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Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor15 July 2017, 1:02 am AEST

Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Apologies for this long, ranting post, but I have to get it out of my head. I don't care if you read it or not.

For weeks now, I felt so incredibly overwhelmed with sadness; on the edge of tears constantly that never get released. I'm back on medication for depression which doesn't seem to be working after 3 weeks.

Nothing brings much satisfaction anymore, not even my job, which was one thing I had to hold onto to keep me going. And after yet another impulsive attempt and a trip to hospital last weekend, where I also take shifts, my professional conduct & capacity is being questioned by other staff and departmental managers. I don't blame them; I would probably feel the same way.

My SI is actually an acceptable 'coping mechanism' for my BPD when life gets to much, and I need to shut down. But now it's become a burden and problematic because of how often I've presented to hospital in the last 6months. Often if I feel 'safe' enough, I stay home and sleep it off. So now, after feeling like I've burdened health services to the point of annoyance, I feel like I have go ahead and made a proper effort because I deserve to be punished for that. I can't 'urge surf' these SI/SA thoughts anymore. I feel compelled to put them into proper action. Now that I have made that decision, I am scared, that if I really intend to go through with it, there's no coming back, no tommorows.

Why do I now suddenly care so much about dying, when I never did before with any other major attempts? I don't really know, but it's got me really rattled how stuck my mind is on making it work. I guess maybe I want to stick around for a bit longer. But this feeling of hopelessness is all consuming and strong.

I don't know what to do. I don't know who to turn to anymore, as the support services have heard it all before, so nothing they suggest helps. Not even my loved DBT skills help. How do you keep going when nothing helps, loved ones can't reach you, and it's just takes so long to feel any bit of right?

2548 replies

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In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2018, 7:38 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@Sans911I know hun, I totally get it when those urges are there and how hard they are to control. We can get through this together. Lean on us for that support or for distraction.

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 7:41 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

im hoping talking about the book is helping? @Sans911 if not we can change the channel

im trying to work out how to incorporate a smell in, i like lavender so was thinking about trying to infuse a piece of paper and then adding a picture of a lavender field and maybe a real pieve of lavender? im not sure how it would work though if it would wreck the paper...

how did you set out your strategies for each emotion? did you make them a mind map or something or a list? and did you include how to do them as well or just put urge surfing plus the others under one heading?

i like the idea of your beach page- you said you collected some sand from your favourite beach too didnt you?

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 7:47 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

evening @Former-Member

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2018, 7:52 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Hi @outlander how are you going? Semmes like you have been busy today

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 7:55 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

afer about 12 oclock it started to get really hectic and everything wanted to happen all at once right up until about an hr ago @Former-Member how are you? how was sport?

In response to: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Sans911Senior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 7:56 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlander - you could always infuse a peice of paper with lavender oil (it will stain), press a peice of lavender and put the together?

I have the emotions written down like anger, sadness - I kind of have used a mud map or tree underneath to list strategies to help. Like anger has STOP, sadness has urge surfing, distractions & under that is movies, reading, cleaning, etc. I hope this helps a bit. Don't be too worried about how it's set out. No one is looking at but you.

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 8:00 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

i was wondering how the best way is to infuse it, i thought maybe adding a drop or in each corner or using a spray bottle and do a few gentle misty sprays @Sans911 and then add a piece of lavender in there too

i know no one else will see it but i have quite a few strategies and wasnt really sure how to arrange them

@Former-Memberwhat are your thoughts on making a book? what sort of things would you add?

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2018, 8:02 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlanderglad things have calmed down.

Sport went ok, glad weekend it almost over

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

outlanderSenior Contributor11 Feb 2018, 8:04 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

only calm cause i fed all the animals and pops not home @Former-Member its abit tense atm at home. i was a little snappy earlier this evening but wont get into it now. will just breathe and handle it as it comes hey

yes weekends nearly over thank god for that

In response to: Re: **Trigger warning** Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

Unknown userMember11 Feb 2018, 8:06 pm AEDT

Re: Trigger warning Stuck in world of sadness and Suicidal Ideation

@outlanderI think a book it a good idea. I guess each book would be different depending on what is important to you. When using the book it has to appeal to you on an emotional level. Therefore, I would include a lot about my kids in it, but for others they might include friends, family, animals, etc.

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