Secret Party Planning...

December is pretty hard for me too @CheerBear.It used to be such a great month until before I lost my nan and had some 'less than happy memories' around my birthday. Christmas used to be such a joyous day for me with my grandparents but losing my nan so close to my birthday and christmas certainly stopped that. I really tried the first year to make it special for everyone but then my pop passed away the next year so christmas has never been the same. My last great memory of my nan is picking her up from hospital for the day on my birthday and having one last 'special' day with her before she passed away a few days later We were extremely close - I not only lost my nan that day but my best friend and the only person I have ever really trusted as well

Please tell me what our trip down memory lane has inspired you to do - I could really do with something to warm my heart CB

awww @CheerBear that sounds like such a wonderful thing for you to be doing. I hope you don't mind but you have inspired me to try to put together a photo montage for my mum. I don't have photos I can do for dad as we weren't that close to his parents.

I don't know if you already know but it becomes even harder as my pop died exactly 4 months after my nan (to the day) and I found him and tried to revive him (as if this time of year could be any harder hey ) - there are a few other things that 'happened' around this time of year too but I can't talk about them - as if this month wasn't hard enough hey

My 'story' is very complicated CB and I certainly could not share most of it here - just like you I haven't even shared some of it with anyone - not my gp, psychologist or pdoc - it is just too hard. I used to write a lot but haven't even written about some of it - that should pretty much sum up how very hard it is to 'come to terms with' myself. In a way - I don't believe most of it - so why would I even begin to imagine anyone else would @CheerBear

There certainly are bits and pieces throughout the forum but they are only the things I can share - as hard as that has been. So I totally get there are just some things that we need to keep to ourselves - for whatever reason CB

I had an idea that you would get it @CheerBear and yes it is seriously hard

I used to 'blame' the kids at school for some of the music we played - but just like you - it was probably influenced a lot by me lol I have only started listening to some music again more recently - before that it was too hard - but a certain F&H really got me back into it in a postiive way

@CheerBear have to head off for a while CB. Hope you get your mowing and whipper snippering done