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Im actually terrified

JoccieCasual Contributor06 July 2017, 9:03 pm AEST

Im actually terrified

I have let myself down so much by not been the mum that I wanted to be. I live in this hole of, I wish, I should've..... I just wanted to be.

I know I am only posting new here and I have also been a member for a couple of years. But when I first joined there was such a strong connection between a few members, which is great and powerful for you. But also a little intimidating for myself....

Anyway, even typing helps with the anxiety.

I've been out of hospital for almost 3 years but my almost 12yr old wants to live with a 'normal family' and I have to give that to her.

Guilty, sad, angry and resigned in about that order. It F##cking sucks.

6 replies

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In response to: Im actually terrified

utopiaSenior Contributor06 July 2017, 9:56 pm AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

@Joccie. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is really hard being a parent. Even without mental health issues.
What 'normal family' is your daughter talking about?
I know my son is currently struggling with having me with a mental illness. He's 14.
It's so painful to hear when they say they want 'more' than we can give. We do the best we can, when we can. No parent is perfect.
And as much as our children may want 'normal' - the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side.
Would you like to talk?

In response to: Re: Im actually terrified

JoccieCasual Contributor06 July 2017, 10:26 pm AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

Hi Utopia

Thank you for responding,

I would really like to talk to you But are you around for another hour? 🙂

In response to: Re: Im actually terrified

JoccieCasual Contributor06 July 2017, 11:21 pm AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

sorry I am western australia.

Hopefully tomorrow we can talk

Thank you for the time you gave me

In response to: Re: Im actually terrified

Unknown userMember07 July 2017, 6:05 am AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

Hello @Joccie

@utopia

It doesn't matter when you joined, how often you have written.

I have not been in your situation. I do however have a very difficult relationship with my older son in his 30's.

having the role as a mother questioned is heartbreaking. I cannot begin to understand your anguish.

you say you like books and music on your other thread. Would you like to start a conversation on a book you are currently reading or a favourite, or a conversation of your choice?

dont worry about how many likes you receive. Responses can also be random due to us all having our own issues and struggles.

will check back in from time to time.

In response to: Im actually terrified

soulSenior Contributor07 July 2017, 7:40 am AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

Hi @Joccie - being a mother is one of the most difficult jobs there is. There is no instruction manual. No absolute right and wrong way to act or handle every situation. And we are sometimes our harshest critics. I second guess myself all the time. Wishing my kids had a father that connected with them thinking it was my fault for choosing to marry the wrong man. Guilt, anger, sadness - yep, it's all there.

My mother has just recently passed away. She wasn't the sort of person I could really open up to but I feel she probably did the best job she knew how to. I am estranged from two of my siblings. I see other families who are so close and loving and feel sad that this wasn't us. My own children have no desire to be parents at this stage and I have to wonder whether it is because of what they have grown up with or witnessed. What is normal? All we can hope for is that our kids find happiness in life.

In response to: Im actually terrified

utopiaSenior Contributor07 July 2017, 11:21 am AEST

Re: Im actually terrified

@Joccie. Sorry I didn't see your response last night.
Yes I'm free to talk. I'm happy to share some of my experience with you. Or maybe you would be comfortable sharing what is happening for you and your daughter.

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