Encouragement required...

This all sounds so familiar. Having been through it many years ago. I wish I had left my husband at least after my youngest was born. When you are looking after young children and you have a husband who doesn't appreciate what you do and you're walking on eggshells all the time so you don't upset him, life becomes very unpredictable. The only way I got though was because I had my family around. Eventually we divorced after the children had grown up. It sounds as through you are starting to get some relief with daycare etc. My only other suggestion is not to forget about yourself, if you're not already working outside the home that is. It's important to have some financial security of your own just in case. I wish I had made my husband more accountable, made him get help and put up boundaries that he wasn't to cross. He put doubts in my mind too and I am still dealing with them today. You are doing a great job, your husband is an adult (supposedly) you can encourage him but he needs to take responsibility for his own mental health too.

It is interesting that sending an email whilst living in the same household works. it gives distance and is there for later. I send emails to my son who lives with me. Some of them he takes up. I never know which will be beneficial and which he will ignore so I just keep doing it in a low key way.

I am thinking of getting counselling from Carers Vic about boundaries in the house .. I just am totally hopeless at knowing what normal people think is acceptable in the home.

I know that intellectually. As I did math I find it easy to talk about bell curves and ranges of behaviour. Because of the severity of my childhood and marriage issues I have no idea what are "reasonable" expectations or requests. In a weird way I thought my childhood WAS normal, I am still coming to terms with fact that very few people can actually relate to the severity of the things I have experienced.

Its ok I dont need to use your thread for my particular issues but trying to give encouragement and its been nice chatting.

Why dont you try some activity that would help you just concentrate on life more than trying to correct him. Like I'm concentrating on my swimming classes and practicing the same at home. Since we are in Canada, we got in built by the Solda Pools in Toronto. But you would find so many like them in Australia too. Im just trying it....not sure if it'll help me in a long run.

hey Curlybeach

My heart goes out to you. My niece is in a similar position with 2 under 2 and a husband not able (or willing?) to really help himself or with the kids. Im going to encourage her to get on this site as a lot of what you say is like listening to her.

Its worth trying to hang in there; perhaps you will be laughing at your grandchildren together one day. Ive been with my husband for over 30 years. He is alcoholic and suffers with anxiety but weve had lots of good times and now that our kids are raised I have more time to nurture me and him. Mind you Ive been lucky that he has never given up on himself and makes constant efforts to be the best he can.

Good luck and believe in yourself and your decisions.

hey