The frayed ends of sanity

Hi guys,<br>I'm not sure how to word this/explain what's been going on in my head etc. it's difficult to word my thoughts/feelings. I've Been falling apart a lot in the last few weeks/months, mentally &amp; physically exhausted,to the extent where I cracked at work, and punched a hole through my office door 😞 which is something I've never done before. Nor am I proud of it! <br>I'm waiting to see the doctor, as the medication she subscribed to help me sleep, is making me so drowsy the next day, which I can't function nor is it safe to be at work in that state.<br><br>I've found myself drinking a lot more, (at home, not at work) which I'm fully aware of, it's not like it was pointed out to me, I know I'm drinking a lot more, and smoking more (cigarettes) and my mentality is "oh well, whatever". Which I've never been a heavy drinker, few hear and there, couple on the weekend etc. But I'm not eating much, it's all just a viscous cycle. <br>I've definitely hit that point of "I don't give a fuck" which isn't good to have but I'm not sure what else to do? Because I strive to get out of this hole, but something just pushes me back in. <br>I guess I'm lost within myself. <br>I haven't gone back to see my physiologist, money's been tight as always, try and get some funds aside and hopefully a morning off work. Apart from you guys on here &amp; my mrs, my physiologist is really the only other person I've spoken to about all of this.<br>Even typing this is bloody hard. It's one of those thing I struggle with. Opening up etc, it's just something I can't "process".<br><br>The thing that got me to write this was Chris Cornell's suicide 😞 such a tradedgy. I've always been a big sound garden/audioslave fan. I'm hoping writing this may help, even just take the edge off..