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I am really not sure what to do..

linsaCasual Contributor01 June 2017, 3:03 pm AEST

I am really not sure what to do..

Hi Everyone,

I am currently finding myself very down and depressed and I am unsure how to continue and get out of this.

I have been living with an Eating Disorder for over 15 years now and have been diagnosed with depression last October. For the past week or so my mood has been incredibly low and I struggled to funtction. (Washning my hair, being nice to people, doing my work, talking, walking.. everything really) I am having some bad thoughts and saw my psycholigist yesterday. They recommended for me to take some time off work and potentially go to hospital. I was to scared to take it on and saw my GP today instead. We upped the dose of my medication to see what happens. I am still feeling very lost and low with a dark cloud over my head. Struggeling with my eating and I am really not sure what to do. Should I have followed the recommendation of my psychologist and see some one in hospital?

In my head is a voice which keeps telling me: You are not that sick.

Has anyone been in this situation and can recommend a next step for me? I really don't know what to do.

6 replies

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In response to: I am really not sure what to do..

Unknown userMember01 June 2017, 4:15 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do..

Hi @linsa

Welcome to the forums, thank you for your post and sharing some of your story, it's great to have you here 🙂

That's great to hear you had an appointment with your psychologist yesterday and you were able to express yourself to them. I can appreciate how the idea of going to hopsital could be very overwhelming. Do you have an awareness of what your fears are around hopsital? I ask that as sometimes it can helpful to notice what is happening for us to help us move through to the acceptence part of decisions. I wonder if you could contact your psychologist and talk through some of what you are experiencing at the moment? Do you feel this would be helpful?

I know other members here on the forums have had hopsital stays and I'm sure others will comment when they can, I think it can be a common factor to have concerns and reservations about moves with our mental health. It's ok.

Take care,

Pebbles.

In response to: I am really not sure what to do..

Unknown userMember01 June 2017, 4:21 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do..

I'd recommend giving hospital a try.
I've had some bad experiences but I've also had some really good ones. If you have private health insurance, private hospitals are usually much better than public.
I like to think of hospital as like a mini-holiday. Where you can spend time just taking care of yourself without all the worries of the rest of the outside world on your shoulders.
The "you are not that sick", I've heard is very very common in eating disorders. It's your head playing tricks on you. And sometimes you need to know when to ignore your own head and listen to those of your doctor/psychologist/psychiatrist.
What are your thoughts about going into hospital?

In response to: Re: I am really not sure what to do..

linsaCasual Contributor01 June 2017, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do..

@Former-Member Thanks for your reply. I have emailed my psychologist and asked what would happen in hospital. I think I just don't know what to expect and am scared that I might be allowed to leave or anything like that.

@Former-Member Thanks for your reply as well. I guess I am just very worried about what would happen there and also being away from my partner. If I am not better tomorrow, I think I will give it a go. What where your bad experiences if I can ask? Puplic is the only option for me at this stage.

In response to: Re: I am really not sure what to do..

Unknown userMember01 June 2017, 5:50 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do..

Hi @linsa,
I don't want to put you off hospital if it's the best place for you right now. Despite my bad experiences public hospitals can be good.
I guess one of my bad experiences was that I had just attempted suicide after being suicidal for almost a year and I was sent home on day leave 3 days later and told I was going to be discharged the next day. I was terrified and very ill and very suicidal. They eventually let me stay longer, but misdiagnosed me so I didn't get any effective treatment (I didn't get any treatment at all to be honest). And when I was discharged they refused to give me a medical certificate for me to take a few weeks off work. I was treated as a bad, broken, malingerer who didn't deserve treatment or respect.
But I'll also tell you about my good experiences, I was in hospital a few years ago and again this summer. I had a kind, patient and understanding doctor, a few of the nurses were bloody brilliant and so supportive. The group therapy was helpful, and whilst I didn't find my individual psychologist helpful, I was free and respected enough to be able to say so. The other patients were kind and supportive and it helped to have other people in the same situation as me to talk to and relate to. And I guess it helped me feel better when I was really really ill.

In response to: Re: I am really not sure what to do..

linsaCasual Contributor12 June 2017, 6:49 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do. - Update

Hi Everyone,

It's been over a week and I have just been home and off work and have been trying to get myself together and practise selfcare. Things like - crafting, walking etc. On top of this we increased the dose of my anti-depressant. Today I was supposed to go back to work and unfortuntaley it did not go well at all.

I was booked to see my doctor and we decided for me to be home another week and see a psychiatrist as soon as possible. She things I might be going though something a lot deeper in me, as I keep having horrible nightmares and insomnia.

I don't know what to do anymore and all the things I used to love are not giving me anything anymore. I used to be good at my job and now I just can't do it anymore. I am feeling guility for taking time off, even though my employer is supportive. I keep eating and putting bad things into me and as a result I get fatter and fatter, which makes me feel even worse and the cycle continous...

Has anyone been through an ongoing bad time? I have been depressed and in ED treatment since October last year, but I could always function, now I just can't do it anymore. I feel very hopeless and like I failed in recovery.

In response to: Re: I am really not sure what to do. - Update

linsaCasual Contributor13 June 2017, 6:47 pm AEST

Re: I am really not sure what to do. - Update

Hey Everyone,

Today has been difficult. I literally did not make it out of bed. My employer recommended for me to take extended unpaid leave until I am better. That has really upset me and makes me very worried. What will I do with myself? How will I cope financially?

I have a massive headache and am feeling very low and tied to bed. I am upset and not well at all. I am unsure how to get out of this and how to get me back on track. My ED behaviours keep coming up, but I am seeing my Psychologist on Thursday and I hope she has some advice. On top of all this it's raining outside... I am winging a lot, I know. At the moment there is just not much hope left in me.

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