how deep does the rabbit hole go?

Hi

So im 31yo, married for almost 4 years, and have a 1yo son.

just when i think lifes hit its lowest point, it manages to burrow deeper.

i come from a domestic violence broken home ass a child....which has seem me struggle throughout my adolesent years and never really knew how to grow up.

so when i finally did i found it hard to find my purpose or career...found myself analysing future prospects and if things didnt seem like they were worth the journey then i would self sabotage...

met my wife (after traumatic breakup), things seemed great. though i still never returned to my original self.

developed a bad gambling issue..which caused al sorts of greif within my relationship.

since then ive sorted myself out and now have a good career and have my head screwed on...though it took a short seperation for me to wake up to what i wanted in life.

which brings me to why im writing this and here today....

im so lonely and jealous of everything, my wifes become so distant from me...we have no intimicy at all for over a year...she struggles to even kiss me.

njothing is reciprocated...like nice gestures or compliments etc.

shes always planning nights or events with friends and family and enjoys that...yet nothing ever includes me..

ive tried talking to her about it, which just causes a fight.

she says she doesnt know how to fix it....but hasnt even tried, which makes me angry and resentful.

her dog just died, it wa like her daughter....i took a day off work to comfort her and loook after our son so she could grieve...constantly seen if she was ok etc..

ordered her a custom bunch of her favourite flowers, i never got any praise or thanks...but that was ok its not why i did it...but then the messages of thanks and support to her friends that sent there thoughts and flowers etc...just made me feel hollow.

im going through a very hard time mentally which is clearly visible to anyone who meets me...shes aware of all this yet i get nothing in support or comfort.

im alone in coping with everything..

i think all he time of just upping and leaving and never coming back, but i could never leave my son.

its made it so hard for me that i cant end it, i wish all he time that there would be an acident at work that would take me away...out of my control.

even then i dont think it would faze her. she just doesnt care.

what do i do? do i leave and try and find someone that will love me and care for m like i will them?

ive givn her every opportunity to change things or show any ounce on empathy..but i get nothing and its obvious she doesnt want to seek help...or she would have.