FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Apologies for this long, ranting post, but I have to get it out of my head. I don't care if you read it or not.

For weeks now, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness; on the edge of tears constantly that never get released. I'm back on medication for depression which doesn't seem to be working after 3 weeks.

Nothing brings much satisfaction anymore, not even my job, which was one thing I had to hold onto to keep me going. And after yet another impulsive attempt and a trip to hospital last weekend, where I also take shifts, my professional conduct & capacity is being questioned by other staff and departmental managers. I don't blame them; I would probably feel the same way.

My SI is actually an acceptable 'coping mechanism' for my BPD when life gets to much, and I need to shut down. But now it's become a burden and problematic because of how often I've presented to hospital in the last 6months. Often if I feel 'safe' enough, I stay home and sleep it off. So now, after feeling like I've burdened health services to the point of annoyance, I feel like I have go ahead and made a proper effort because I deserve to be punished for that. I can't 'urge surf' these SI/SA thoughts anymore. I feel compelled to put them into proper action. Now that I have made that decision, I am scared, that if I really intend to go through with it, there's no coming back, no tommorows.

Why do I now suddenly care so much about dying, when I never did before with any other major attempts? I don't really know, but it's got me really rattled how stuck my mind is on making it work. I guess maybe I want to stick around for a bit longer. But this feeling of hopelessness is all consuming and strong.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore, as the support services have heard it all before, so nothing they suggest helps. Not even my loved DBT skills help. How do you keep going when nothing helps, loved ones can't reach you, and it's just takes so long to feel any bit of right?

2548 replies

461 - 470 of 2,548
1...464748...255

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

True that @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member

If I left biscuits out for him, he probably would eat the lot! I actually had to put the tin of biscuits under the sink, because he learnt to push the lid off!!

Yes, it is very pleasant outside. Despite living near two busy roads, i can barely hear the traffic, and I am trying to instead focus on the noises closest to me. So I can hear the slight breeze, crickets, occasionally people's voices (I am at the front), other noises of movements. It is interesting when you are trying to focus how much you can pick up.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Oh naughty cat!i juat watched a fb clip tjat says naughty cats. There was one that pees in the dog water bowl, pushes water bottles off the counter top and sits on alcohol cases and when the owner goes to get one the cat slaps and tried to bite their hand.
I can imagine your cat doing this to get some attention @Sans911 lol

That sounds really peaceful. Can you see the stars too? I often watch the satellites have tou ever seen one cross over you?

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlanderI was really interested to see the response about reactions to being in the forum. And what I didn't explain really was the rest of the story. It wasn't exactly that my case manager dissaproved of me being here, it was for reasons that when I am here, I tend to avoid reaching out in rl to mh services. Some truth in that, but I am dissapointed of late that she does not give me space to elaborate. Yesterday, she called me for something, asked me how I was, and didn't wait for an answer before moving on. Great people skills. And that is why I am here in the first place. Because I don't have to tag people, I don't even have to have people approve of what I say or not (well, except of course mods), I can take my time for a short or long post, I can rewrite what I want 20 times if I have to, or I can delete it all together. I am not judged, ridiculded, told I am wasting precious time or money to be alive, and I am not scorned for not calling in when I said I might or might not. Does that make sense?

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander @Sans911 @Faith-and-Hope I am going to sleep now, meds are kicking in. Goodnight to you 3 gorgeous ladies💜💜❤️💜❤️

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Good night @Former-Member ❤❤❤

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Goodnight @Former-Member. I hope you sleep ok.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Yes that makes sense @Sans911
I think alot of us substituted rl for here. Myself included.
Being here in this environment is really great for all the reasons touve meantioned. I hope that other mh professionals can see that one day too though i can understand where they are coming from.
Dont stop reaching out sis whether it be here or in rl. I know youve increased your offline supports which im really proud of you for ❤❤

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Goodnight @Former-Member ..... 💜

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor

Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlanderI have actually decreased or maintained my offline supports. One mh nurse less after her abrasive comment. mh case manager/nurse now only available for crisis intervention (previously same plus weekly support if she was available) and very soon loosing her to referral to community team instead of acute. Pdoc is away for a month.

And I have respite centre lead nurse during daytime or other nurses ah if needed. Adding counsellour for 3 months on weekly basis or until public pyschologist in place (possibly Jan/Feb now).

Still have GP weekly for as long as needed. I am struggling to maintain even that, as I nearly dropped all of them last week. That possibly would have been distrastrous.

I have to be quite strict in the number of support sytems/persons I have in place and where they are from. Too many, and it becomes complicated and overwhelming for me-I guess that would be the same for anyone with MI, slightly more of an issue with BPD. Too little, isolation and SI increases.

Did you follow all that lol?! I struggle too.

461 - 470 of 2,548
1...464748...255

SANE Forums is published by SANE with funding from the Australian Government Department of Health.

SANE Forums does not provide crisis support.
If you need immediate assistance, please see available crisis services.

Learn more about SANE and SANE services at sane.org

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

Back to top
SANE logo
Australian Commission on Safety and Quality in Health Care NSQDMH Accreditation logo

Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.

Donate Now
Aboriginal flag
Torres Strait Islander flag
LGBT flag
Transgender flag

SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.

SANE is a public company limited by guarantee and registered tax-exempt charity with DGR (Deductible Gift Recipient) status.

Charity ABN 92 006 533 606. Donations of $2 or more are tax deductible. SANE, PO Box 1226, Carlton VIC 3053.