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im lost. I want to give up

joycecamCasual Contributor15 July 2017, 3:23 pm AEST

im lost. I want to give up

i am in the most unideal relationship. I knowingly am. But i am already to attached to leave. and im lost with or without him

Im afraid to tell anyone. They might take my son away from me.
He is the only right thing ive done in this world but it never seems like enough.

i want a quiet life no negativity. Too much from people i cant handle it too much from the person i love especially . He just doesnt listen. After i attempted to end my life he asks me to promise him i wont try to hurt him. Thats all i get. i want an ideal relationship. My mind is st a loss. I dont want this i dont know what to do.
But i know what i want. I just dont know how else to get to that point

9 replies

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In response to: im lost. I want to give up

Unknown userMember15 July 2017, 3:48 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

Hello @joycecam,

I know what it's like to willingly be in a bad situation, though it's been many years ago for me. I'm going to tag @Former-Member for you, as they may have suggestions for you to try and help. You've taken a positive step reaching out here on the Forum

Sending you care and understanding

Niqua

In response to: Re: im lost. I want to give up

ZahliaSenior Contributor15 July 2017, 4:22 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

Hi @joycecam

Firstly, I would just like to give you a big warm welcome to the SANe forums. If you need any help navigating around, please let us know.

It does sound like you are in a difficult situation, damned if you do, damned if you don't. You crave that relationship with no negativity and someone to support you. Do you have other people around you that support you joycecam?

Zahlia

In response to: im lost. I want to give up

joycecamCasual Contributor15 July 2017, 4:43 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

I have my immediate family. But my partner will get mad if i reach out to anyone else. Everything i do is wrong. Everything i think cannot be my own it had to be what he thinks or wants. I just want him to listen and understand. I try to understand him i always do but he never once tried to understand me snd my state of mind. in my failed attempt to end my pain all i got from him was ‘can you promise me not to do those things again?’ (Which meant the things he accussed me of)

No matter how much i explain. His assumptions have tto win. I dont loke negativity i dont like it i really dont i dont because i dont know how to handle it i am not a negativr person. But the downside is i dont know how to handle people like that around me.

In response to: im lost. I want to give up

joycecamCasual Contributor15 July 2017, 4:44 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

I dont know what else. My relationship is going around in circles.
And i knowingly am letting it happen. I dont know how to stop it

In response to: im lost. I want to give up

joycecamCasual Contributor15 July 2017, 4:45 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

It is affecting me mentally.
My parents think i am being stupid for trying to go to a psuchologist and are embarrased of it.

In response to: Re: im lost. I want to give up

ZahliaSenior Contributor15 July 2017, 4:56 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

@joycecam

It sounds like you are quite fed up with how your partner is controlling things. I can't even begin to imagine what that feels like, it sounds awful 😞 I'm not surprised it's starting to affect you mentally. I think seeing a psychologist is a fantastic idea, not only do they help people with mental health issues, but they also help with life problems in general. Do you talk to your psych about your relationship?
I'm so sorry your parents are embarrassed about you seeing a psych 😞 you should be able to see who you want without judgement.

Zahlia

In response to: im lost. I want to give up

utopiaSenior Contributor15 July 2017, 6:12 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

@joycecam. Well done on reaching out to a psychologist. This is all about helping you. Your partner and your family don't get a say in you reaching out for help. There is no shame in reaching out for professional help. In fact, it's the opposite. It shows strength and logic.
Your husband sounds like a bully that tries to control every aspect of your life.
Talk to your psychilogist about what is happening at home. Alternatively talk to a Womens Domestic Abuse centre. They can help.
Is it time for you and your child to live the life you have always dreamed of?

In response to: Re: im lost. I want to give up

joycecamCasual Contributor16 July 2017, 12:16 pm AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

his heart is in the right place. but doesnt know how to handle our relationship.

i try putting all my focus on my son now.

whenever i stop talking to someone or my psych thats when i start feeling like i have no way out besides the ONLY WAY OUT.

so i just need a way to talk about this. which is why i am here. i stll never felt comfortable talking to my psych face to face because i always felt embarrased after my whole family making me feel that way. its as if i never have a face to show to anyone anymore.

i want to talk to my son but he is only 8 years old. he see's me cry everyday. always asking me if im alright stopping what he is doing to hug me and pat my back and i cant even tell him why.

In response to: im lost. I want to give up

utopiaSenior Contributor17 July 2017, 12:06 am AEST

Re: im lost. I want to give up

@joycecam. I explained to my son, when he was younger than 8 - that I took 'happy pills' at night - because my brain didn't work the way other brains did, so the medicine would help me to feel happy. As he's gotten older, I've explained more. He is almost 15 now & he knows about depression and anxiety and ptsd. He knows about alcohol abuse, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. He has a good understanding of mental illness and mental health.
I'm sure your partner's heart is in the right space. That's why you fell for him.
This is a good and safe space to be yourself. No need to wear a mask.

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