SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

thinking of you and sitting with you @Former-Member, sending you lots of postive hugs and seeing all your friends are here for you

sisters holding hands together @Former-Member, @Maggie, @outlander, @BlueBay, @Faith-and-Hope

Hi @Former-Member

You're really tired - it was been sometime since your Dad's brekkie and I hope you have been able to go back to bed and sleep - there are days when we have to do that and you have been through so much lately

You are not being self-centred - you are feeling down in the dumps and why not - your relationship with your mother was complex and not all that good and she has recently died - aw - I sometimes feel down-in-the-dumpsies myself about her - but maybe my Dad too - it's their wedding anniversary today - one of my anniversaries too - and I have worked out how long it was since their wedding day and - yeah - that is a big deal thinking about our mothers - it does really hurt when we think about this - and nothing can change it is all over when they go.

I think you are important to your Dad though - and maybe it is something he is past really understanding - and it must really hurt when he calls you by your Mum's name - the work you are doing is so important, so valuable - and your warring sibs won't do that -

It's a huge job though - have your thought if you are really up to it or can you get some assistance from My Aged Care for him - he is the person who needs it - and with the help would you feel more cared about - if there were people picking up the heavy parts of running a home as I do - would that help you feel more noticed and more valued?

As much as I want to - we want to - somehow magically come into your life and help out - be there - it can't happen but you mean a lot to me - I really care - I see you as a really beautiful person surrounded but other people's trashy pasts - and I am so sorry this is happening to you

And I get it that your hating sibs are giving you a hard time and this reinforces memories of a past when you must have taken that slack between your mother and reality for the little kids - and this is really horrid -

God will give us the strength to keep going - I know this - he loves both of us just as he knows every sparrow that falls - I love you too

Sending my best thoughts and love

You are much loved Lapses

Dec

Thanks @Shaz51

I think I heard that your Mother was having another big operation - I do wish your Mum the best and you, Mr Shaz and the Poor Little Kidney - it seems such a lot for you to carry

Thinking of all of you - it seems a lot of people have a lot happening to make life harder right now - could it be winter where you are too - which I think is in the north

Hugs for the whole family

Dec

thank you @Owlunar ( mum)

I love your messages xx

yes the update last week was the kidney is stable but my cholestrol is very high , and I have pre diabetes or have diabetes already as well as Hiatus hernia and gallbladder

mum is back home now , applying for carers pension to look after her

how are you xxx

Love your little blog about the swan @Owlunar

I actually used something similar to that in a marketing report recently using the swan as a symbol of hope.

I'm so glad you like my messages @Shaz51 - that is encouraging

You really are a battler and your mother - one tough lady - and the thought of her having another serious operation is hard to hear as well - aw yes.

Your health problems are serious too - I hope you are able to get a Carer's Pension - that will take some of the load off you - you won't need to work outside the home as much

But I am still thinking that won't be that easy either - this will stress Mr Shaz a lot - more change for his anxiety - and he can't help that but it will fall back on you

Poor Little Kidney's family needs some help - I really hope you can get the Carer's Penion - you really need it - you are caring for yourself and two other people and that's a lot

Sending my best thoughts

Dec

thank you @Owlunar ( mum )

fingers crossed

people are saying for me to go for the disability pension which I tried in 2009 but missed out by 2 points

Mr shaz says centrelink is toooo stressful for him

Aw Mr Shaz needs to know that Centrelink is too stressful for everyone but you know this @Shaz51 - you would both be entitled to a pension

But you can try again - I had to persist when I first went on it - I battled with Centrelink for 6 weeks - but I got back pay - it was worth Centrelink Stress to get onto the DSP

But I sure have my fingers crossed for you🤞

It has been freezing her today and tonight the sky is clear and it is really icy - I haven't been out all day - I like to at least walk up to the shops but I guess I would have bought comfort food if I did - I did last night but today is one of those anniversary days

So today has been bleak - weather wise and emotionally - it would have been my parents' wedding anniversary - they were married a long time - something I can't imagine - but it is also the 10th anniversary of my cousin's death too - or rather the date it is estimated he died - so I guess I am allowed to stay at home and not go out for a walk on an icy day

That sounds like a bad dose of the miseries cause I don't feel that bad - I guess it was a free "Mental Health Day" - just because I am retired doesn't mean I can't have a Mental Health Day. Perhaps we need Mental Health Days more that many people at work -

What a good idea - Mental Health Days for those with Mental Health Issues - or is that too hard for the system?

Enough said - today is nearly over

Dec

been very wet and windy and raining her @Owlunar

cleaned mum`s house today and done all the things she wanted done down town , taking her to the hairdressers tomorrow

no work here today , too wet xx

Just checking. THANK YOU ALL for caring enough to comment. Cant reply individually but it means a lot and counteracts the internal dialogue trying to make me believe its over. Thank you.

Helps to know some of you overvome the same, bounce back in time. Good to try help each other ride the waves, or trust when the dunker has us rolling under with the sand in our face 😞

I had a big afternoon out. Went shppping for hair straightener... explored an unfamiliar HUGE shopping complex, got lost of cause, and lost the car too. .. but distracted the thoughts. And now you breautifils ❤ Thankyou ❤ Nothing seems to take away the thoughts, the way they make this brain interpret the world / ppl, (even though almost all my interactions irl are infact unsupportive or even hostile), and the anxiety, the fight, the confusion, the fatigue. Yes i'm tired & could sleep winter away. Would if i was back home on my own. Guess being busy with dad is a good. Maybe i will spend tomorrow arvo in bed. Anyway, thanks again, nice to have somewhere to get this out 🙂