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DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

LinmercSenior Contributor27 June 2015, 1:36 am AEST

DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Hi NikNik
I just wanted to comment on your discussion topic of this week. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend due to family commitments.

Of course carers deserve to be happy as does everyone else. I am a much more relaxed person when I take some time out for myself, whether it be a cup of coffee sitting in the sunshine, a chat with friends, or just taking a breather to recharge the batteries.

We all live in such a fast paced world that sometimes it's necessary to push the pause button for our own mental health. Granted, we as carers generally pay attention to the needs of others first but we need to draw a line and make ourselves a priority. In my case, if I don't get some ME time occasionally, I feel resentful and my bad/sad feelings are sensed by my family.

If I am in a happy state of mind, I am a much better person and in turn a much better carer to my family. Doing things that make carers happy is so important because their behaviour has such an impact on their loved one with mental issues.

Carers, take time out to look after yourselves and do things that make you happy so you can return to your family/loved ones with a smile on your face and a positive attitude, it really makes a difference.

Have a great weekend all and stay strong.

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In response to: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor15 June 2017, 8:19 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Hi, I've just found this forum...and I wonder how things are today with your daughter....and I hope things are going well. You put your post exactly as I had felt...just how is it possible to be happy...enough...whilst your child is so so unhappy and you're starting perhaps to grapple more with the very real possibility that she will end up successfully killing herself

In response to: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor15 June 2017, 8:27 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

@Happier wrote:
I know that carers have a right to be happy, but can anyone help me out with how to keep happy enough whilst your child is suicidal ? My daughter is regularly suicidal due to bipolar disorder.

In response to: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Unknown userMember15 June 2017, 9:04 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

@Happier

It us sad when the one we love and care for is unhappy, there is grief and loss in mental illness. Finding our own joy as a carer in no way diminishes the empathy we have for the ones we love and our joy can be beneficial to our loved one.

Can I please be blunt and say that for myself that I could not place the responsibility my joy and wellbeing on the person I care for, he already struggles with what he feels is a too heavy burden for me and I would not want him to feel he is causing me to be miserable.

Understanding MI and the disorders that Mr Darcy has been diagnosed with was the first step for me, having a safety plan in place and feeling satisfied that I have done in a practical manner what needs to be done was another. Attending a Wellways carer education "building a future snapshot" was also beneficial. If you are in an Eastern state this might be available to you (and is free).
https://www.wellways.org/our-services/support-families-friends-and-carers

There have been a few websites that have helped:

http://mhr4c.com.au
This is a Qld site for carers - explains so many things that are helpful

http://www.bphope.com
This is a bipolar specific online resource

http://freshhope.us
This site helped me hold on to defiant hope, I found it after my husband attempted. It helped me understand that you can live well in spite of a mental health diagnosis. This is almost my motto and in time I am hopeful that Mr Darcy will too hold to this. Fresh Hope is a religious group that has tenets like Al Anon does - this is one of their caregiver tenets:

At times I also feel hopeless, letting my loved one’s actions and recovery define my happiness. Therefore, I choose to live with healthy emotional boundaries, and I choose my own joy despite the ups and downs of my loved one.

@Happier I hope that some of these resources will be of help to you.

Darcy

In response to: Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor10 June 2019, 9:05 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Oh darcy, I've just found my old responses that I never saw. Thanks for this response, I really liked the bipolar site and have sent it to lucy.

In response to: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor10 June 2019, 9:11 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Thankyou..I have just found these old responses. I will contact a Carers group, and we do have a safety plan...but when she attempts it is sudden and without planning..and seemingly out of her control

In response to: Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor10 June 2019, 9:18 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Sorry I just found my old responses. Thankyou for your response, things are still difficult for lucy , she told me tonight about an attempt that landed her in hospital 2 weeks ago..she tries to protect me by not telling me about all of them, she lives in another state. I struggle with helplessness and try not to prepare myself for the worst if it happens..as I then suffer twice...and maybe it won't happen..but 2 attempts this year :((

In response to: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

HappierContributor10 June 2019, 9:28 pm AEST

Re: DO CARERS HAVE A RIGHT TO BE HAPPY

Thanks, I've just found my old responses, sorry for the late reply. I am familiar with radical acceptance in my work but have not applied it to my situation. Thanks for that..I will think on it

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