BPD

@outlander, @Former-Member, @Haether, @Eden1919, @Determined

@Shaz51do you have bpd too? or hubby?

Of course, @outlander. Ask away. I've been living with BPD for at least 19 years (that's when it first became super evident). I'll try my best to answer your questions. 😊

@Sans911a thread for you too sweets

@Former-Memberhow the fk do you manage your emotions? mine go all over the place and they are in the extremes.

the stupid feelings of abandonment (both online- not current way back in the past, and offline)?

umm will start with those 2

How do I cope with my emotions, @outlander? Honestly, not very well, most of the time. I’ve had a lot of practice though I guess. I have lots of coping strategies, unfortunately quite a lot of them are maladaptive (for example, I’ve been SHing regularly for 19 years—I definitely do NOT recommend that one). I guess over the years I’ve learned my limits and gotten better at putting in boundaries. I know the types of things that will trigger me and try to avoid them. It’s also complicated by my 7 and a half other diagnoses—they all feed into each other and it’s hard to separate them and say this is the BPD and this is anxiety and this is depression. But yes, I have very big feelings all the time. Sometimes I can ride them out, sometimes not. You have a lot of the tools in your toolkit already, like music, reading, art, tv. I think the trick is just to have as many (healthy) strategies and ways to distract yourself as you can, because as you know, what works one day might not work the next.

As for feelings of abandonment, I am still in no way managing those. Therapy. I know I need intensive therapy to deal with and heal some of my trauma and then maybe I’ll start conquering those abandonment issues. My current strategy is to not let anyone in, because if I don’t let anyone in, then they can’t leave me. Not healthy, I know, but I’m only a few years out of an abusive marriage so it’s what feels safe for me now.

I’m sorry, @outlander. I’m really not giving you helpful, life-changing answers. Definitely check out the Topic Tuesday if you haven’t yet too, there were lots of different voices there.

I'm just going to write a reply to your post @MDT. Just warning you, I'm super slow—but I am working on it. 🐌

@Former-Memberi already do sh but havent done so for a few months now. boy what a ride that has been!

i find that too, some days i can kinda sit with these big emotions and other times it send me off the rails. im having to go off the only medications that work and its not a good idea but i have to and im already fining my healthy coping strategies to be less and less helpful.

its tricky hey esp when you could be anxious one sec then full depression the next. its frustrating. my psych never asks how im feeling anymore in regards to emotions becasue its constant up and down.

it seems to all be a very veyr slow process doesnt it. gotta work on everything at once but then its too much so what do we work on first is the ultimate question and no one has the answers for not even the mh professionals hey.

and btw, ny response is good, im not after life changing explainations im after life experiences. i learn more from others then being 'told' what to do. so thank you

@MDT there are nine criteria for BPD and a person only needs to have five of them in order to receive that diagnosis.

The first criterion is:
1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

For people with BPD, this criterion may or may not apply. I have a lot of childhood trauma that has resulted in my having attachment issues. I am terrified people will leave me. As I mentioned in my post above, the way I currently deal with this is through avoidance. I don’t let people in and that way they can’t leave. For many years, I let myself by used by a lot of people, just so I could have people close to me. Neither is healthy.

People with BPD who meet this criterion really struggle to feel secure in their relationships with people.

But that is only one of the nine criteria and not everyone with BPD will have issues with abandonment.

I hope that answers your question. Please ask me to clarify if it hasn’t.

@Former-Memberperfect! very well said indeed!