-Enigma-

Hello @Former-Member

I do hope that you will heed the warning signs from your body.

grief, fear, worry, anxiety, depression all have a major toll on our bodies.

when the grief is about one of our children it is tenfold, indescribable.

I feel for you, the helplessness,the out of reach, beyond our control, inexplicable horror of not being able to make it better.

my son is now unrecognisable almost with his requests. He is begging me to get him out of this country where he fears for his life. How can I respond, help with results, read the pleas for help and just say to myself it is an illness! Does that bring any relief? No!!

inthe nights the messages are flowing through whilst I attempt to sleep. Sleep what is that?

Try to remember you in all of the mess. Xx

@Former-Member Thank you so very much for your kind thoughtful words to me, they do mean so much. You have taken time to appreciate and help others in the middle of your own darkness. You are a special person, sometimes you need to believe what others see rather than what you might not see yourself. You are doing well. Take care today, warm thoughts coming your way.

Thank you @Maggie@oceangirl@Zoe7@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

Today has been a particularly hard one. I woke up in the middle of the night in agonising pain in my breast, rib, shoulder area due to the injury caused by my fall. I think I made it worse going to my volunteer work yesterday.

So I have been laid up in bed all day with pain killers unable to do anything. I am feeling so depressed as a result. My husband has been looking after me but the strain is effecting him, making me feel worse. And my daughter comes home soon and I never know in what state. I am feeling vulnerable and not safe.

Hello @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope

I do know what it is like to fall further into depression and the world seems relentless in piling more pain.

when I am in deep depression with the nothingness, sometimes I am unable to move my lips to speak.

I find not trying to relate verbally less of a burden.

If you are needing sleep try to get some for a time limit. Perhaps an hour maximum depending on how much sleep you are getting in a 24hour period. Set an alarm to wake you up. Then make an effort to get out of bed slowly. You might feel lightheaded. Try to only focus on your movement. Keep your fluid intake up and have a drink of water. I don't remember things so keep a note of time and how much. Also if you are taking any medication at all keep record of how much and times taken.

your husband is affected also of course. Just give him a hug tell him that you love him and are working at looking after your health. You need him to look after him whilst you get through this.

keep your focus on you only at this time. You have no control over anyone else.

have you a gp appointment for thorough checkup?

have you appointment with psychiatrist or psychologist or referral? Important re medication and monitoring as well as talking about everything with impartial specialist.

I think that I have fatigue again as have not had proper sleep in 7 weeks. Takes a long time to catch up.I am just trying to get through next 9days then hopefully sleep will be kinder. I have been having random chest pains also. Think they are anxiety. Will deal with when arrive home.

Take care my friend as mothers we can only do some homework.our children are now adults and have to take some responsibility with their care as hard as that is for us to come to terms with. We Canberra of no help to them if we are very unwell or no around.

xxxxxxxxx

Just read sounds nonsensical in parts.

dratted auto spelling

dont have energy to amend

ipad about to die

justgot back from other relative for 3days and realised have left international adapter there so might not be back on here until after weekend. See cousin then for family gathering.

Hi @Former-Member

That's what people who care about us do. He may be tired, but he sounds like a very caring husband who is more than willing and wants to help. Don't be too tough on yourself for that.
I hope you're getting some rest tonight. If things continue to escalate, particularly if you're not safe and can't talk to your husband, please contact:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Beyondblue: 1300 22 4636 or web chat

If in immediate danger: 000

Take care - I hope you heal quickly,

Nik

@Former-Member Sending warm wishes

Hello @Former-Member

am hoping that you are finding some calm no matter how briefly in the midst of all of this.

one of my cousin's daughters is struggling managing her 5month old son. She is a perfectionist.

I silently think to myself if you only knew to treasure every single moment of his wellness. At the same time I had post natal depression so did it all start with me???

a ridiculous question one that I actually used to ponder over when he was younger.

did you ever think like that?

Thank you for the well wishes everyone. @NikNik - thank you for your kind words and the numbers you provided, I wasn't aware of half of them. It's good to know these services exist as the situation with my daughter is dire. I am still waiting to wake up from that nightmare.

Thanks @Maggie for your ongoing support and friendship. Means a lot. How are you going?

oh yes @Former-Member, I think like you. I went over in my own mind and with others who are close to me every single detail in my daughter's upbringing where I could of gone wrong, or which circumstance could of triggered her poor choices and MI now. And I have blamed myself many times. But in retrospect, and according to those who know me best who are always upfront with me - myself and hubby were good parents. Our love, support and kindness just wasn't enough for her. She likes the wild side and is now paying for it, and the worst is to come.

And yes, when I see mothers with their children I think to myself "treasure every moment", hold them and love them as they are precious. Don't let anything come before them, play with them and enjoy them as you never know what may happen tomorrow. The cliche - we never know what we have until it's gone. Those innocent years with my daughter were all too short. She is not the same wonderful child and person that she was. That beautiful innocent respectful child everyone loved and adored. I don't know her anymore 😢.

Its not your fault at all @Former-Member. Our children grow and make their own choices and they can bring consequences. Drugs can trigger MI. I know that is the case with my daughter, I can't speak for all. And We have to sit back and watch the horror, which really isn't fair on us. I am reaching my tether. I feel like a sitting duck and somehow I have to take back control of my life.

My husband is very good to me. I don't know what I would do otherwise. He is worried for my physical and mental health. I have been acting out of character, I am not myself. It would appear as a result of my home situation I am suffering PTSD, but I am not one for labels really. It's a very traumatic situation and I feel captive to it. Something I need to change. There is much happening that I can't indulge in these posts, the situation is much more serious than I am letting on.

Normally I would keep busy as pushing myself forward really does help me to overcome depression and not be defeated. But I am still in bed healing from injuries and it's hard to push aside that cloud hanging overhead. I feel deeply depressed and empty. So I really appreciate this chance to talk and feel heard and supported. It's keeping me going. Thank you. I feel I have lost my world. If I did anything to deserve this I could accept it. It just seems so cruel 😥