**Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911 So glad to see you back on here a bit. Have been worried about you. And yes it does super suck, I too came on here for an outlet and ended up meeting some kind, compassionate, caring people too that I have become quite attached too. Hopefully you don’t start to leak again but you are one of them. Sleep well hun 💗💗

Attagirl @Sans911 ..... that’s how I deal with it .....

I think my brain is waiting sometimes until I am in the most vulnerable place in my day ..... trying to put my head down on the pillow and go to sleep ..... to start unpacking stuff.

I am having two nights at the moment ..... falling asleep for an hour or two on Chair Island ..... then waking up enough to drag myself off to Bed Island ..... or get waylaid for longer at Chair to Table Island ..... currently at the latter having just watched a Brene Brown TED talk.

If my brain is that active with concern of some sort, going to bed and agonising about not sleeping is not going to do it for me. I am better to spend three constructive hours awake in the middle of the night, with a solid two hour sleep on one side and a solid three to four hour sleep on the other side of it, than to spend the whole night stewed up and tossing around.

Sometimes I don’t even know what it is. I am sitting outside my husband’s story .... the e.d. is symptomatic of something that is crippling him on the inside that he won’t let me near, so all I can do is remain present, supportive of what I can that is workable, and wait this thing out.

So what to do in the meantime ? When we are dealing with mi as a carer, the first thing counsellors tell you is to learn as much as you can about the condition ..... learn how it works, how it thinks, what it demands ..... doing that. What feeds our particular condition ? Because it is ours ..... we are all living with it .....

Learning about vulnerability and shame. Learning about what feeds shame, and what it’s antidote is .... and that vulnerability is the true hallmark of courage ......

This forum exists on courage .....

We are all here in courage .....

Hope I am not derailing your Round 3 ..... hoping to help settle it for tonight.

♥️

@Sans911 Thanks for posting, I know it must have been difficult. I am glad you have a trusted doctors but still need a lot more support in your corner. We all understand hun if you cannot be on here or post on here, you need to look after the most important person, YOU. We will be here for when you need us and keep taking those small manageable steps however tiny they may be. 💕💕💕💕

Hi @Sans911,

I just wanted to drop by and let you know that I can super relate to what you are describing both with your GP running out of options and with your attachment issues.

My GP is totally out of options. I know that if my turtle whisperer and I can't find someone for me, then that will be the end of my attempts to find a therapist.

Your story reminds me yet again that I was infinitely safer with Fred than I am now or will most likely ever be again. This in itself is a gigantic muddle. However, the reality is that constantly being dumped by professionals is immensely destructive and totally counter to what those of us with attachment-based issues need. Again I am reminded that although Fred did immense harm, he is without a doubt the reason I survived through my twenties.

From what I can see, mental health professionals genuinely don't get attachment stuff. I really don't see why it is so hard to understand, but apparently it is.

I super wish I had an answer for you @Sans911 (and for me!!!!).