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Something’s not right

-Enigma-

-Enigma-

I have given up now - no one can say it was not without a fight. But then no one on heaven and earth would give a damn anyway. I gave from the heart and it was a joy to help others. I felt such peace with that. I never did it for anything in return ever, I did it because I truly cared and felt so much genuine compassion towards others. I was promised dreams and peace would come true even though I never asked. It felt so good to know I made someone's lives a bit better.

Why is it that people like me are then faced with so much heartache, injustice, trauma and adversity that seeks to do everything in its power to destroy that good, to take the little good and peace I had, to utterly destroy me. Why?

I had always been there when possible others times of need - now that I truly need someone I have been all but abandoned by those I knew and those in the spirit. I realise now everything was a lie and feel utterless helpless and lost. I have lost everything and don't see the point in being here. I hope I don't wake up to another day of despair.

1732 replies

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In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Thanks @Maggie .... 🤗💕

Thinking of you .... take courage .....

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member Heatpump cancelled due to rain,coming Monday, phew, I can breath now.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

I loved your picture @Faith-and-Hope I need some of that lion courage presently. Hope your day is good 😊

@Maggie - I do feel the same way when workers whom I don't know are at my house - I feel very uncomfortable. Our sensitive natures. I find keeping distracted doing something when this is happening helps. Just think of the benefits of the heat pump...especially this time of year. It's unseasonly sunny and warm here today. We didn't get much of a winter - it hit mainly when i went to the shop for my volunteer work!!! It was freezing those couple of days 😬. Much better today. It's the humidity coming in the summer that concerns me. I find that much harder to cope with (draining).

@Former-Member - welcome home 🙂 I have always wanted to visit England, particularly the Cotswolds myself but things have always prevented it. Was it a good experience for you? I would of loved to have visited their gardens and speciality village shops - particular the cross stitch and craft ones. All my stitching equipment I have purchased hand made from there. Hope you adjust and feel tip top soon 😚

I woke up feeling very poorly unfortunately. I feel quite fragile and depressed. Not sure why but feel weak and teary. I hope tomorrow is better. I feel very vulnerable and a little afraid when like this

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

My husband can't understand why I can't be completely happy. Why I can't move on from grief. Why am I such a failure? Why am I so weak? How do I fix this?

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Former-Member You aren't a failure, you are a sensitive human being is all and from my point of view, stay that way. I'm sorry you feel unwell and depressed but you have just come through quite a storm and need to recover. Is there something nice you could do for yourself today?

I do like your cat pics she looks lovely.

If you need to talk I'm a good listener.

We have had a cold winter, white frosts most days, wet at the moment though. Thinking of you, warm thoughts.

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

@Former-Member It wasn't that long ago that your husband was 'suffering' also. He may have 'come through' that little period in both your lives a little quicker and easier than you and thus can't see that you need to move forward in your own time and not on his timeline. That is often a protective mechanism from people also when they don't feel like they are 'helping' the process. Hang in there sweetheart. if you can summon up the strength - talk to yiur husband and explain that those feelings need to be worked through at your own pace and by trying to escalate the process he is infact adding more stress onto you. It is not about 'fixing' this @Former-Member - it is about laying out exactly where you are both at and finding a way forward together

It has been an extremely tough few works for both of you - stay strong my friend - and keep talking if you need.

Love always...

Zoe

In response to: -Enigma-

Re: Over The Edge

Hugs @Former-Member ......

Listening to you, and I agree with he advice in the posts above ..... ignore the Mr-Let's-Fix-It-Now nudges and keep up the self-care. You know what you need ..... stand in your own integrity Hon.

💜💕

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Thank you for being there @Maggie@Zoe7 - you are both precious to me and your posts do help, right when I need it. I am feeling very fragile presently - it's come as a surprise to me. I seem to be so up and down lately.

@Maggie - I am a very sensitive person - I can feel others pain as well. Some parts I wouldn't want to change - the depression resulting I do. I don't like the feeling of insecurity and negativity that it brings - it may sound silly, but I feel guilty. I don't know what is going on inside my head at the moment but hopefully I will gain better insight in the next few days and feel better. My perception feels odd. And I become frighten when this happens. I will try and cross stitch as that does help sometimes to distract from these feelings. Thank you for being such a good friend.

@Zoe7 - you are wise, thank you - I will talk to my husband and try and explain - as you are right it is adding more stress and does make me feel guilty for not being stronger. And that makes matter worse, yes. I have come along way from 5 years ago - but presently with what's happening with my daughter I don't always cope with it. I try and distance myself but its serious and although grown she is my child. I don't even know what to say to her anymore. It's soul destroying.....how do I stop another from effecting me this way? Just when I think I have, bingo, grief strikes again. There has to be a way as I so want to be my old happy self again. I love life and there is so much I want to do and achieve but this grief keeps holding me back. And when that grief, worry and depression hits - that love of life goes flying out the door. It's a real battle that I know you would understand and that helps me a lot at times like this. Thank you

Sorry to rant as I know you are going through much yourself. I so appreciate your responses as I know this can't be easy for you both. That means so much to me and tells me what special people you are. I will try and cross stitch and see if I can gain some relief. Your posts are really helping me through this rough patch - I love you both ❤️

In response to: Re: Over The Edge

Re: Over The Edge

Just read your post @Faith-and-Hope - thank you. I will try and self care. My heart feels so heavy and just wants to do nothing - but I will try cross stitching as that usually helps calm things a little in me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better at the shop. Thank you my friend for being there and for caring 💕xxx

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