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Topic Tuesday / CLOSED / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

NikNikSenior Contributor17 July 2015, 9:25 pm AEST

Topic Tuesday / CLOSED / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Topic Tuesday - Tonight @ 7pm AEST

Many of us are carers for a loved one who struggles with drugs or alcohol. Topic Tuesday will look at the tricky situations carers can find themselves in.

- How do you address the elephant in the room?

- How do you approach difficult conversations?

- How can you be supportive, but not an enabler?

If you have the answers to these questions, or searching for advice and answers - join us at 7pm AEST .

To help us answer these tricky questions we are joined by David from ARAMI -

ARAFMI is a peak body that advocates for carers of people with a mental illness, and David has been working there for 3 years, providing support to people who care for someone with a mental illness.

Welcome David - did you want to tell us a bit about yourself before we kick off?

54 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday / *CLOSED* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

HobbitSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:04 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Hi everyone,

I'm David. I work at Mental Health Carers ARAFMI NSW.

ARAFMI is a peak body that advocates for carers of people with a mental illness, and I have been working there for 3 years, providing support to people who care for someone with a mental illness.

I also facilitate a group for people at risk of homelessness called Essential Living. In this group, I work with many people experiencing a vast array of complex needs, in which alcohol and other drug problems are prominent.

I have also experienced a long history of drug and alcohol addiction myself, and I know first-hand the issues and negative side effects that come along with this lifestyle. I feel that it's my past that gives me much empathy and understanding when dealing with people experiencing similar issues as mine.

I have now been in my own personal recovery for 4 years, and I have a real passion to provide help and support to others based on my own past experiences.

I would love to chat with anyone out there tonight about any issue you might be experiencing.

David

In response to: Topic Tuesday / *CLOSED* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

bigsisterCasual Contributor21 July 2015, 7:05 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / NOW OPEN / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Hi. My younger brother is struggling with drug and mental issues at the moment and my parents and I are at a loss as to how to cope. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

NikNikSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:08 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Thanks David. Some people may "recognise" David (aka @Hobbit ) as he's been a moderator on the Forums before aswell 🙂

Also a big welcome to everyone who has joined us tonight. Please feel free to ask questions as we go. We will be talking about different strategies throughout the night and would love to hear your experiences and any additional tips you may have through that experience.

So it can be really daunting approaching a loved one who you feel is struggling with drugs or alcohol - David, do you have any tips on how someone can start a conversation with their loved one and address 'the elephant in the room' so to speak?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Sophie44Contributor21 July 2015, 7:09 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Thanks David.

My daughter is 20 and has BDP and aspergers and relies on Alcohol to calm the painful chaos in her head, every single evening. If she controls the amount she drinks, she drinks way way too much. So we have an agreement that we control the amount she drinks (with the goal being her quitting) and give it to her like medication each evening.

We HATE it. We feel like enablers and wish there was another way. I am interested in your thoughts on this.

Cheers.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / *NOW OPEN* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

NikNikSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:10 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / NOW OPEN / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

@bigsister - welcome.
I hope some of the things we talk about tonight help. Please feel free to jump in and ask questions as we go.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Unknown userMember21 July 2015, 7:11 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Hi @Hobbit @ Nik Nik,
Thanks for the opportunity to ask a question. Sometimes people who suffer anxiety and depression will go off their meds and try to manage with a bit of alcohol to take the edge off. Do you have any advice regarding this. Alcohol can be seen as more socially acceptable and if there is not an excessive consumption is it a problem?

In response to: Topic Tuesday / *CLOSED* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

FatimaSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:12 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / NOW OPEN / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

My 59 year old brother suffers from paranoid schizophrenia ( not medicated) and I am his carer. He generally has his drinking under control drinking moderate amounts of beer and wine throughout the day. However once a fortnight or so he ' goes on a bender' drinking whiskey . This has a bad effect on his mental health and he starts slamming doors, muttering to himself and pacing the-house, at all hours of the night. It is difficult to know what to do on these occasions as he
does not communicate. Sometimes I am tempted to have his Centrelink pension quarantined but this would remove any form of autonomy he has and control of his own life. Somewhat of a dilemma.

In response to: Topic Tuesday / *CLOSED* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

bigsisterCasual Contributor21 July 2015, 7:13 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / NOW OPEN / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Thank you @NikNik
I hope I can take some helpful advice from tonight.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

NikNikSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:14 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / 21 July, 7pm AEST / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Hi @Sophie44

Your feeling of being an enabler is very common.
We will be touching on this very soon - so stay tuned - you have come to the right place!!

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday / *NOW OPEN* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

HobbitSenior Contributor21 July 2015, 7:16 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday / NOW OPEN / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

Hi @bigsister

I think it's great that you have come onto these forums to ask some advice. Have you or you parents confronted your brother about this? It can be very tricky to do this without seemingly 'making things worse', but sometimes these things really need to be talked about. Try to show your brother that you love him, and are just trying to do your best by him.

If you have already confronted him, and he is continuing to use despite the fact that it is causing problems is a problem in and of itself; it shows that substance use has become more important than the problems it causes. This is where you might need to try to ask him about changes, such as rehab, etc.

Also, it makes it harder when there is a mental illness involved, and in my experience, people are better equipped to work on recovery from their mental illness if their substance use problem is discovered and confronted early.

Does this help at all? Let me know what you think.

David

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