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Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Hey there.
So this might be a little long however i need some advice to know that i am not overreacting. I started at a company a while ago and what i loved most was that they gave me flexibility with my kid. Having specif days off whenmy kid is not in childcare and being able to go of my kid needs to be picked up from childcare due to being sick. Everyone there is so nice and the policy is to be nice to eah other and treat each other with respect. However my boss does not seem to like me. I am a Manager and even if i have a kid i do work long hours and do everything that's needed. I have a young team and being a woman i needed to earn their respect in the beginning. I worked with another male manager and we got along amazingly bit he got transferred to another department and thats when everything went downhill. I started to work doubleshifts every weekend because there was no replacment for him yet. I never said a word but at one stage turned to my former colleague asking him if he knows when we find someone that i cant keep doing these hours. My boss pulled me up on this saying that i shouldnt bother that other guy that he has enough on his plate and is not responsible for me. That he is my boss as he is his boss and also that i should be careful what to write because sometimes it is stupid (totally unrelated to the topic). I was shocked but just took it and apologised. My boss is a very moody person. I address issues regarding the team to him and there were plenty especially with the young boys who seemed to have an issue to respect a female manager. He always said he is dealing with it but no one was really put in to place. He made changes withput telling me, left me out and when my staff was asking me i had to say that i dont know about that which didnt help with the respect. I kept on addressing issues and all i did get was that all i do is point fingers and just conplain. Maybe it is myself who needs to change. That i am basically being lazy. That everyone on the team has a problem with me (which is not true i asked them all one by oneand he never once approached them) one day again he made changes for the team without telling me and the other new manager (who he by the way likes, making jokes with each other and all i get is mean looks) and i got frustrated and said something. Also he wanted to have one on ones with everyone from the team and i was asking if he wants to cosult with me and the other manager to know how everyone is performing but he declined. He had a chat with me afterwards saying who i think i am.I dont need to explain myself to anyone, i am the boss. Do you really think i dont know when you talk behind my back about me. You wanted change i made change i dont need to consult you first or explain it, i am the boss You got to know with everyone else at briefing. I will do the one on one's with just them. Why would i sit down with you first to go through everyones development. I hired them i know how they are performing. You havent changed a bit from day one. Are stuck to your host desk. The girls have a problem with you as well, i know because i spoke to them.
All you do is point fingers, how about you step back and take a look at yourself. The boys changed because i nurtured him. I do work with people and get to know them, work on their mistakes.you dont do anything. I should help clean everything and then do cash up.
I was in tears while he spoke to me like this. Crying in front of him. He makes me so small and my whole confidence is lost as soon as he enters the room. The other day i made a wrong deciscon and instead of guiding me he just looked at me and said : you never listen. What did you think hey? Today i had to pick up my kid from childcare because it got sick ehich happened for the first time. I told him and all i got was a: do what you have to do but i have to let you know that i am not happy about this.
I left and cried in the car. I dont know what to do anymore.he is so nice to everyone else but me. Its how he is speaking to me. Its unreasonable and in a very mean tone of voice. He does it in front of peope but with a smile that everyone else thinks he is being nice. I dont know what to do...

2 replies

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In response to: Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Re: Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Hi @Tinkerbell33,

yes it does sound like you are being bullied. If you want to stay in that job, I suggest you start writing down everyhting you boss says to you that is questionable. I would start with him saying he is "not happy with" you going to pick up your sick child. Write it down, with the time and the date recorded as well. Also, if anyone heard him say it, then write their name down, as well.

If it is company policy that you can leave work due to family illness - it's called 'carer's leave' and it is your right, then it's inappropriate for you boss to say he is "not happy" with you leaving. He and everyone else who works at the company have the same rights- to take carer's leave when it is needed.

It's the same with the comment you boss made that your writing is 'stupid'. He is not allowed to use personal put-downs like that. It's totally inappropriate and it does constitute bullying. Take note of it. He should have said "these are the ways I think you could improve your writing" and give you concrete examples of what he means. For example, grammatical errors, spelling errors or choice of words that fit with the company image and vision statement.

Your boss saying that "everyone has a problem with you" is inappropriate, too. If a staff member has made a specific complaint about you, then of course it should be brought to your attention. But using that generalization without any examples to back it up, is just plain wrong. It's very poor management and poor use of communication skills, and it's immature. And yes, I do consider it to be bullying, in light of everything else you have detailed. Please keep a note of this.

@Tinkerbell33, do you have a Human Resources department? You can take your issues to them and have a private conversation about what is going on. I think it will help you to feel heard and then to decide what you would like to do about the situation. Please do not go on as you are, feeling helpless about what is happening to you. Do you belong to a union? You can also talk to them.

It might be that you start looking for work elsewhere, while you are doing this. Some people who are being bullied choose to stay and fight what is happening to them, but depending on their personality, this can often be more trouble than it is worth. Often, the bullying escalates and the person who is on the receiving end ends up involved in lengthy court battles.... which are in themselves more stressful than the initial bullying.

Please seek help, @Tinkerbell33. Even if this means finding a psychologist to talk things through, while you are sorting out a path of action. You can go to a G.P. and have them put you on a plan that is covered by Medicare. It is really important to have a safe place where you feel as though you can unburden yourself of all this.... don't battle on alone.

In response to: Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Re: Am i getting bullied or do i overreact

Hello @Tinkerbell33

I am so sorry you are going through all of that, that sounds really tough and that your boss is definitely not treating you with respect and is very unprofessional, I agree with @Sahara about writing these things down with dates and times so you have written proof of these interactions.

You are not overreacting, it seems like you have tried really hard to try to make things work on your end and your boss is still making you feel as though you are not, that is just so wrong and like he is tring to have control and bully you. I would seek as much support as possible for this and try to only communicate with your boss using email and other things in written form to avoid the comments, if you can that is.

Thinking of you and thank you so much for sharing your story

Lunar

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