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So this guy I really like divorced with his wife after 10 years of relationship, last 2016. It was a bad separation because his ex cheated on him with another guy. . Then I met him last March. I really like him, and he said he really like me too, we have so many things in common. we hook ups couple times, And then we have the talk. I wanted to make it official but he isn't sure because he's really heartbroken from his last marriage. But in the end, we decided to give it a go. . Everything went awesome. We're really happy and constantly missing each other. But 2 months after that, somethings comes up and we have that talk again. He said that his heart is still not healed from the separation with his ex. He really like me and care about me but he's not capable of loving anyone at this moment. He doesn't want to hurt me any longer so he decided that we need to break up. He said that he need at least few months to be single and heal his heart and when he's ready, he want to give our relationship another go. He didn't ask me to wait for him, if i ever found someone else, i need to pursue my own happiness. . The thing is, I'm not that easy to fall for someone. It's the first time i ever like someone this much, after my last breakup, 3 years ago. . We still contact with eachother, he always texts me every day and night, making sure to say good morning and good night. . On our break, he said that I'm the perfect girlfriend for him, and it's frustrates him because he cannot give what i deserve. He think that we're good for eachother, but he really need to heal his heart first before jump into serious relationship. . What should I do? I never did this before. In my past breakups, i always throw away everything related to my ex, temporarily remove him from my life. This guy is different. I tried to not really think about it, but it's impossible. I ended up bottling up my feeling and pretend that I'm happy and okay whenever he contacted me. After that, I'll cry. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of keep failing in relationship. Tbh this breakup makes me feel unwanted and worthless. I'm really sceptical when everyone said that i dont have to worry, that i'll find the one eventually. I'm tired of feeling heartbroken.
What should I do? I know my problem sounds like a childplay compared to others, but it seriously hurting me inside out. I need help to get through this :'(
In response to: Please help me getting through this
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
hi @SnowDrop16
im not good at relationships either so proably cant offer to much advice..
though i can tell you those feelings are real
and your far from worthless!
i can be here for you though
and its not childplay either, its very real feelings and its life not childish
maybe @NikNik@Anony18@Faith-and-Hope@Shaz51 could offer come advice?
In response to: Please help me getting through this
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
Hi @SnowDrop16 ..., 🌷
Here is my suggestion. I hope it works for you .....
Tell this guy that it's not working for you to stay in contact with him .... it's just causing you pain ..., so you will have to say goodbye, and if this relationship is supposed to work, you will find each other again sometime in the future.
I know that sounds harsh, but you are already feeling like it is an open wound that won't heal, and there is a reason for that .... at the moment there is no closure, so it is holding you in limbo. He needs to decide how much he wants to be with you, or let you go. While you are "available", whether he means to or not, he will be stringing you along. Taking a firm stand is more likely to win respect from him too.
Next, you need to think about things that make you happy. Do you like cooking ? Join a cooking class. Want to travel ? Book a trip somewhere, maybe with a girlfriend. Want to learn to sing ? Take a class .....
Wear your favourite colour, in some big or little form, every day.
Fill up your time, keep busy, so there is little time to think about him, and one day you will realise you went all day and he didn't cross your mind at all ......
Meanwhile, you might find someone interesting in your cooking class, or taking a regular lunch time walk through your local park. Be your own best friend for a while and see how you grow. The you will be ready for a realtomship to come and find you.
💜
In response to: Please help me getting through this
SnowDrop16Casual Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
Hi @outlander and @Faith-and-Hope thank you very much for replying...
I was in a really really bad place when I posted the question. I kinda think that I have a mild depression. At that time, i feel numb but I really wanted to cry. I don't even think I'm safe from myself. But I cannot call Lifeline because I'm a very very introverted person. Talk to people, especially stranger, freaked me out. But since I think I'm going crazy, and I can't trust myself for my safety, I called the Samaritans. Once the lady from the other side of the line pick up the phone, I bawled my eyes out, crying non stop for a good solid 5 minutes.
Truth is, I think the matter is not huge in the breakup. I was bullied pretty bad for 3 years when I was in my junior high. When I say bad, it's as bad as anything you read out there. I survived that, but those 3 years broke me pretty bad inside. I have a terribly low self confidence and I have tendencies for blaming everything to my self. I also have anxiety towards people, hence my extreme introvertness to date.
This one guy, he appreciate me for who I am. Boost my confidence, makes me feel worthy, makes me feel human. I feel like I'm being a better person with him.
See, I was working 7 days a week, split shifts and still need to go to uni. I also have insomnia, and sometimes I can't even sleep for 3 days straight. That drives me nuts, not gonna lie. And he's like the thing that make me go through the hours and days and weeks. Now he's gone, I feel ripped.
I am so sorry for the long posts. I have a bad habit for replying anything with a novel length answers (writing is one of my hobby). and english is not my mother tongue, so sorry for any typos or grammar mistakes.
Thank you for your advices, I really really appreciate it. I will have to gather my courage and my will to say that to him and completely ignore that stupid part of my brain that keep telling me to not let him go. I do think I need to stop contacting him for the sake of my sanity. This is my sane part of me typing this. Better work fast before the other part take over
In response to: Please help me getting through this
outlanderSenior Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
Hi @SnowDrop16
I can give you other support lines as well some have webchat too... it does deprnd on age though.... if u dont mind me asking are you over or under 25 just so i can give you services with age brackets.
@Faith-and-Hope had some great suggestions too.
In response to: Please help me getting through this
SnowDrop16Casual Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
I'm over 25 😞 I tried webchat with beyondblue before I finally got a courage to call samaritans. But their answer is so flat, i almost convinced that they're using a bot 😕
I'm fine at the moment. But sometimes that sadness and anxiety waves come again so sudden and I will need help. I found this forum is pretty helpful though. I read one of the topic that similar in a different way with my issues, and reading all the replies (i read more than 90 pages) help to calm me down.
In response to: Re: Please help me getting through this
Anony18Senior Contributor
Re: Please help me getting through this
Hi @SnowDrop16 - @Faith-and-Hope has given some great advice. I can understand how hard it must be to pull away possibly but the best solution may be to eliminate contact for now with him as you concentrate on yourself and your happiness. Have a think about that 😊 I can understand the fear as well given he may be the first guy to "notice" you and make you feel special but trust me there are others out there that can give you the same thing plus commitment that you seek. May not be a whole lot but they do exist. Am not sure if @outlander tagged me here as I just came out of a relationship about 1.5 mths ago. I had to make the choice for us be friends as he needed to concentrate on his wellbeing. It was one if toughest decisions but I knew was for best for him and also my own mental state. I told him right person wrong time. I met someone now who I really like though i don't know if anything with my ex will happen in future. You can't fear the future just concentrate on present and make choices that makes you happy. Please do have a think what course action is best and if you want bounce scenarios and answers we are here 💕
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