CROSS

@Former-Member

you certainly did have every right to be angry.

it also sounds as though you were given lessons in how to better ventilate your anger.

did they not think why is it that such a young child is so very angry?.

This is a good example of your mother not facing the truth, her own anger at the way your stepfather was abusing her love and trust.

So common people unable to express their feelings so what to do with them redirect them at someone else.

to be able to explore these raw, tender, buried emotions in a safe, trusted environment is paramount.

Not meant to read as "common people"

should read as common that people

hello @Former-Member

That is a very positive attitude to have about your mother's circumstances and possible way of thinking.

Overpowering, manipulative people are very clever at distorting the truth and basically controlling another's responses, reactions.

The other thing is that today, we have the internet, books, counsellors, psychologists, psychiatrists all trained and geared for opening up about our feelings. This was not the case when our parents were younger. Specialists existed but most doctors did not refer unless someone appeared seriously unwell.

Perhaps you can think of yourself as an advocate for your mum as well as others.

manipulation referring to step father

feelings of irritation, fidgeting, tension, headaches, stiffness and aching in back, shoulders.

am still jet lagged and now wondering which part is jet lag, which part is anxiety...yes that has been hanging around trying to grasp my attention.

depression not apparent.. have noticed that when depression has it's ugly hold anxiety not noticeable if there at all. When anxiety has it's hold depression absent or silent.

so my question to myself is when I am deep in depression am I just not aware of anxiety, as my depression turns me into nothingness, numbness...devoid of feeling?

when I notice anxiety trying very hard to become centre stage, where is the depression?

For me depression is far worse than anxiety. I can still feel with anxiety. I can think. I can make choices.

I have been very industrious the last two days wearing myself out and finding myself exhausted in the late afternoons. Jet lag I am assuming. However I have a clearer perception about me now that I have not felt in such a long, long time.

I am learning yet again, that with progress in a diagnosis of mental health, there is very much, back and forth, to and fro, upstairs, downstairs, inside out stuff.

Might just go back down the rabbit hole,

I was not angry when I was a child but sure have felt a lot of angry feelings in last 30 years.

I try not to hurt others, but some might disagree wih that. It has never been intentional. The "anger dance" is a very difficult path to walk and for a long while I could not manage my anger very well, no matter my determination. I am better at it now.

Hi @Former-Member & @Former-Member

Anxiety is a whole different kettle of fish.

but both do have a lot to do with

ENERGY IN MOTION

Hello @Appleblossom

I resonated with your response.

I was talking about anger the other day with my psychiatrist.

I didnt actually used to believe that I was angry only cross. So I had even learnt to downplay the word that I used to describe the feeling.

Anxiety is an internal burning that is relentless.

Yes, they are definitely both energy in action as opposed to depression the nothingness, the silenced, held down energy.

Which is worse?

How long is a piece of string?

The intensity is relative to the individual experiencing the emotion. Relative to the lifelong experiences, traumas and how they were dealth with.

Hmmm too deep now yet again.

I shall leave it alone for the moment.

Always love having a discussion with you though Appleblossom.

I hope that the fact that I haven't seen you on here for a while means that you are travelling lighter and life such as it is, is treating you more kindly.

take care xxxx

Yes love talking to you. @Former-Member

I agree.... "cross" is a watered down version ... also one related to the whole Christian symbolism .... eventually took it as a way to legitimate some forms of anger at specific events behaviours etc.

The idea of anxiety as continual burning is new to me. I have thought of that more as fire in the belly .. and therefore tending to anger more than anxiety .. but open to learning and finer differentiation of feeling... so maybe I am calling that feeling more anger than anxiety ...

I have a lot of anxiety symptoms etc ... so afraid if I snap or am direct or blunt and not completely diplomatic or emapthetic that I am doing wrong .. then self whip ... but thinking of that feeling as anxiety actually will help me .... THANKS

hello again @Appleblossom

i am just feeling the burning in the chest area and to me it seems like so much nervous energy therefore I am categorising it as anxiety.

anxiety for what I know and dread

anxiety for what might have been

anxiety for what might come

anxiety has an x in its letters... a cross

interesting

your comment about a way to legitimate some forms of anger at specific events behaviours had forgotten about that concept also.

when I was in UK I went to a donkey sanctuary that has millions of pounds donated. it is deemed to be the most profitable charity in all the world! I always thought that would have been one of the churches.

My cousin pointed out to me that the donkey has a meeting of fur at it's neckline shaped in the form of a cross. I took some photographs where it is so distinctly a cross. The donkey of course was significant in the bible.