowing what you want, I can also see how things would be so much easier if you did know what you want. I understand that you have a pretty concrete way of thinking and seeing things (from memory), so it makes sense that you would want something clear in your mind. Maybe a good starting place is to have the mindset that what you want help with, is to figure out what you want right now? That to me seems like enough of a reason to speak with someone (that also makes a lot more sense in my head, sorry). A suggestion for another place to start working out what you want would be to go with the lines of "feeling" and "doing". You could have a think about whether it a feeling you want more of or less of, or a behaviour you want to do more or less of. From my experience, it is often one (or both) of these things that might give some idea of where you're at.
I hope it has been ok enough for you to read this. I also hope that if it hasn't been, you feel like you can say that to me if you'd like. Definitely feel free to "meh, no thanks" to any/all of this (which I think you'd do if you wanted anyway). I really appreciate how tricky the things you've said in some of your messages here would have been to say. I think it's really cool that you've said them anyway.
Hope today is ok enough for you TheVorticon 🙂
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Thanks @CheerBear. Well done on making such great plans for today and getting through it btw.
That’s really helpful info. Thanks heaps for sharing all that information about what your experiences have been like when calling. I dunno if I’ll try it, but that’s given me a way better idea of what to expect if I do.
There’s way too much going on in “Forum Land” at the moment to make this a big post or to drop in on other threads, but if anyone else is reading, well done on getting through your tricky day too.
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Hi @TheVorticon,
I am allowing myself 30 minutes in Forum Land as a reward for crossing three things off my to-do list and I decided to spend that time here. I need to work super hard to balance my online and offline time and thus I never get as far around Forum Land as I would like to. 
CheerBear seems to have done a super job of describing what it is like calling the SANE helpline. I have called...um...well...let's just say more than three times. 
I call during the day and I've almost always got either Lunar, Pebbles or Rockpool answering the phone. Occassionally I will get someone who doesn't live in Forum Land - though I am working on getting her to come and live here. 
There have been quite a few times where I've been struggling with super gigantic feelings and I've called while I can't find my words. They are SO good at just staying on the line while I go through my whole making-weird-noises thing. Whereas lifeline hang up on me, the guys at SANE just wait. And because they do that, my words come back after a few minutes.
If they are super busy, then as CheerBear said, you might get the answering machine. If that feels scary, you can just hang up and try again later. I THINK the calls are diverted to an outsourced answering service (answered by real live people) when the helpcentre is closed or maybe during lunch time. I'm not too sure about that. It's only happened to me once or twice and like CheerBear, I politely declined the offer to leave a message.
There is definitely no pressure to identify yourself at all. I feel super safe with the counsellors at SANE so I am very comfortable with them knowing who I am (both my real name and my Forum Land name). I love the continuity of them knowing my story because they live here in Forum Land - sooooooo much better than trying to explain anything to a lifeline counsellor.
Ok, well I don't think I've added anything more than CheerBear already said. I'm just letting you know she wasn't lying.
I hope today is going ok for you @TheVorticon. Are you still skateboarding??? If so, how is it going???
See you around Forum Land. 
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Hi @Phoenix_Rising. Thanks for spending your 30 mins over here 🙂 And for corroborating CheerBear's account of what it's like to call the SANE helpline 😉
A live-people-answering-machine sounds kind of scary to me. I'm glad it hasn't been a very frequent occurrence for either of you.
I haven't actually had much interaction with the mods, except for an email each time I've broken the guidelines or the occasional post on Friday Feast. So I'm not sure if any given mod would know anything about what I've written on here.
I'm still very unsure about the whole idea of calling and am not very sure about how they can help, but I guess that's future-me's problem.
Skateboarding nope, things have just been too busy/stressful and I haven't been back out in weeks. I was having so much trouble with the rough surface on the footpath/road that I bought some softer wheels which arrived almost 2 weeks ago, but I haven't put them on the board yet. I actually wanted to put them on my other board (which I'd been repainting over the last couple of months... It's not complicated, I just have very sporadic motivation). The board is almost finished although I should probably do an extra couple of clear coats. But then I realised that all the other parts for that board are all rusty and yuck. And I don't really want to juxtapose my nice new paint job and nice new wheels with the yuck rusted parts. So that's where I'm at with that.
In response to: Talking about not talking
TheVorticonSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
I'm having heaps of problems with a work thing I'm doing, and I've spent forever on it and still haven't made any progress. I asked one question about it which helped confirm an approach but I'm still very stuck and don't know what I need to become unstuck. So I'm feeling very stupid and unsure how to proceed. I'm going to make some guesses and see if it helps but I'm probably just digging myself a bigger hole.
In response to: Re: Talking about not talking
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: Talking about not talking
Hi @TheVorticon - wondering how you got on with your work thing today? Hoping you got through it ok.
