Too "complex" for a psychiatrist???

@Sahara Thanks for the encouragement. However, this psychiatrist does have a very good reputation and her 18 month waiting list is indicative of the fact that she is very good at what she does and is in high demand.

My GP is AMAZING...and yet really stuck now. I think the grim reality is that my muddle is extremely muddled and it just isn't worth anyone's time and energy to take it on, when they can make a perfectly good living dealing with less muddled muddles. It has taken me around 15 months to try again with a psychiatrist after last year's adventure. My GP is well aware of how much effort it takes for me to even think about trying again. We won't be going down the psychiatrist path again any time soon.

If this was a one-off incident then it might be easier to have a sense that it doesn't define me. But it isn't a one off incident - it's a pattern. It's the first time a psychiatrist has refused to even meet with me, but there have been several psychologists who have done this and oh-so-many mental health professionals who have dumped me after meeting with me. I think tonight I just need to sit with the hopelessness.

Warm wishes @Phoenix_Rising

Are you a little yellow man @NikNik - I thought you were an alien

@Maggie I am super sorry to hear that you have experienced this too. It makes it super tricky to "reach out" or to "ask for help" when the "help" doesn't want to know you!

@NikNik you made me giggle. I have a super funny picture in my brain of the psychiatrist coming onto the forum and seeing that the community manager is a little yellow man that flies around Forum Land in a nutella jar, and the moderator is @Former-Member from the Flintstones. Nope, nothing to see here, no complexity here at all.

@NikNik Your comment that you are dumbfounded by this situation made me reflect on the fact that you have said the same thing in response to several of my other adventures over the past few months; me getting dumped by the neurofeedback psychologist, my other psychologist emailing me on Friday afternoon to warn me that Monday's session would be triggering... Is it REALLY so strange that my brain is fried...and mostly by my experiences WITHIN the MH system??? Is my fried brain REALLY due to mental illness...or is it simply the normal response to a seriously abnormal situation.

Super big thank you for being there to ride the waves of these absurd adventures with me @NikNik.

@Phoenix_Rising

I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. My psychologist of many years just recently told me that she didn't want to work with me anymore and felt she couldn't help me. I don't understand why she would do that, after so many years of knowing me and hearing my story ,it is so hurtful. I have spent a lot of this week crying and wondering what I am going to do.

I do understand what you are saying that it is better to be turned away straight away rather than see them, talk to them, build up a relationship with them and trust them and tell them things and then have them dump you.

It sucks. BUT I am looking at getting another psychologist. Can you maybe search online and try to find another psychiatrist that you like the sound of? Get some other recommendations? We have to look out for ourselves even when others fail us. ESPECIALLY when others fail us. Keep looking. There must be someone good out there who would love to take on a 'complex' case and view it as a challenge!

Another person I know couldn't find a psychiatrist who would take on their case. It was only after they were admitted to a psych hospital that they finally got a psychiatrist provided. Can your GP maybe admit you to hospital? A tough call, but maybe something worth exploring if there is no other option?

I'm glad your GP sounds good. That is an amazingly great thing to have!

Hi @Phoenix_Rising - I agree with @girl99 = surely a psychiatrist who is out to establish a reputation or maybe write a book would take you on as a career-building challenge? We can't all be put in an easy category and be treated like we are on a production line. We are all different with our own complexities. My psychologist is very good - I've just returned to him after 4 years as I had real success with him. He's in his 70s and gives very good advice which I take on board. Others I have seen I find myself drifitng off into space as they spout the usual platitudes and cookie cutter solutions. I always seem to have odd relationships with psychiatrists though, I must be difficult to categorise too - but I do enjoy being a challenge and making them work hard for their money. My current GP is very good too, he's young but seems very switched on to MH issues. I still haven't found the perfect "fit" but I think that's more of a reflection on me than on the psychiatric profession. It must be hard to be told you're too complex but a lot of the more successful psychiatrists are extremely busy and not taking on new patients. I've had some real duds that I would never see again and there are others that I've asked for that I just couldn't get an appointment with. Keep trying and ask around for recommendations - I really hope you find some good help.

Hi @girl99,

That is horrible that your psychologist of many years has decided not to continue working with you. I was in an extremely complicated and a-typical relationship with my male psychologist for sixteen years and even though the relationship was abusive, I still super miss him. Starting over is so very VERY difficult. The psychologist I have settled with now was the nineth one I tried last year...which means there were eight horrible experiences. We are not really a great match...but I'm too traumatised from therapist shopping to try again. I super hope you are able to find someone who is a good match for you really soon.

As for a psychiatrist, I won't be trying again for a while. It took me about 17 months to get over my last attempt! I certainly wouldn't go anywhere near a hospital for support. The only time the hospital sees me now is if the police drag me in there. I've had 43 psychiatric admissions over the years - all of them brief crisis-management stays. Most of my issues now are related to experiences IN the MH system, so nope, I have zero time for public mental health services. Anyway, even if this was something I was interested in, there is no way I would get admitted. The hospital only admits me if I am at immenent risk of suicide...and then they turf me out again. They know I have BPD and at least in my part of the country, there is still massive stigma around that. If I presented at the hospital calmly asking for an admission, I'd be turned away. All the times I've been admitted, it has really only been for everyone to cover themselves legally. I can honestly say that after 21 years and 43 admissions, I have had zero support from the public mental health system.

I super hope you find a good psychologist super soon.

Hi @Former-Member,

Thank you for responding to my dilemma. I'm not in any rush to try another psychiatrist. This one had an 18 month waiting list and I had heard really positive things about her. I think the fact she took the time to read through all the information my GP gave her suggests that she probably is a pretty good psychiatrist...just not interested in helping this little autistic sea turtle with BPD.

I agree that the right person probably is out there somewhere...but I am too traumatized to keep searching.

My GP is super young too - only graduated last year. I love the fact that she has such a strong interest in mental health. I also love the fact that she knows she doesn't really know much. To me this is far more valuable than someone who THINKS they have all the answers. Here's hoping that your young GP and my young GP are a sign that the upcoming generation of GPs are a bit more switched on when it comes to mental health compared to previous generations.

@Phoenix_Rising, @Former-Member, @girl99, @Zoe7, @eth,

It's been very interesting reading this all your comments. It's always worried me that so many people seem to have issues with their treating therapists, don't 'click' with them or don't like them for some reason- personal or otherwise. I think it's a huge barrier to getting the help we need.

In my experience, I was forced to shop around for a new therapist quite often, but only because I kept moving towns so often. I found all of them adequate. It's not like I could really judge them against any kind of criteria.... I didn't know a lot about psychology when I was being treated.

I only knew that they never said anything I would consider "inappropriate". Did I click with them? I don't know... I trusted them up to a point, as much as it is possible for me to trust anyone. There were probably 2 therapists that I really liked and 4 that I found perfectly fine, but not especially wonderful. Just normal people with a job to do. All of them were women, which suited me.

There was one especially, now that I think of it, that I thought was amazing- she was quite strict with me and even seemed to give me a mild 'telling off' at times. I obviously responded well to that- I must need a bit of 'telling off"! Other people may have found her way too blunt. Maybe they would have been offended by her.

In a round about way - she actually told me that I had a lot going for me and that I didn't really belong in a psychologist's office. She sort of pushed me out the door, in the end. I wasn't offended, because I've always felt very alone in the world anyway.... it's not like I would rely on a psychologist to tell me what to do or 'look after' me. I realise that they can't do that.

What do people especially look for in a therapist? Is it empahy, or is it a personality that you especially like? Is it that they seem to be up with all the latest data and science?