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This will probably make no sense

Shanc81Casual Contributor18 June 2017, 7:15 pm AEST

This will probably make no sense

I have been diagnosed with BPD which results in contango anxiety. Mostly at night when trying o sleep or if I have gotten up to go to the toilet I get this weird feeling. Where I think why am I alive, why am I who I am, looking at others Im wondering why I wasn't born that person, that they have their own brain like mine but we are different and I will never be anyone but myself. Sick and up happy. That was really hard to try and describe but this thoughts leave me in a panic where I hit myself or shake my head to release those thoughts as it really panics me. If anyone can even understand this mumbo jumbo would be great or can even relate to any of it would be helpful.
Thank you in advance

2 replies

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In response to: This will probably make no sense

ElluSenior Contributor19 June 2017, 9:52 am AEST

Re: This will probably make no sense

Dear Shanc,

Don't be worried about the experiences you have been having. They are part of the illness. Your mind is in turmoil and not connecting properly with your body. Some people have hallucinations - I have had a few myself, and they are really frightening. My way of dealing with thought disturbances is to turn on all the lights and sit there until they gradually fade away and you are back in the "real" world again. It would also help to have a meditation tape or some music you really enjoy to lie back until you are feeling calmer. I was a sceptic about meditation tapes, but they get your heart rate down and help you to relax and blot out all those other throughts which are taking over your mind.

I hope you are getting professional help for your condition. A GP can refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist. There is nothing like talking oner things with someone who understands and can help.

Your post makes plenty of sense, it is a matter of moving on fron there. I wish you well,

Ellu

In response to: This will probably make no sense

Shanc81Casual Contributor19 June 2017, 10:36 am AEST

Re: This will probably make no sense

Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes I have been in therpay for many years and take medication. I've had thode 'I'm alive' thoughts for while and finally got the courage to see if I could put them into words. The only time I don't get them is when I'm depressed and don't really care at all why I'm alive.
Thank you again

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