A strange feeling

I have this strange feeling, its bubbling up inside me.

I've had a big couple of years. In the past 2 and a bit years I have ...

Beaten breast cancer, with a smile on my face.

Bought a house and moved out of my parents place to live on my own for the first time ever. They now live almost 2 hours from me and we don't have a lot of contact (long story, we wont go there)

I also got a little part time job a few months ago, which means for the first time since going on dsp almost 20 years ago I am working a bit (and centrelink is okay with me doing it while on dsp!)

I've fought centrelink to be heard when I had a problem, and they listened.

Since buying my house I've had a huge learning curve. I had to put my faith in a builder when I needed my bathroom renovated, I didn't have a clue what to do, and he helped me sort it all out. I've sorted out all sorts of things from electricity, security screens, paying rates etc.

A few weeks ago I braved meeting some other owners of the townhouse complex I am in at an AGM, the first time I've sat at a table with a group of people in years. I even made a friend! Though I haven't seen him since haha.

My design and decorating knowledge is zero, its taken me 15 months to purchase a lounge, (previously I was sitting on the floor to watch tv!) and it turned up last week in a box needing to be put together. I sat and stared at that box for days. I thought I couldn't do it. It was a 2 seater lounge and weighs almost 90kg, so I thought how am I a middle aged woman on her own going to get that out of a box and put it together? And today I did it! I put it together by myself and it wasn't nearly as hard as I had thought it would be.

I am so happy and proud. 25 years ago I was in such a bad place in life. I've struggled hard to get out of it, and I still fight with my illnesses. But my life has improved so much and I just want to say to those of you who are struggling to hang in there. In my case it wasn't a doctor or therapist who helped me (I gave up on doctors over 15 years ago), it was a bunch of strangers that I've met in the past 2 years who were kind and accepted me for the way I am. Plus my own positivity and keeping my eye on my goal of improving my life, and constantly working towards it.

I have this weird feeling inside of me and I realized this afternoon what it is.

I am happy.

I have no idea why I am posting this, I don't really want to talk about it but if it helps just one person then that is a good thing.

Be happy.